The club pulsed with the rhythm of the bass and the heartbeat of the people. One single mass bounced and writhed against each other. The minimal light made their faces almost inhuman, turned them into something much more primal. Bodies glistened, and moved together in this secret, dark place. And there stood Zoey, right on the edge of it all. She looked down from the bar railing almost surreally, not quite wanting to believe she was really here, alone, in this type of place. Looking for what? What the hell was going on?
For one, she was tired of living day to day in a place that no longer felt like her home. She no longer knew what to do about it. Perhaps the sound of the booming music and the screaming would make her feel better; perhaps she should go and join the writhing mass below. The spell would only last the night. Once the lights turned on and everyone put on their human faces once more it would disappear, and her world would still continue to be upside down and completely inside out. A gaping wound with no sign of closing.
Clutching her drink, the third of the night, she bet it was the only cold thing left in the room. She wasn't even dancing and yet began to feel warmer. Almost in a trance, she hardly felt the tap on her shoulder. Had the tapper not persisted once more, Zoey would have brushed it off as accidental. Gulping down the last of the cold stuff, she turned around.
Long leather boots, much like Zoey's, made her look taller. They glistened in the flashing darkness. The quintessential mini-skirt followed. Would have been shocking had it not. The green top, if really that, was cut low enough so that even those with the least bit of imagination could enjoy. Her face was pretty, but not beautiful. Something you forget quickly. Blue eyes met Zoey, and when her mouth opened, she could hardly hear the question over the music.
"What? I'm sorry couldn't hear!" She said as she bent closer to the other girl.
"Dance! Would you like to dance?" She said again enthusiastically, slurring just a little.
Zoey would have normally declined, but normally, she wouldn't have been in this situation, having downed three drinks and wondering if the crowd looked more like animals than people. So she nodded, took the girl's hand, and let her humanity fade as the throng of people sucked her in.
*
She had never not come home before. By now, we would be showered, and been ready for bed. I glanced at the clock again, 11:30, not a good time for Zoey to be out somewhere. Unable to fall asleep, I stood and went to the window, hoping I'd see her come up the driveway. I felt stupid standing there in my nightgown, but was unable to move from the spot. The next time I looked at the clock, this time in the living room it was midnight, and there was still no sign of Zoey.
Not angry, not, not that yet. I knew it was my fault. I'd been pushing her away for far too long. Did I not expect something like this to happen eventually? Utter disappointment is what filled me. Disappointed in myself for not knowing what to do, but also disappointed that she'd not bothered to call. And worry, worry was there too. Worry was growing, big and bloated as each minute crawled forward, pointing an accusatory finger. The pacing came next, and neighbor downstairs be damned. I needed to move, to feel that I was moving in time, not standing outside of it. By 12:30 I couldn't take it anymore, I had called three times and still no answer. I couldn't go look for her, having no idea where she was, couldn't keep calling her like a fool either. If she didn't want to be reached so be it. If she couldn't pick up the phone for any other reason…
No, better not to think about that.
*
The sand is cold. The nightgown billows against my body, playing with the night breeze coming across the water. My rock is a monolith at night. Its shape almost indiscernible against the pitch black. For the first time I feel a rush climbing it, like its not the same structure I've been on before. I feel I'm on some alien thing, in an alien world. It just looks like my own, but it really isn't, it's just trying to trick me.
But it wasn't. I gripped the rock and it was cold, just like the sand. One foot in front of the other is how it goes. The climb was quick, desperate. I needed to be on top of it, had to know that at least over this I had control. It was rough against my skin, and sitting on the cold gave me chills, but I refused to move from it. The wind made my hair wild. It snapped against my face, my shoulders and chest, but I didn't bother with it. It was not important. I felt small, light, and still transparent. A gust of wind could have thrown me off.
No tears now, just the desire for Zoey to come back to me. I would fix things. I could see it in my heard so clearly. I'd know what to do, to say.
Fix.
Fix.
That's what I'd do.
*
She couldn't walk straight anymore, understood that it was futile. The girl giggled, eyes hazy, and shoved her against a wall. Zoey felt hands searching under her shirt. She was so disconnected from the world that she have no clue of her whereabouts. The ride here had too many disconnected points for her to follow. The club… being tugged along… a car door slamming shut… the incessant giggling jangling through it all. And then she was here. Wherever here was. She could hear late night traffic outside, and when she looked around saw the messiest room of her life. Clothes and shoes everywhere, takeout long forgotten, and bed sheets in complete disarray.
These hands felt foreign to her.
"Adelle?" The face that looked back at her was quizzical.
"What did you say honey?" She asked in between giggles.
Zoey felt sick to her stomach suddenly. Just what the hell was going and what had she planned to do? She felt repulsed with herself, couldn't believe her ridiculousness. She felt cheap, like the girl standing in front of her. Snapped out of her stupor, her eyes focused on her surroundings and she pushed other girl firmly away from her. Looking down at herself, she saw nothing indicating that she was missing any articles of clothing, and was glad of it.
"What's wrong with you?! Where are you going?" She ignored the other's cries and gingerly stepped over the heap of articles in her path. There was nothing else she wanted to do quicker than get out of this filthy hole in the wall. She hoped she wasn't far from a main street so that she could flag down a taxi.
"Please be waiting." She whispered into the dark hallway.
*
After navigating the dark corridors and stairs, all which smelled of terrible secrets, Zoey burst open the door to the street and gulped the air outside. She discovered that she was on a main road, and thanked the night for at least that small help. Waving her hands at the taxis zooming past her, one finally stopped. She stepped in and closed her shirt tightly against herself. Zoey gave the man her address and put her hands over her face. She cried silently and wished she'd never come here. Wanting to take back everything that happened in last few hours and knowing she couldn't. She wouldn't give up on Adelle, couldn't. Adelle was her life, and she'd fight for the sanctuary they'd created together.
Zoey threw some money at the driver and bolted up the stairs. She reached for her key only to find the door ajar. She shut her eyes and breathed.
"Adelle? Adelle I'm home!" Frantically she ran the space of their home, looking in every nook. There was no sign of her. She ran into the bathroom and quickly washed her face and mouth. It wouldn't help once she found her to smell like the place she'd been at. She finished and flung the towel on the floor once her face was dry, and set off running again. Zoey snatched something on her way out, hoping that it would still mean something once she found her love. Rushing down the stairs, not caring who she woke up, she thought to make her way straight to Adelle's car and see if it was still in the lot. It was, so she was here. Alexander. Could she be there? No, she didn't think so. It didn't seem like the hour to be making social calls.
Zoey pedaled backwards suddenly and felt like a fool. She knew where Adelle would be. She knew it all along. It's where she always was. Clutching the object in her hand, she double backed and ran behind the apartment, where the board-walk ended, and trudged across the sand. She ran faster to feel the wind against her body, and hoped she wouldn't trip, there wasn't enough light to illuminate path safely. Out here, the moon was her only guide. Her chest tightened when she saw the blackness against the lighter grey of the sky. Much like Adelle before her, she knew it was different tonight, felt it as she got closer. And against the black what was that movement? That flash of white so stark against the night. She recognized it after a second, how had she ever confused it for anything else? It was Adelle's nightgown, and inside it was Adelle herself, looking like an oracle from long ago. She grinned horribly and closed the distance.
"Adelle! Adelle!" She screamed, breathless, now directly below her.
*
So lost was I that I didn't hear her until she was there. Not heard the running, not heard her panting for breath. Only her screams pierced me, and I jumped, startled. Whipping my head down and around I saw her looking up at me desperately. My mouth dropped open and I lifted my hand towards her. But before I could breathe to say a word she shoved something in my line of sight. From the reflection on the glass I knew what it was she held. A picture frame, the one with the road sign I took what seemed like an eternity ago.
"Please tell me that this means something to you! Just tell me that it does!" Her voice cracked as she began to cry, but she didn't stop. "I can't let you go, don't you know that? I love you; I love you too much to let everything fall through the cracks. It's not fair! We worked for this so hard and I don't want it to end!"
Her tears flowed and my heart pounded in chest so hard it hurt. I looked down at the rock and in three quick motions was off it. I ran to her as if magnetized and hugged her to me. She threw her arms around me and we cried against each as I told her over and over again that I was sorry, so sorry for what I had done.
"I want to be with you too. I love you and I can't imagine a life without you. It hurts too much to even think about it. When you didn't come home I was so worried, I didn't know what to do with myself. The thought of loosing you drives me mad."
She kissed me hard, and I kissed her back, not knowing what else to say. It felt so good kissing her hot lips, running my tongue along the familiar mouth. We moved closer still and I felt her hands running up my back, gently massaging it. I felt like before, before anything was wrong and we were still one. No words were spoken, and we moved down to the packed sand. I unzipped her boots and slid them off. She pulled my gown over my head and put it down for us to lie on. Moonlight guided us in the dark, but we knew the familiar landscapes of our bodies even in the dark. Zoey looked ethereal with the moon glow on her skin and more than ever I felt that we were not in the same place as the rest of the world.
I let her take me, loving our renewed passion. Each kiss on my thigh burned, her hands on my breasts sent shocks through my entire body, right down to my very core. Not lost any longer I realized. All there with my lover, adoring every touch and caress, I shut the world out. Her hand roamed lower, exactly where I needed them to. I cried out when her fingers where inside, and clung to her tightly as she made love to me. Her face was lovely, and I whispered her name over and over as I climaxed. We kissed slow after that, sitting, Zoey straddled on my lap moving against me. I gripped her thighs harder and we rocked against each other faster when I heard her begin to gasp. The arms around me tightened, squeezed me so hard until I heard my name on her tongue and felt her collapse against me.
Hugging her to me, I placed small kisses on the hollow of her neck and caressed her back. Zoey put her head on my shoulder and kept her arms around me. After a time I pulled back and said to her, "Never again."
"I promise from this day forth that I will always come to you first. I promise to never shut you out, to never pull away. I'm sorry for what happened."
Zoey smiled and played with a lock of my hair. "I accept your apology. I'm happy that the woman I love is back."
Our foreheads touches and our hands encircled. We sat for some time like that until Zoey kissed my cheek, "Let's go home." She said. She stood up and extended her arm out. I took it and stood, grabbing my nightgown with the other hand. She laughed as I shook it out, and plucked her own clothes from the sand. Halfway dressed and a little sandy, we made our way back home.
"Shower before bed?" She asked, smiling. I nodded profusely and laughed as we closed the door behind us.
*
It was easier than I thought to rebuild. I hadn't known what to expect. I think it was easy because we both wanted a life with the other. Months passed, our careers and work flourished, and once more we were a unit. I realized that I could not change what my family thought. It was their choice. There was no reason to bring myself down with things that I could not change. One day I hoped that there would be communication and understanding between us again, but until then, I was content to be with Zoey and my friends by my side.
I think I might just ask her to marry me next.
__________________________________________________________
And that ladies and gentlemen, is what I promised to finish years ago. For some reason this story drew me back in, I just couldn't let it go. My next step, whenever I have time, will be to go back through the chapters, edit, and rewrite some parts, but don't worry, I won't change anything drastically. :)
Thank you for still reviewing and demanding an end.