I'm sick of being told what to do
I just wish that I was older than you

I wish that I was 75
Smelly and lazy and barely alive
At 5 pm I'd go to sleep and not wake up till noon
Oh how I wish I was 75.

Nursing homes and spelling B's
Old women and red wood trees
I'd tell you stories for a fee
Doesn't matter if I have no memory
Oh how I wish I was 75.

I'd set in front of the tv screen
I'd have other people bring me things
And hey sweet thing, I need a scrub bath tonight
Retirement funds are the way to live
You get to take but dont have to give
Oh how I wish I was 75.

I wish that I was 75
Smelly and lazy and barely alive
I'd spend my whole day playing kanasta
I betcha my teeth I'll out last ya
Oh how I wish I was 75.

Dentures and arthritis cream are the key
Always drinking coffee or decaffeinated tea
Oh don't you wish you were 75?
Oh I can't wait till I'm 75!