My loving mother dearest
How do I put to words
My love I hold for thee?
Such intense emotions
Hardly glorified with words
And yes, my caring father
Such a sweet, forgiving soul...
How could I omit thee
From my ode to thy perfections?
What's this you say?
My love-
It goes for granted?
Well, I had figured it would
For surely
You never change.
Ah, I understand now
You truly don't appreciate
My snide, sardonic prose
Or nothing, for that matter.
Not grades that I strive so hard
To merely please you once
Oh please, can't I have just once?
Nor love
Nor me...
Why do I even try?
When it never does a thing
But further wrench my heart?
Alright then, fine
I promise to be blunt
I promise not to hinder
With my onslaught of confessions
So long as you won't shoot me
As you have before
With your guns of vile misconceptions
My words-
They shall be blunt.
So you may be au fait with them
Unlike so many other things.
So I promise to be direct
May my words be as such too
So hard, so frank
So cripplingly strong
That I shall hope
With great conviction
I shall wistfully aspire
As to slice right through your dead membranes
And cast a bruise upon your hearts.
But can one really wound a stone
With such simple, petty words?
No...
But one can smash one
With a hatred never-ending
That boils through my veins
You can crush the blackened rock
Into a billion fragments of a tombstone
They skitter to the winds beyond
Never to be seen.
And you won't miss them-
I assure you-
Who could miss a stone?
Oh, you think I only say this
To purely 'piss you off?'
I thought as much.
So typical.
You think that I declare these things
So might arouse your beasts
Your brutal, vicious geysers of vexation?
Oh, but only a fool would do that.
Wait, I had forgotten...
That's what I have been dubbed.
I suppose its best; I have no other name.
For surely,
Only a fool would choose endurance
A trek through such horrid lanes
Over fast and tempting end.
But after all, if you recall,
That was the fateful path
That I so wisely chose
'Til you blocked it with your 'love.'
Love.
Such an undying phrase
So uttered by your mouths
That bubble with contempt
When you really mean its foe
Since one who really loved me
Once who really cared-
One who really felt-
Would not need a stupid word.
Besides, you never even said that
Until I made you do it.
Until I made you see
Those swollen scratches on my arm
Trailing down my pale, maltreated wrists
The sewage of my anguish.
But you really didn't see.
You were blinded by the rage.
You didn't see my demons
Skulking through the caverns of the my heart
Those dank and dreary grottos
So infested with putrid sorrow
And webs spun of pure derision.
No you didn't see those minions
Of the Prince of such contempt
That you so beckoned in.
You showed him through my gates
Once gilded
Glowing
Innocent
Now corrupted by His essence
Leaking darkness in my home.
'Here, come in, she's weak and for the taking,'
You spat those words
They slithered from your illusory lips
Into His avaricious ears
Like venom in my soul
To poison me with 'love.'
Yes, I know what love is
You have taught me it so well
With your kicks, your shrieks and yells
With your lashings
With your beatings
Both physical and not
With your overworking of my heart
With your indifference
Your performance of comprehension
How could you understand me...
When you barely know my name...?
But still, you claim to love.
What does that mean, again?
Am I wrongly equipped
With an unenlightened dictionary?
Do you hold all the truths
Of love and such conception
That you have all the knowledge?
I will look that 'wisdom' up
While I'm at it,
What's my name?
Which daughter am I...
The 'flawless' ecological one
With cynical, sharp grey eyes
That shoot daggers to those who glare
And even those who don't...
Oh wait, you'll never see that
She is perfect-
She is yours...
What about the lovely nymph
Who you criticize and scold
So much like me-
The one with flowing golden locks of light
Who paints Heaven on the canvas...?
Too bad you'll never see that.
You are shaded by your abhorrence.
It seems to gouge out your eyes so much.
But no...
I am the unnamed girl
To whom you scarcely pay a heed
Save when I do a wrong
Be it of my own or not.
How could I be one of them?
For their souls belong to you
And as for me-
My soul-
It does not.
Somehow, this is my fault.
And you wonder why I weep.
Such delight you seem to take
Such passion, such an ecstasy
In the dashing of my dreams
The savage slashing of my love
You crush my heart into the dust
A million times here over
And you wonder why I hate.
Any contradiction
To your 'sensible' beliefs
Results in such a screaming fest
That I always seem to speculate
Should I really keep my mind?
A simple transformation
To your drooling, droning slave
Just like all the rest
Might save my spirit from that pain
That I-
My own unique persona-
Has brought down upon its face.
I hear your screams again
How many times a day?
Echoing through my ears
Like a whisper from the devil
'Stop that shit!'
'You aren't like that!'
'Don't read such awful crap!'
'I don't care; just get to work!'
'I don't think you're trying!'
And tell me, dears, why should I even try...?
How can you know what I'm like
When you cannot understand
Such a magnitude of hatred?
'That's it-we've had it. Bill, I'm gonna kill her.'
A slap
A kick
A bash into my core
A crashing to the ground
A bloodied bruise upon my face
It sends you to conniptions
'Here, you'd better ice it
'Dammit, please stop crying!
Why'd you hit her so damn hard!?
If you call the cops...'
But will it really help me?
Ice cannot heal such scars
Scars-
They last forever.
That's what their name implies.
You might not
But my impression of you shall
Should a little girl
From an age preceding five
Really need to fear
With a terror unheard by most
The very woman she was borne from?
Or the man who made her be?
Some may say no.
And they are right.
But I know you will deny this
Just as you always have
For hearts of stone
Are set as such
A tombstone of one's soul.
Just keep in mind
When I am gone
Please remember me-
If you can-
Recall my name
In your ashen, caustic hearts
Remember me- the no one.
*************