Why am I always having the feeling of killing someone with remorse when I haven't done anything? Is it right to feel such urges building inside, making me want to lash out at my friends, the people I love, even the people I hate? I'm always the nice girl, so why do I feel so terrible for wanting to hurt close relationships?

Why don't I have the courage I need to deal with life? Why can't I express myself to the person I care about? Why can't I keep myself calm as I need to to deal with the incredible hardships brought on by knowing such troubled people?

Why do I feel such an urge to kill myself, get out of everyone's way and only hurt a few people in the process? Why don't I just kill myself? Honestly. I wouldnt' bother the people who call me a bitch anymore.

Why don't I have the courage to even do that???

Terry

Why can't I cry?...

4-9-03