The Hilarious Bus Trip

By Davido Martino

It Had Been A Typical Day At Work.

I Was On The 44A Bus Coming Back Home.

As Usual, The Driver Was Pleased That His Shift Was Nearly Over, So He Sped And Broke The Speed Limit Twice.

On One Occasion, He Sped Past A Speed Camera. It Flashed. He Swore.

He Got Booked A Mile Or Two Down The Road. Typical. Just Typical!

This Was The Best Trip Home In Ages.

After The Driver Got Booked, Some Neds Got On And Sat At The Back Of The Bus. As They Walked By Me, They Smelt Of Drink.

They Started Singing Songs Like "Humpty Dumpty", That Kind of Stuff.

A Few Minutes Later, A Mother And Her Two Children Got On. I Would Say The Boy Looked Five And The Girl Looked Older, Like Nine. They Sat Down, And A Couple Of Seconds Later Started To Talk About Pocket Money.

Then The Real Fun Started. An Old, Drunk Man Got On The Bus. He Was Staggering And Swaying Around. He Was Shouting Out Elvis Songs, As He Had An Earphone In His Ear, Which Was Supposedly Playing Elvis Songs To Him. He Was Shouting, "You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog" And "Blue Suede Shoes". Odd.

His Voice Was Extremely High-Pitched For A Man His Age And It Sounded Like A Cat Being Strangled.

So, Naturally, The Neds Started To Sing. They Said:

"The Front Of The Bus, He Cannae Sing, He Cannae Sing, He Cannae Sing, The Front Of The Bus He Cannae Sing."

"'Cos He's A Poofter!" Shouted Out The Small Boy. This Was A Perfect Bus Ride Home. Everyone Including Me Was Laughing Like We Had Never Laughed Before. It Was So Funny, The Bus Driver Had To Stop And Laugh Into His Steering Wheel!!

The Bus Had Started To Move Again And The Drunk Old Man Said:

"It's Not My Fault," He Staggered And Swayed, "It's Not My Fault I'm So Talented And Handsome!"

The Man Was Taken Off The Bus And Arrested By The Police Because He Starting Doing Those Crazy Dances And Prancing Around The Place.

Odd. But Generally Humorous. Please Read And Review! Thanks!