Hello friends
It's me again
That whiny, morbid girl
The one who always wants a hand
To aid her from the ashes
Adorning her beseeching face
With smeary streaks of grey
You couldn't abandon such a wretch
Your sweet, good-natured consciences
Would bash your hearts into the ground.
Besides, you retain a long-forgotten pathos
That scarce humans still possess
And I worship you for that.
For I've never known that feeling
But oh well...
It doesn't matter
I'm just like everyone else
Since practically no one does anymore.

Her pleas- they dragged you in
To something you can't escape now
Compelled you just to listen once
And pull her from the pain
The anguish that she claimed
She endured through every day
The rotting sea of gory emotion
Rushing waves of cerise tears
Of those who weren't salvaged...
And you couldn't help but rescue her
You didn't want her to end up like that...

She begs for you to save her
Time and time again
To reach your hand from the light
Your golden, gleaming Paradise
Extend it into the drear
The murky ocean of death
And save her from the dark
That embraces her each day
In its demonic, twisted way
And yet-
She never lends one back.

She just won't seem to understand
That no one really cares.
For who would want to venture
From sugary Nirvana
To a place where sufferance conquers all
And shadows drench the forsaken, raven plains
And nothing ever grows?
I really can't blame you for leaving.

Of course you seem to love her
With your heart-felt hugs and sighs
And your prayerful, wounded wails of
Don't kill yourself-
Stay alive-
We love you-
Please don't go.
What if she wants she leave...?
With your mournful beads of salty tears
Crystal pools of sorrow
Gathered in agonized puddles
Glistening humbly in your sparkly auras
Skipping down your trembling cheeks
Splattering against her solid heart
Frozen-
Iced over and hard on contact-
Frosty daggers of undiluted blood
Cold as stone.

A few lone drops may seep
And dribble through the cracks
To wear away at her lingering soul
Devouring ravenously
With watery fangs of death
'Til her feeble supports-
They split and shatter
And rest-
Silent-
Brittle, bloodied remnants on the floor.

Your weeping-
Literally slashes through her heart
An unseen slaughter.
Of course she doesn't show it-
She is stone
Incapable of visible emotion.
But still-
You always claim to love her
And somehow-
She knows it's true.
But does she say a word of thanks?
No.
Dead bitch.

But you really aren't aware
Of how your milky stares
And lifeless nods
And "Alli, it's okay."
You really don't see
How wrenching they can be.
Paired up with a nervous laugh
Or a hasty alteration of the subject
Such cruel reactions
To her daily ramblings of depression
Her shrill, annoying moans of angst
You just assume as typical
She'll get over it.
She's just fine.
...

How could you be so deaf?
You never failed her.
She failed you.
Don't you hear her cries for help?
All she really wants-
...Oh wait...
Your ears were blocked
By all her filthy lies.

"No, I'm really fine now."
"Of course I stopped the cutting!"
"How could you think I'd do that!?"
She didn't want to see your eyes again
Your orbs of glassy love
She didn't want to see them soaked
Brimming with your torment
Each one
Each tiny diamond
The gem of grief and ache
Screaming
As it slipped
Down your reddened cheeks
How could you do that?!
What were you thinking!?
Don't hurt yourself!
We love you...
Even if no one else does...

Of course she heard their shrieks...
And yet...
She didn't hear them.
For if she did-
Wouldn't she have listened...?
No.
How many times do I have to say it?
She won't ever change.
She's unconscious underneath.

So I'm here to say I'm sorry
For that dismal, gloomy girl
The one who doesn't deserve to be as such
And tortures you nonetheless
I'm sorry for her ingratitude
At your constant support
Your ardor
Your everlasting deliverance
I'm sorry she never cared.
I'm sorry for her pathetic cries
She never really saw
What was good in life
She only saw the bad
But of course-
She only did it for attention.
And you always had to hear it
And bear it
A constant dilemma
Hanging above your heads
A malignant specter
Blackened dust above your heart
Haunting your every move.
She summoned it there.
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for her endless sobbing
And her swords upon your souls
And how she was always blind
To the hurt she always caused
Never stopping
Never ceasing
Just doing it all-
For herself.
Selfish monster.

Why do you even bother hoping for her?
Your love makes you naive
She is just too lost
To ever be saved.
So just give up.
You can't do a thing
Stop your silly worrying
Stop letting her kill you too
She doesn't want that.
She won't die
At least-
Not in your eyes...

**********

Note: this was written partially in response to one of my best friend Mystic Kiwi's poem "Apology to a Friend," which was written about me. *Cringe* I would advise reading it, as it sheds a good amount of light on our current situation. But actually, my poem was begun about 30 minutes before I read her poem for the first time, which is sort of strange. Just to tell my friends who actually read this, you are the only people that keep me going, but I always find myself to be the crappy, selfish friend, not Mysti, who thinks she failed me. In actuality, I always think that I'm the one who failed them with my constant dark and morbid attitude, my whining, and hurting them when I hurt myself without thinking of how they're going to feel afterwards, and sometimes I wish they would just stop trying and let me die. I know this poem is really bad, but I don't care. I'm so depressed and lonely lately and I just wanted to write something. Thanks. To my friends: don't let this make you feel bad. I love you guys, but please...could I just...die...?