Two-Pronged Pigeons

You know, I've figured out the solution to the Iraq problem. You say there's no Iraq problem? Well, excuse me for snorting soda up my nose! There is definitely an Iraq problem, which is not the resistance still there, by the way. I mean, come on, they have slingshots, or something. The US army will crush them.

No, the problem is what to do now that the battle of Iraq is over and we still have Republicans and Democrats here, in the US, arguing about the battle of Iraq. Unless you live somewhere else, in which case it's just the US. Anyway, getting back to the point. First of all, let's just assume I have a point, even though I'm not entirely sure myself. Honestly, I'm only writing this to clear up my writers block. So it may never end up having a point.

No, wait, it does have a point. The solution to the Iraq problem, which is, what do we do with the anti-war and pro-war protesters now that the war is basically over? See, the anti-war protesters are miffed because the war happened despite their protests, and the pro-war protesters are upset because the was is over and they have no excuse to go around making fun of the anti-war protesters. There's all this angry energy surging around both camps, and I've found out a way to channel it, which I'm sure President Bush has thought of as well: start another war!

No, I'm serious! It's the perfect solution to the problem, whatever the problem is! We just send the annoying whiny liberals and the annoying hick conservatives to North Korea (we'll draft em), and they'll battle it out between themselves! That way, we won't anger Kim Jong Il, because we will technically be having a civil war, between our own people. And we'll also topple the North Korean regime, because everyone knows when we fight we always kill more people under friendly fire than in outright battle.

So, that solves all our problems, right there (except for the problem of what to set up in Irq as a government. But we'll get to that in a moment). The North Korean regime will be toppled, and all the protesters will be gone, and maybe dead. Which would be no great loss to America.

But wait! There's more! This is a TWO-PRONGED plan. Prong two involves the leaderless nation of Iraq and my pigeons. You know, the murderous pigeons I mentioned recently? Well, I'll send THEM over to Iraq, and THEY'LL CREATE THEIR OWN GOVERNMENT! Yes! That's it! Okay, they'll probably turn out to be vicious brutal dictators who try to take over the world as well, but that's okay. Iraq is far away, and have you ever seen a pigeon try to activate a nuclear bomb? Though they would probably claim they didn't have any.