Please excuse me while I throw up my innocence

on the side of the road.

How have I managed to stand here for so long,

swallowing the pill that told me you were a nice guy.

That you would never do that.

That you could never be that.

I guess I was wrong

to put so much trust in you.

But hey, I could always plunge a nettle in my heart,

and die with the words "forgive me" on my breath.

As though I were a stupid girl with no morals, heart,

or conscience.

How many tears will I cry for you,

now that I am alone.

The touch of your soft skin still near me,

your vibrant tongue still close to mine.

I stand here, close to my loneliness,

and watch as the very shell of you melts away,

to the monster that hides beneath.

I'll cry another tear for you tomorrow,

when they arrest you and I break all over again.

I can fall, deep down, and to the floor

before your very hidden eyes,

would it stop? would it help?

Could I be whole again?

Here, by the side of the road.