To someone whose name starts with A.


1 (dis-)
: the opposite of

our lives are tinted
and battle-themed,
with crazed edges of
pulsating somethingorother
(this hurt we wrap up in all sorts of
eye-pleasing colored paper
and give each other for christmas)
that you call friendship
and I call seven years of nothingness.

what we have done to each other -
(sip hostile tea
write menacing letters)
we bicker with the lights on
and gossip with the lights off -
you know it's dangerous when
I notice and you don't.

sure, I had talent (you said pretty words don't matter).
sure, you had friends (I said conversation is overrated).
sure, we were penguins in the desert (and you never understood my analogies either).
doesn't mean a thing
when proximity suffocates
so that we breathe blue blood
and bleed red air.

: twist

bitch, bitch
let's all die by o-zone suicide,
(oh wait, that doesn't exist, nothing does)
annihilate a nihist
and see what her dying words are.
kill a disease
and hear that snort of laughter,
the pearl of snot I know is there,
hurtling toward someone else's hapless sleeve.

don't forget
I was the one to teach you the game
(to color outside of the lines)
and feel no shame for it.
your ghost may be tender
but my world is concrete
(soft and dented, but concrete).
when was the last time you made sure you were real?

: a state of being

whateveritwas -
(a lack of electronegativity, or perhaps
our atomic radii were too radically different)
a socialist revolution,
a republican reaction,
maybe you finally realized it was the
fake fruit flavoring
that made the edges
of your books stick all the time (and not my breath),
maybe I finally lost
one chess game too many (it was hardly your fault),
or maybe we woke up one morning
to find ourselves
on opposite sides of the world -
a fever so high
we lost each other in the fray of peripheral vision.
what can I say?
thanks a lot, what the hell, oh my god;
maybe I should,
you always hated that.

I always knew it would fall apart (I always changed the subject).
you knew everything else (you didn't remember how to be yourself).