Puritan Man A new era of religious super hero Written and Created by Gabriel Ricard Episode 1.01 Sympathy for the last dance

William Bradford sighed and glanced over to Sam Adams. "Thou are tiring me with these ridiculous protestations!"

Sam Adams smirked, his dimly visible legs almost hanging a foot away from the floor. "I am only bringing forth the concerns of the Council Brother Bradford."

"Ye should know that I am aware well of the concerning council." Bradford pushed himself slightly above Adams and could now oversee the entire indoor frame of the abandoned church they were meeting at.

"Then you should know that we are seriously considering replacing the wayward pilgrim Vincent Pyncheon as representative to views of great importance. The council I mean."

"Thou dare may to question the motives of Good Vincent. But do not question the results he brings to our grand table."

"I shall and I can. He is of the most dastardly sort. Why you chose him to spread the words of God I will never know. I don't mind telling you that I hath doubts of serious that he himself is a Puritan of the nature truest."

"Give him time, give him time. It was only six months ago this day that he had been hunting bounties for dead slabs of coin. I am hard at work at converting him. Example, I hath gotten him to only smoke a single pack of his sticks of sin per day. That's two less from three you know."

"And where is he at this very moment?"

"Good Vincent is currently bringing down a shop of lusty carnalications. I am presently in the present process of delivering unto him a new assignment of most present importance."

"I will deliver the task as I know if it well myself. And I go now also to see for myself if you truly made any progress I believe." Sam Adams muttered a brief prayer. The words were sputtered out quickly, with a violent tone. He clicked his nearly invisible heels and disappeared.

"You are more than welcome to do that Good Sam." William Bradford gave a similar word to God and disappeared.

Vincent picked up the last magazine on the shelf that interested him. He always had thing for catholic school uniforms. He kept his cigarette between knuckles as he leafed through it. He looked behind him, weary that a clerk would yell at him and subsequently have to die as a result. When he noticed the spirit of Samuel Adams coming towards the door, he groaned. "Coming to check on me as always. Guess I better get on with it." He put the book back and reached into his black coat. He made it a point to wear it over the colonial outfit William Bradford insisted he wear. Especially important was to obscure the thick colored white Pin the middle of his chest. So everyone would know he was Puritan Man. It ranked high among the many, many things the ghost bothered him about when they met. He wore the stupid hat without tainting its appearance and that was good enough for him. he felt that despite being a nearly dead bounty hunter, he still had a reputation to maintain. He produced his gun, the Eighth Gable, the only gift from the dead Puritans that he actually liked. Vincent took a last glance to the door and seeing Sam Adams merely stand at the entrance, he turned back and opened fire. This time he was careful to actually avoid shooting people. Instead, he aimed for the books, videos, and magazines they possessed. He ignored the explosive looks of surprise and began firing on the shelves and racks in general.

He stopped, twirling the gun with his index finger and returning it to his coat. "That's enough for show," he thought. He was interrupted by screaming that originated directly behind him. He whirled around, albeit while maintaining a cool composure.

The shriek in question came from a fat-bodied, well past balding regular of the shop. His eyes were bursting out enough to make him look like a cartoon character. "My porno!"

Vincent knew Sam Adams was listening in spite of being outside. He would have to get into character, which he actually found himself enjoying on occasion. Mostly stemming from the recollections of reading comic books as a child and wishing to be a part of that. "This filth with retch your soul no more! Puritan-Man has saved you from damnation!"

The regular's expression had not changed and Vincent figured he hadn't been listening.

"I'll kill you!" he raised his arms and charged across the room. creating the only sound in the room with everyone else having fled.

Vincent decided it was a good time to bring his other important weapon into use. With an action so quick it would be unseen with regular vision, he pulled a leather bound bible and brought it down like an ax. "Feel the tranquillity of the good word Pilgrim!" The book struck the regular in the head and brought his entire existence to a sudden halt. An effulgent light surrounded the human caricature and it quickly bathed him in the color. The regular let out a scream that died midway through the point it was trying to make. Now, all that remained was shard like remnant of the light which shot up to the ceiling and disappeared with impact. Keeping with the spirit of how he handled his gun, Vincent spun the bible like dough and returned it the leg holster adjacent to the one that held his other instrument.

Sam Adams at last stepped into the empty shop. His was grave which annoyed Vincent because that's how he always was. It was impossible to gauge what he was actually feeling.

"This is good work Good Vincent."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Vincent walked past Adams and kicked the door open to leave. He walked several feet away from the store and turned around.

Sam Adams appeared next to him, "Converting the building I see?"

Vincent jumped, though he knew he should have expected it. "Don't do that."

"What don't I should do?"

"Forget it. Yeah I'm converting the building. You're lucky this street is deserted or I wouldn't bother. I don't feel like dealing with more fanatics in the form of cops."

"Yes, yes.it's all of for the best. God is of greatest respect for the work ye hath done."

"I haven't heard a thing from him."

"Thou must know God is a busy pilgrim." Sam Adams looked up the sky, evening had nearly erased the sun completely. "The busiest pilgrim of us all. An entity of the busiest q-"

"I get it, I get it. Now shut up so I can do this."

Adams frowned, "Very well. But quickly because I can not maintain this fleshy form for long."

Vincent gave no indication that he was paying attention anymore. He brought the bible back out and held it up, keeping his thumb to the page he needed. He had been a mellow atheist before the accident six months ago. Now, having to use a bible in his new job, he was oddly glad that he hadn't needed to read an actual bible passage yet. Simply turn to a certain page or hit someone with the bible itself was all that seemed required. He shoved his free hand upwards to the heavens, "O' God! Grant ye strength to this humble servant! Erase this house of filthy mirth!"

A light, similar to the one from earlier in the shop, shot out of the book in a thin beam the size of a pencil. It stopped when it was just a little closer to the sky than the adult novelty store. The laser then changed its direction when it seemed satisfied with the vertical progress made. Striking the building which burst into flames. Fire that gave the impression that it had no idea why it was there and had no plans to stay very long.

And it didn't. The fire gave an erupting belch that tripled the size and intensity of the flames. They shrunk to the ground and were gone without even the faintest trace of smoke to show what had been done.

A building was still there too. Though instead of a sign that read Gary's House of Filthy Mirth, the sign stated that it was Puritan Headquarters and Conversion Center.

Vincent twirled his book again and returned it to the holster. He reached into the inside pocket of his coat and brought out his cigarettes. He lit one and waited for Sam Adams to hassle him about it.

"I see you hath heeded to us regarding the sticks of tobacco you are so fond of."

"No not really. I've cut down though."

Adams frowned again and shook his head, "A new task is before you at any time. Are you ready to accept it?"


"Pleasing. Are you familiar with Non-Denominational Man?"

"I read about him. hosts rallies and stuff promoting a slightly less intense relationship with God than the Puritan Movement."

"Exactly. Destroyed is where the council wishes him to go."

"Ooo.I actually get to kill someone? I thought that was against your teachings." Vincent dragged on his cigarette, hoping this conversation would be wrapped up soon.

"Thou should know we are entitled to the dealings of God's Wrath where we see fit."

"Oh yeah, of course. How silly of me. Can I go to it now?"

"Certainly. Join me in prayer before you depart."

Vincent dropped his cigarette to the ground and crushed its life out with his boot. "Fine." Vincent bowed his head and thought about buying some liquor rather than anything of a religious nature.

Sam Adams prayer lasted ten minutes and Vincent noticed he was shaking towards the end. When he was finished, he said nothing else to Vincent. He sunk into the ground and was gone.

Vincent lit another cigarette and decided he may as well go to it. The sooner he was finished with this job the better.

They were back in the church. William Bradford sat in a bench at the first row. It was once a beautiful church and one that he wished had been around when he was actually alive.

Sam Adams stood behind him, adjusting a button that he was worried might offend God if it didn't match the rest of them. "Good William, I maintain the stance I made so boldly before. I am certain that Vincent Pyncheon is not the man for the holy job we hath set towards him."

"And I maintain the stance that you are an idiot."

"What say you Good William?"

"Nothing. Listen to me and heed my words well. When he was completely alive, Good Vincent was the worlds far most notorious seeker of the hired coin. Thou are well aware the council required someone who would do what we say if we employed him properly. That accident was an act from God that has served us in the highest quality. It allowed us to take him and we will mold him to the holder of the Puritan Will. It will be through this pilgrim that we will save this world from hell itself."

"Very well. Think that if you must."

"Did you assign him the job?"

"I certainly did."

"Good. Then there is little more to be said between us at this very moment."

"I suppose not."



The two spirits remained where they were. Firing silence back and forth between one another. They prayed together after a few more minutes passed and faded from the building.
"He's certainly no stranger to personal advertisement," Vincent looked over the entire one page ad ND Man had taken out for a rally that was only ten minutes away in walking distance. It had already started ten minutes ago and Vincent liked that. It would allow for him to make the dramatic entrance he had always loved. He shoved the paper into the first garbage can he came to. A hideous, misshapen little robot that patrolled the sidewalks at all hours and demanded people hand over their garbage to him.

Vincent half wondered if the Puritans had anything to do with the irritating little tin cans. To him, they went about their principals with humorously similar mannerisms.


Vincent took a step back from the crowd. They were all in one of the dimly maintained city parks. Vincent was glad to stand at 6'4. It allowed him to see ND Man over nearly everyone else on the hastily assembled stage.

"I AM HERE TODAY.TO PREACH TO YOU, A CONCEPT MANY OF YOU HAVE UNDOUTABLY, NEVER BEEN EXPOSED TO. NON-DENOMINATIONAL FAITH!" ND-Man seemed to around the same height as Vincent himself. Wearing a leather jacket and a black wrestling mask with gold trim around the eyes and mouth. He paced back and forth on the stage. Two elderly gents and a young woman dressed similarly to ND Man except for the mask, were beside him on stage.


Vincent stepped back a foot in response to the explosion of cheers that followed. "This guy might actually be more annoying than the Puritans."


Vincent could not help but smirk, "Figures." He drew the Eight Gable and positioned the gun at the book. He fired once and the book exploded within the grasp of ND Man. The crowd reacted as Vincent imagined they would. Screaming like idiots and running in every possible direction.