Hey everyone! Here is going to be my first little angsty fic. I'm in an angsty little mood, so I'm going to write this. Please review.

I sat bolt upright in my bed. No scream, no tears, no heavy breathing as one usually has after a nightmare. Just me, locked up all alone with my thoughts.

I think back to the events of my nightmare and give an involuntary shudder. It still haunts me, after all this time. That horrible little event still haunts me. Usually it just visits me in nightmares, but sometimes during the day now too. Sometimes I'll hear songs and remember, begging my thoughts not to turn to that horrible event. But it never works, my thoughts travel there anyway, and I am stuck feeling upset while no one knows why. Or at times, people will say things that drag me on that same long path to being depressed. No one understands why certain things affect me the way they do, and no one has ever really asked.

I realize I won't be getting back to sleep again tonight, so I turn my light on and grab the book on my nightstand. I disappear into a fantasy world of characters, and time slips slowly by. The nightmare fades into the back of my mind, although it will never truly be forgotten.

When the numbers on my clock finally say it's time to get up, I put my book away and get out of bed. I go to brush my teeth, and come back to my room to get dressed. I throw my pajamas in the hamper, and pull on a pair of jeans and a black shirt. Being in a semi-depressed mood always makes me wear black. Unfortunately, my mother doesn't let me buy much of it, so I tend to wear the same shirt one day every week. People make comments to me about it, but I honestly could care less.

Downstairs, my backpack awaits me. I want a new one, the one I have now looks childish. My parents refuse to buy me a new one, so I'm stuck. I don't eat any breakfast, I never do. I'm too fat anyway, so I don't really need to eat.

I wander out to the bus stop, realizing I'm the first one there. Being alone is nothing new to me. I decide to take off my denim jacket, as it was too warm. Spring was coming. Another kid shows up to my bus stop. A guy, who's a junior. He's listening to headphones and nods to acknowledge my presence. I whisper a "Hi" back, but don't do anything else. I'm simply a lowly freshman.

Minutes later, loud noises come down the street, letting me know that the large yellow hunk of metal some call a bus is approaching. Buses make way too much noise in my opinion. I can always tell when mine is coming, even when I can't see it. The bus turns the corner, and stops. I get on, and sit down in my usual seat in the front. I stare out the window and watch as we travel toward the school. Other students get on at each stop, until finally we reach the end, and drive to my high school. We pull in the large circular drive for the buses, and the driver lets us off. I whisper a quick, "Thank you" and run down the steps. I wander in the double doors and take a left to go to my locker. I reach my locker, and open it. I put my books away and take out the books I'll need for the morning. I shut my locker, and glance around to see if anyone I know is around. No one.

I walk down the hall to my first class, which is Cooking. I see a group of my friends walking down the hall, and I join them. They all seem fairly happy to see me.

"Hi, Vicki!"

I grin and say hi back. I fall in step at the back of the group. We wander around the school until I decide I need to go to class, when I leave.

Today in Cooking we're making chocolate-chip cookies. I pull my shoulder- length brown hair back into a ponytail. The people at my kitchen and I begin cooking, and finally we place the cookies into the oven. Then we return to our table to work on a worksheet. We don't say much at all. Instead, I listen to the conversations around us. When my ears hear something they don't like. And at once I find my thoughts traveling down that horrible path again. I beg my thoughts not to go there, just once, but it is all in vain. I'm launched into memory lane, and I become extremely quiet, even more so then before. I don't say anything for the rest of the class.

When the bell rings, I travel to German. I meet my friend, Callie, in the hallway. We then find my friend Laurie, and go to her locker. Laurie gets her books, then the three of us go to our classes. Callie and I split off to go to German, and Laurie travels to Spanish.

"I brought you some cookies," I say quietly. I was attempting to shake away my thoughts, and it slowly was working.

"Thank you! What kind are they?"

"Chocolate-chip. They're yummy."

Callie grinned. I pull out the cookies and hand them to her. She finishes them slowly, but they're gone before German class. We sit down, and our teacher doesn't show up until a few minutes after the bell. Then she started talking, and I listened, feeling very bored.

Partway through the class, Callie slips me a note. It reads:

Why do you look sad?

I scrawl back:

Just thinking.

She reads it and nods.

"I need to stop thinking," I whisper. "Thinking makes me depressed."

Callie nods again, and says, "Yeah, you do."

But she doesn't know why it makes me depressed. No one really does. How can they, when I keep it locked up inside? It's better locked up though. Then no one else suffers from knowing, no one else has to deal with it. Only me. I don't want to hurt others, so I keep it a secret. As unhealthy as it may be.

The bell rings, and I go to Biology, Callie to World History. I find my friend Cara, and we talk until the bell rings. Then I go to my seat. Our teacher split us up this quarter. I sit through the boring lecture on evolution, and take all the stupid notes.

My next classes pass slowly, until I finally go to lunch, where I eat very little. Today, it is a cookie. Hopefully I'll lose some weight with this diet. I listen to Allie talk about her boyfriend and shudder. No one notices. Danielle tells me I have a warped self-image, but I barely hear her. Callie tells me I should eat, and that I'm not fat. But that's not the whole reason for my not eating. I would never admit it though. Allie talks some more about her boyfriend, and I finally cannot take it. I put my head down on my arms, and try to sleep. Memories haunt my mind, and I wish they would go away. Leave forever, and never return. Or maybe I wish to leave as well.

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