Title: All The Broken Glass

Author: Ayakaishi Fei aka. FireDemon

E-mail: [email protected]

Rating: PG13

Category: Original Manga. POV. Drama-ish. Romance. Humour.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. Shoujo ai. General scariness.

Summary: Sanosuke Atai is given the task of writing an essay about himself. Self-discovery is a journey he embarks on along the way. Lots of scariness coming from his friends, but he gets there in the end.

Epilogue: And I Couldn't Be Happier.

~ 2 Years Later ~

"If we were to get married love, would you wear the dress?"

I pout, "No, I'd make you wear the dress."

"Oh... well then I don't think I can marry you," Spook decides.

"You say that now..." I tease, "I'd wear a kimono if you asked me too, but not a dress. Not after what Li and Aya made me wear."

"I see," Jasper grins, "In that case love, would you like to marry me?"

I roll my eyes at his teasing and turn to thwap him around the head but I'm stopped in my tracks. Jasper is down on one knee, with a ring and a single chocolate rose.

My scary-slash-insane side lets out a fangirl squeal of happiness inside my head, and my knees turn to jelly, "I... I don't know what to say..." I breathe.

He looks thoughtful, "Well you could go for the very traditional, 'Yes', or alternatively you could say 'No' and break my heart..."

"Oh Jasper..." I laugh, "Yes. I'd love to."

"Good answer," He grins, slipping the ring onto my finger, "I love you Sano, more than anything. You are my One and Only."

"I love you too Jas." Our obligatory kiss is broken by a crash from one of the bedrooms and I untangle myself regretfully from Spooks embrace to investigate the sound.

Mineko blinks up at me from the floor, and her bottom lip starts to tremble, "I fell over 'Tousan."

I pick her up, smoothing her jet black hair back. I can't believe she'll be starting kindergarten next year.

Spook appears in the doorway and rolls his eyes, "I should have guessed."

Mineko giggles, "Papa! Make me fly!"

Spook plucks her out of my arms, "And why should I do that Kitty?"

"Please Papa?" Mineko gives him the puppy-dog eyes - I don't know where she got them from - not me.

Spook laughs, and tosses her up in the air then catches her. She giggles in delight.

It's hard to believe that we were allowed to adopt her, and I am more than grateful to Jas for arranging it and for letting me give him a child in the only way I could.

I know we're young to be parents, and especially young to be same-sex parents, but I didn't want my little sister to grow up with strangers, and for some reason it feels absolutely incredible to be raising a child with the man of my dreams. Maybe it was just some stupid move on my part to make us more like a family, but Jasper is the most wonderful father, and we're happy, together.

"I have something else for you Sano," Spook interrupts my thinking again, stopping me from getting lost in my own little world, "Here."

I open the envelope curiously, and my heart misses a beat, "Jas! Oh my god! I love you!"

He smiles, "We've been saying we'll go for a while now, but I decided if I gave you the ticket there'd be no more putting it off."

"Thank you Jasper. You are the most wonderful, kind, loving-"

"Drop-dead gorgeous, sweet, amazing person and the best in bed that I have ever met." He finishes for me, and I mock glare.

"Oh, hush you, or I might decide that someone like, say, Sedra, is better in bed than you," I threaten.

He kisses me again, almost sandwiching Neko between us, "C'mon love. We were going to go see Tobin before I proposed and we shouldn't mess up our schedule, or more importantly hers."

We pile into the car, and I carefully strap Mineko in the back, before taking my own place next to Spook in the passenger seat.

He passes me the chocolate rose that we'd forgotten thanks to Mineko's distraction, and I blush happily, remembering our first date.

A lot has happened since then. It took me a lot longer than it should have to convince myself that Jasper really wasn't going to hit me the first time I made a mistake. Hell, I still have spells when I have to remind myself that I'm not my mother, and that Jasper would never ever hurt me. It took me even longer to get over my step-fathers final beating and the attempted rape. I must have driven Jasper crazy, in the 6 or 7 months after I moved in, when I aroused him but couldn't bring myself to sleep with him. I truly am grateful that he kept his promise and didn't go to his old friends and fuck-buddy's for favours after that first time with Darra. I don't know if I could have been that faithful, if our positions had been switched.

I... I thought I was over it so many times, but the slightest touch, a single word at the wrong time and I was back at square one. No - I wasn't raped - but what a lot of people don't understand is that it isn't the physical act itself - it's what it does to your mind. They made me feel dirty, and unworthy of love. It took Jas a while to teach me otherwise...

Jasper came out at his college to his Legal Studies class, and suffered a lot of covert discrimination until one of his male teachers blatantly hit on him. At that point I drove him to college, walked him to his classroom and kissed him with a great deal more passion than necessary before I left. Okay, so I'm a little over-possessive, but nobody hits on my Jasper and gets away with it.

Aya and Li had their wedding, as you've probably already guessed, and Aya forced me to wear a dress. Okay, so I wasn't really that bothered by the dress, but still, I have my reputation to think of...

Sedra got into college, where she's studying to become a paediatrician, and she and Lee moved in together. Lee, to absolutely everyone's surprise (except possibly Sedra's) decided to break into the music business, as a rock star of all things. She very publicly announced her affection for Sedra on stage at one of her concerts.

Shannon, well, the random boy Shannon kissed during our last year of high school turned out to be a closet gay named Ben. He'd been crushing on Shannon for over a year when they kissed. Shannon took him to the prom, and Ben retaliated by asking him to move in. They now have a very bright spangly colourful relationship. It scares me.

Katren married her masochistic boyfriend, who actually went on to become a doctor too. She wrote to Shannon, who told me last time we talked that she was planning on opening a sex-shop.

Jamie got into college too; and finally managed to find himself a straight girl to crush on. They're a cute couple despite the fact that he's over a foot taller then her. They'd moved overseas together, last I heard.

Marc and Lizzie broke up, got back together, had a threesome, broke up again, Lizzie tried to kill herself, and Marc had her committed before they got back together once again.

My mother is still with Colin, but she's admitted to her counsellor that she doesn't really love him. I'm hoping that she'll leave him soon, but I know that it's hard for her, because she's built her life around him.

Tobin freaked out over her loss of control at the Children's Home and stopped eating for a while. She was diagnosed as obsessive-compulsive and finally got the treatment she needed.

We managed to adopt Mineko, although the adoption agency was very negative about our chance of getting custody. It took us nearly a year after she was taken by the social services to get her back.

Himitsu had her baby, and wrote me a letter pleading me to come visit.

I smile pensively; warmed by my memories despite the bad ones, and my eyes fix on Jasper, "Thank you."

"For what?" He looks curious.

I shrug, "For being you."

He laughs affectionately, "No problem. And look, here we are."

The Children's Home is a squat white brick building, which looks almost peach in the late afternoon sunlight, with nice looking gardens and a squeaky clean interior.

We ask to see Tobin and are casually directed towards her room, a small white walled very plain area. She's kneeling on the floor when we walk in, her long chestnut hair brushing the floor as she leans over a puzzle.

Mineko lets out a cry of delight, "Neesan! Look at me!"

Tobin looks up and smiles, her cheeks look slightly hollow and her eyes are a little glassy, but she looks a lot happier then she ever did at home.

She hugs Mineko and kisses the top of her head, before she stands to look at us.

Spook smiles at her, "Hey doll-face, we gotcha a present."

He tosses her the box of make-up he'd earlier decided she'd like and she catches it, and smiles back. She's still tiny for her age, almost 16 and just 5'1. She was always just a little too thin, and the drugs that they've given her haven't helped matters any.

"So how've you been sweetheart?"

Her amber eyes light on me, and she shrugs.

"Spook asked me to marry him, would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?" I laugh.

Her eyes shine, as she looks at Jasper and I, "Congratulations." Her voice is cracked and slightly harsh from disuse, but she's talking.

"Thank you," I whisper softly, although whether it's for the warm-wishes or the fact that she's talking I'm not sure.

She smiles softly, "I'm moving in with Tamer next month."

"Congratulations to you too then. I'm glad you're talking again."

She nods, and then signs something with her hands; I translate it aloud,

"It took me a long time, and I am grateful for your help Sanosuke, I am not really comfortable talking yet, but now that I know I can do it, Tamer is going to help me."

I can feel my eyes filling with tears as I hug her, "Goodbye Toby."

Spook ruffles her hair affectionately, and Mineko tearfully throws her arms around Tobin's neck, "Bye 'Neesan."

Tobin smiles and kisses her forehead, "Goodbye little sister."

We walk out and I can't help but stare down at the wedding ring Spook slipped onto my finger, it's gorgeous, but not gaudy, a little feminine perhaps, but... it's pretty. It looks Celtic, and it's set with diamonds and rubies... my two favourite stones. He's so sweet... I need to get him a ring too.

"Hmm, something with emeralds," I muse.

"What?" He asks confused.

"Your wedding ring... I think something with emeralds - to match your hair."

He laughs, tugging me closer and kissing me chastely on the lips - I still melt every time his lips meet mine. God I love him.

I know I sound sappy whenever I think of him, but, after everything I went through to get to where I am now, I think, just maybe, I deserve a little leeway when I get too sappy.

Someone once told me that life is like a deck of cards, you get twos and threes as well as aces. I guess I got all my two and threes when I was growing up - I deserve my aces, with interest, and my beautiful fiancee is definitely that. The ace of hearts, perhaps?

"I love you," I tell him with a grin.

"What?" He asks me in amusement.

"I love you," I repeat.

"You're very random Sano," He tells me affectionately, "And I love you too."

Neko tugs at my hand, "Carry me 'Tousan?"

I pick her up, and smile down at her; she's... adorable. I feel silly saying that, or rather thinking that, so proudly, but... I am proud. She's absolutely gorgeous for a toddler - although I may be biased - with fluffy black dead straight hair, and the most gorgeous heart-stopping big brown eyes. They look almost strange, because they're not as slanted as my mothers, or mine, but they're not as western as Jasper or Colin's. She cuddles closer, her tiny pudgy arms curling around my neck.

"I love you 'Tousan."

"I love you too Neek." I whisper happily. She's intelligent, for such a little girl. I smile at Jasper, entwining our fingers; I truly am blessed. Doubly so.

I practically dance into the apartment when we get home, leaving Spook to carry Mineko. I just realised that I constantly switch between names, it's just that his nickname fits him so well, and when I think of him as Jasper I'm reminded of our first meeting...

Jasper follows me in, his whole manner radiating amusement and tangible arousal. I can just tell he wants to jump me. My eyes flicker to Mineko; I love our baby more than life itself, but right now, I'm almost regretting adopting her. Although, us not having sex 24/7 is probably a good thing. Yeah. It's gotta be a good thing - it adds depth to our relationship. Maybe.

"So, how about you go pack your suitcase while I help Kitty with hers. We have to be at the airport by 0900 hours tomorrow morning love."

I nod, and am completely unable to resist kissing him again. I hope we're not setting a bad example for Neko, but then, how can having two parents show their affection for each other, in a non-sexual way, be bad?

We do make love after Mineko has fallen asleep in her bed and we've locked our own bedroom door. Jasper is every bit as gentle and wonderful as he was the first time we made love on my prom night, playful yet intoxicating, and so damn sexy I could orgasm just from watching him play with himself. Of course he's shown me first-hand that there are far more pleasurable ways to reach orgasm.

I fall asleep curled up in his arms, my legs tangled with his beneath our sweaty sheets and my hair loose over his gorgeous toned torso. I love that I can sleep in his arms without ever comparing myself to my mother. He makes me feel like myself.

He tickles me awake before he kisses me good morning. His hair is adorably mussed and sticks up where he slept on it - but he still looks beautiful. Or maybe it's just me; either way, I love him.

We shower (separately, unfortunately) and Jasper rushes us out the door so that we're not late to arrive at the airport. We book in without any problems, but I know that the stewardess who showed us to our seats thought I was a girl. I glare half-heartedly at Jasper, he introduced me as his fiancee and Neko as our daughter, and well, yes, it's all true, but still...

I'm a *boy* damnit! A slightly effeminate, rather pretty looking boy, but a boy nevertheless.

The plane ride is long, and boring, and we lose an entire day. We get on the plane on a Monday, and arrive in Australia on a Wednesday, Jasper finds it very amusing, but I'm mourning my loss of a day. I miss my poor innocent Tuesday.

Himitsu and Mikael are waiting for us in the terminal when we arrive, and I fling myself into Himi's arms the second I see her. I love Jas and Neko more than anything but Himitsu's my twin sister, and I've really missed her. More than I would ever have dreamed possible.

The way I love her is completely different from the way I love Jas, but that doesn't make the two years we've been separated any less painful.

She pulls back to look at me, then grins and hugs me again. She's teary- eyed, and I can tell she missed me just as much as I missed her.

Her crimson tinged eyes are watery and she's practically glowing with happiness. "I missed you," She whispers, too soft to be heard by anyone but me.

"I missed you too Himi-chan." I peck her on the cheek affectionately. She allows me to do so, which may not sound like a big thing to anyone who doesn't know her - but it is. Neither of us like being touched, her more than me, and it takes a lot of trust, on her part, to let someone even peck her cheek. She suffered a lot more before my father died than I did, which is why I can understand her choice to leave. I know she would have invited me if she'd thought I'd come, but I've always been the "mothering" one, odd though that sounds, and even though she loves me, she's not as protective of me as I am of her. It's hard to explain our relationship, but I understand it and so does she - and we've never needed to explain it to anyone else.

"Sano, I want you to meet your niece, this is Tayma." She lifts the corner of a tiny pink blanket to reveal a cream face topped with a shock of black hair, and I smile.

"She's beautiful," I tell my sister softly, slightly awed by the 18-month old baby my sister has actually given birth to.

"I know," Himi giggles and blushes, cuddling the baby close. "I can't believe you're here... It's so good to see you."

I nod, tensing as Jasper wraps an arm around my waist and relaxing when I realise it's him. He smiles at my sister politely, "You must be Himitsu, it's nice to meet you."

Himitsu looks slightly startled, then lets out another giggle, "This is your 'significant other'?"

I grin sheepishly, and Jasper kisses me, on the lips, in front of my sister before he looks back at her, "I prefer fiancee actually."

She squeals, "Oh my god. Congratulations Sano!"

I smile, "Thanks Himi."

Mineko squirms in Jasper's hold and I pluck her out of his arms with a grin, "You want to say 'hello' to Aunty Himi, huh Neek?"

Neko looks up shyly, "Hello."

Himitsu's eyes are wide, but she looks happy, "You... you..."

I shrug, "We adopted her. I wanted to surprise you when we came, but I was planning on coming a lot sooner."

She looks between me and Jasper and then takes my hand, "Are you happy 'Suke, are you really, truly happy?"

I link our fingers together and smile at her, "Yes, I'm really and truly happy. Happier than I probably deserve."

She shakes her head; "You deserve to be happy San. For the rest of your life."

I know I still have problems to overcome. There is no 'and everyone lived happily ever after', but right now, just for right now, I'm happy, I have my family, I'm in love with the most incredible gorgeous amazing guy I've ever met, and my life is exactly what I make it.

The End.

Authors Notes: *Chokes from sap overdose* I liked writing the end, my poor Sano finally got to be happy, and he and Spook got all domesticated. Anyway, I hope you liked it, it wasn't the happiest ending, but it fit, and Sano and Jas got to happy so I'm happy. I'm only sorry it took so long. *sighs* It was complicated. I can not believe I've finally finished this! *Squeals* This is the longest original story I have ever written... and it's finished. 150 pages. Oh my god! I'm so proud of myself. I've finally finished something I started. I rock!!! *Grins*

Oh, much of this story was inspired by music; therefore I must give credit to Savage Garden for their album Affirmation, Christina Aguilira for her album Stripped, and Evanescence for their album Fallen. Without them this story would not be what it is.

I also want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story at any point during its creation, anyone who has read and hasn't reviewed, and anyone who will read and review in the future. You have my most sincere gratitude.

ALSO: Anyone and everyone who enjoyed this, and was at all interested in Sedra or Lee, my friend wrote me a companion piece to this, told from Lee's perspective, which explains everything about them that this couldn't. Please check it out and review, or I'll set Lizzie and Marco on you. *smiles innocently*

The story is title Guii Kousotsu, on Kaizer K-chan's page www. fictionpress.com /profile.php?userid=123098 without the spaces. Enjoy!

My Final Review Replies:

Squee: First off it's alright, I'm thrilled whenever you review, regardless of how late, or whether you've missed a chapter. *gins* It's scary isn't it - that this is completely and utterly finished now. Thank you for the compliment, I am so flattered that you thought that this was well-written, it's taught me a lot about writing, and it's made me a lot more aware of techniques - which is actually helping me with English. I doubt that I'm good enough to ever get published, I'll probably end up being a heartless lawyer *grins*, but thank you for your confidence in my writing ability. *hugs back* Hope you enjoyed, I'll miss your (infrequent) reviews, and hearing from you. If you ever want to drop me a line or chat, feel free.

Jin Munku-JGSPTV: Will respond to everything, I agree with you to an extent on the Sano/Jas angle. Things did go very quickly, but Jasper's a slut. Things slowed down significantly after Sano's issues came into play. Shannon and Jamie *stares in absolute shock* I did not realise I had ever hinted at that. The blushing-ness in the 11th chapter, was because he had a crush on Sedra, not Shannon, Jamie's uncomfortable with m/m action, and if I were to suggest him getting with another boy he'd freak out and hide behind his midget girlfriend. I always intended to have Ben and Shannon together - I met a Goth named Ben who had a boyfriend named Shannon, so I decided then and there to name Shannon's future boyfriend Ben. I can't believe you're obsessing at school - although I suppose I obsess over QaF at school. I'm flattered. Thanks for reviewing - I'm glad you decided to, I like reviews! By the way, your poems are great!

Darkflare: Well... when you reviewed you were at Ch1, but I'll assume that you'll read the rest of this *looks hopeful* Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you enjoy/enjoyed it.

Galene: Wow... I don't know what to say except thank-you. I'm glad that you liked it. I love it when people say they wish that this didn't have to end, because that's how I feel about all my favourite stories, and doing that for someone else is a big thing. Thank you for reviewing, I hope you enjoyed the epilogue.

Moriah: You are one of the sweetest most amazingly adorable and nice people I know. I am so touched, and flattered, and I'm running out of words... but I am glad that you read this and reviewed this, and all. I love you too Mo, always, you're an incredible person and you're cute too boot *winks*. Thanks for being there for me, it means a lot to me. *Hugs*

Rae: *giggles* I didn't realise I wrote so fast. I try to get my chapters up fairly quickly, and this has been a dream to write. Over 150 pages, and it's been fun. I am *so* flattered that you would say that to me, and I am so glad I have managed to make them feel real to you. Everyone seems to have liked Sano's essay, and that makes me very happy. I'm sorry that this has to end, I will miss all my babies, but I'm so thrilled that I've finally managed to finish something.

JustandalwaysMo: *giggles* Well... I'm glad that you did read it and like it, I'm not usually a self-discovery type person, but there are a lot of amazing self-discovery fics out there. I enjoyed writing this, it's helped me to explore character development and my use of 1st person narrative. Thanks a ton for reviewing, and I hope you enjoyed the disgustingly sappy ending.

i-nv-u50: I think they do understand each other - they seem to have a balance of some kind. Of course it's Ben. *huggles Ben* I now know 3 gay Ben's... I think it must be a gay name. Sorry, weird tangent. I'm working on their side-story, 3 small words, but it's damn hard to write. Hope you enjoy the epilogue... This is *over*. Stares at screen in shock.

Kowai Magenta: *Is flattered* Wow... thanks... Sorry it took so long to get the epilogue up, I've had a lot of things I technically should be doing... but I managed to get it all written up and ready to post.

Wolveress: *giggles and hugs Wolve* I'm really glad you liked it, and I hope you really did have a good day. 9am in the morning, I am very impressed. Thanks a ton for reviewing!

Demented Weesil: You thought last chapter was sweet? This one was worse, right up there with me and Sarah (my girlfriend) when we're flirting. Disgustingly sappy, but oh well. I promised a sappy ending and Sano and Jas are so sickeningly sweet sometimes. I'm flattered, but seriously, there are a ton of better authors out there than me. I don't think you're that weird, my best friend is bi, 8 months older than me, and she's never so much as kissed anyone. Ooh, I wanna take a sex test... where'd you take it? *grins* I think I phrased that wrong, it should have been Ich bin Phae, or Ich bin heisse. It has been ages since I did German. My name isn't pretty, it's awful, Phaedra, like the bitch in Greek Mythology. I haven't properly learnt Japanese I am just *very* fond of the language. Aw you poor thing, I have sympathy pains for you. I wish I was a gay guy damnit. I think it kinda needs to end, but if I reach the end and enough people really think it needs a sequel I'll write one. I think a lot of you will be happy to finally see this end. It is kinda cool, I like being a senior, but it's kinda hard too. I was in a senior class when I was a junior last year, and I passed it too! Congrats on being so smart *hugs* And thanks for reviewing.

Kenya Bloodstone: Thanks, I'm glad you liked. I was worried that people might not like the essays, so I'm glad you did. Hope you enjoy the epilogue too, and thanks a ton for reviewing.

Mashimaro-Byul-012: *grins* Wow, I'm glad it's of use to someone. I liked Sano's speech too, I've had it written for ages, but I tweaked it a fair bit to get it right. Thanks for reviewing!!!

Nieni Springs: I never know whether to be scared or flattered by your reviews - so I'll go with flattered. Glad you liked last chapter, and I hope you like this one too. This is the end. Good luck with the sweater... heh.

Laughing Cat: *giggles* My maths teacher would probably be okay with the making out, since the guys in my class have a tendency to hit on him and he takes that well enough. My English teacher would probably be okay with it too, still a lot of teachers wouldn't. Theirs is supposed to be fresh out of college though and scared of her own shadow. Anyway, I meant to say, thanks a ton for reviewing. Sorry for rambling.

Hanakimi: Oh thankyou all forgiving one. They did have sex, see? I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for reviewing. It was very flattering.

futagoakuma-tenshi02: Well firstly thanks a ton for the complement. I'm glad that you liked. In answer to your question, yes actually, I am. My brother Nat and I are *very* close, but he's not the centre of my universe *pets Nat*. We have a weird relationship so I'm not going to be stupid enough to say "I know all" because I think everyones' relationship is different. There wasn't much about Sano's relationship with his sister since she left in the first chapter, but they are close as I hope this chapter showed. Sano's friends... A lot of them are bi/gay/les, although not all of them. The saying "birds of a feather flock together" is probably very true for this group. The gay/straight/bi ratio is very similar to that of my group of friends at school. I have more gay/les/bi friends than I do straight ones.

I do know what you mean, about abandonment, and Himi doesn't want to leave, there are a lot of mitigating circumstances around what went on. I believe that you can love your twin to death, and still leave them if need be, because believe me I love my brother. Sorry, I'm not trying to blast you and I hope it doesn't sound that way. In answer to your other question, I'm first generation Australian, European descent, and life here is alright, although personally I'd prefer to live in America or Japan.

forever fallen: From the bottom of my heart... Thank you. I am truly flattered, and honoured, that I have managed to make them as real to you as they are to me. I hope that this lived up to your expectations, and I thank you for your review - I was truly touched by your kind words!

Nightmare: *Smiles* Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter and hope the implied sex is okay. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and will review again. *takes a bow*

Now that this is finished... Please review?