A Modest Proposal

For an end to hatred, racism, wars, terrorism, genocide, despotic madmen, and threats of nuclear and chemical warfare

In today's confused world, citizens around the world cannot even look out of their windows without searching for a plane crashing into a building, a package exploding a cloud of white powder in their face, or an invisible respiratory disease attacking their airways. Yes, my friends, it's true that we're living in a violent world. A world of madmen who hate people because of where they live. A world of family clans who hate people because their skin is darker than their own. A world where men, women, even children can march onto a bus and explode it in a violent orgy of shrapnel and fire. World leaders are constantly searching for means to end all of these threats to innocent human lives, but to no avail. The Middle East is still a hotbed of hatred; inner cities are little more than a vast array of death, destruction, and violent felonies encompassed in skyscrapers and hip- hop blaring from low riders. However, I have put much thought into my own little solution, and I do think that if people would agree to it, we would all have a fair chance at living peacefully.

Perhaps "we would all" is a tad misleading, I rather should have phrased it "those of us that are left". After all, only politically correct tree huggers, soccer moms, and the feminist, Jew-run media believe that there's any hope of all races co-existing. Yes, I believe that if we simply kill a majority of all human life on earth, we would all be in a much better place. Of course, it would be cruel and inhumane to go around and kill all people deemed not-fit-to-live in their homes. No, to be fair to all peoples, I propose an all-out, full-scale global war. Peace through World War III. An Armageddon rained upon the haters, the rapers, the killers, the pillars of violent sub-human culture. Let me explain how it would work.

Obviously, we'd first need to wage war against a violent opposer of peace. We've already ended the regimes of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, so who can be left? The entire nation of Palestine. Yes, Americans saw these evil sand Eskimos dancing and singing following September 11th, praising Allah for crushing The Great Satan. A war shall be waged against this violent people, but America shall be left out. Instead, we'll simply sit in the back and let France fight them. This could take some coaxing, but these cowards will be stirred into a frenzy after several "Palestine Airways" planes crash into several French monuments, including the Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, and Monsieur LeFevre's cow pasture in Annecy. We can lend nuclear weapons to each side, and sit back as the cowards and the Godless psychopaths blow each other to pagan Hell.

Each side will, of course, take in allies. The French will have the whole of Europe backing them, and Palestine shall have the entire Middle East on their side, ready to end the reign of the banner of the cross. This will all come to a head in Turkey, finally putting an end to that miserable "They Might Be Giants" song after Istanbul is leveled to nothing more than a very radioactive parking lot.

Israel will attempt to overthrow Palestine and put an end to their longstanding suicide war. I believe that Central and South America, being comprised of mostly Catholics with nothing better to do and wanting a piece of the action, will fly into the Middle East and stop Israel. We'll covertly support both sides, of course, since we like Israel, and inner city gangsters like the hard drugs we get from South America. All of these new troops will need a place to stay when not fighting, and we'll volunteer that China open up their borders. They'll accept, since they want to appease one of their only countries left peaceful during this genocide of hate. However, Israel will be allowed to take refuge in Japan once their own country has been suicide bombed to a very smelly crater. This will cause a war between the violent Hispanics in China and the violent Jews in Japan. They'll go at each other, bringing in their own respective host countries, leading to Japan attempting to take over the Orient again, and succeeding due to their superior technology.

Africa, meanwhile, will be jealous of Japan flaunting their gigantic robot and tentacle monster technology. We'll coerce the whole of Africa to take on the new Japanese army, thus putting an end to jealousy and pride. Farewell, two deadly sins in one! We'll also bomb Canada, for reasons that shouldn't have to be explained. With the entire world either dead or fighting, except for the US and Australia, we'll come in and clean up, blowing the world to an apocalyptic Hell, much like the one seen in Gary, Indiana. We'll start off with our first wave of war protesters who are trying to convert violent people to be peaceful. These are damaging to our cause, because we're trying to kill violent people, not convert them. Once they're slaughtered by a legion of America-hating Frenchmen and Muslims, we'll send in our next wave; Children.

Yes, we'll send children into war. After all, if we're trying to end hatred, racism, intolerance, and murder on a global scale, we must take it out at its source. When do people learn to hate? In childhood. When do people begin to think that maybe, just maybe, another race isn't as good as their own? In childhood. When do people act more selfishly, more creatively violent, and more repulsively ignorant? In childhood, ladies and gentlemen. It's obvious that children need to die if this new world will mean anything. Just send in every American minor, and we'll have a win-win situation on our hands. Children have no compassion or feelings for others, and if we give them guns, they'll kill, totally cleaning up and owning all the mud races embroiled in a world war. Once they've done enough, we will kill them. After all, we can't allow murderers to live in a peaceful world, no matter how young they are. And if they don't kill? They'll have committed treason, and we can kill them for that, too. Either way, children shall die for peace. Once the children are gone, we can send in our most frightening wave of attackers yet; Homosexuals.

It's always amazed me that these guys are frowned upon in the military. If I may digress for a second, have you ever seen a gay pride parade? Those guys are buff! Ripped! And more importantly, they won't be continuing on any family lines. Therefore, any sentimental reasons for them not going to war and dying for world peace are negated. Besides, everyone knows that God hates fags. Jerry Falwell said so, and he's the least hateful person on earth.

After them, we'll send in gangsters and rappers. These guys are already used to killing, knifing, shooting, blinging, pimping, thugging, and most importantly, being intolerant of anyone not in their gang or recording label. The few of this wave that don't kill each other on the planes over to war zones will no doubt kill every last one of the people who hate. Then, we'll bomb them. We can't allow killers on this newly peaceful earth.

With that, America and Australia will stand as the only remaining places on earth with living, peaceful humans. So naturally, we'll invade Australia, killing every non-Aborigine there. They're all the sons and daughters of England's criminals, and therefore are prone to violence themselves. Besides, they raped and killed the Aborigines long ago, and should therefore pay in their sweet, sweet blood. Oh God, how their blood will flow in rivers, feeding and nourishing the pure, loving infants of a new world. After that, Americans will be expected to commit mass suicide. After all, we did make everyone else kill, aren't we just as guilty as the next towel-head, cheese eating surrender monkey, godless Muslim, despicable rapist, despotic madman, racist Southern hick, or Canadian?

My plan can work! Obviously, it would require a global effort of hatred for peace, but already several people agree with me. Take shock rocker Marilyn Manson. Within his song "The Reflecting God", Mr. Manson screams out "When I'm God, everyone dies!" Obviously, if such a celebrity would endorse my tactic to gain world peace, it must work. For those of you who would rather listen to regular, small town people instead of the big, important celebrities, I met a man recently on the street who proclaimed the end times are coming. He believes in my vision, too. When I asked him about whether he agrees with me, he shouted out "Woe unto ye sinners! I like birds!" This echoes my sentiments that animals, in their natural innocence, shall be left alive. After all, they only kill because that's what nature intended them to do, and they don't use bombs or anthrax to do it.

The only race that shall be left alive is the Aborigines. Not because those desert-darkies are naturally as pure as animals, but because they're far too backwards to get involved in the world politics of hate and xenophobia. Hopefully, the human race can entrust their future to this race of backwards sand-lickers.

Obviously, there are many advantages to this plan. Allow me to list them.

Hatred shall be erased, leading to a much more peaceful world.

Racism will be a thing of the past.

The natural beauty of the earth will be preserved, safe from the dangers of overpopulation.

No more of those damn weird races, like the Irish, the Amish, or the Eskimos.

We will finally get rid of that whore, Barbara Streisand.

Peace and love will flow like a river between the ten or twelve people left alive.

As you can see, this is a proposal for world peace, and it will attain world peace. I fail to see any flaws in my plan, unless we can't get some stupid lesser race to fight another one. But I'm confidant that with the proper motivation, we could make Catholics demand a war on God. Again, this is simply my own proposal. I've put several months of thought into this, but if you have a better idea, I'd be more than willing to listen to it. Besides, I could always use some passengers aboard those "Palestine Airways" planes.

In closing, I humbly thank you all for taking the time to read my proposal. I wish you all the best of luck in your causing of worldwide genocide and subsequent mass suicide. I, however, have scheduled several high power tanning appointments, and have reserved a one way plane ticket to Australia, where I shall live amongst the Aborigines. I will pray for you all while you cause worldwide terror, devastation, agony, torment, pain, and murder in the name of peace. Once more, I sincerely thank you all for your part in making a better tomorrow.