Are you tired-
Hungry. Allergic.
Injured. Crazy Eddie's parkin' garage, I'm-
Offering you the protection and support of
Knowing- You can lose 60 pounds in just-
Two hours after application your- Teeth will be 7 more shades-
Purple, Neon, and our new addition- Super-absorbant, poly-florescent-
Ominpotent Godliness- Maxi pads-
Containing Ginseng- Rosemary and Thyme.
With wings- And a 60% money-back guarantee (thumbs up). (pause)

New, extra strength Bayer-
Extra to what? Do you need extreme relief to your physical pain?
Okay, just figure out what'll kill me, and
back it off a little. New, Maximum Strength-
Proven to knock you out in 10 seconds flat.
(Looks at watch) Approximately. Body Wash for Normal Skin-
Aw, shucks, I have weird skin. With Chamomile-
Gesundheit. And mythical extract?
What? Final Product not tested on animals-
But as for the individual parts beforehand- Fluffy! So that's why your fur is blue!
Does your life lack excitement? Oh no, I only have brown hair, now I'm going to be a failure!
Get highlights today- And live a normal-
Exciting! Life

Herbal Essences Shampoos, with natural, organic-
Chemicals! And botanicals that come to us in-
Contaminated! Mountain spring water, will leave your hair feeling-
As if it just fell into a pile of steamin' horse- Shine. With marigold flowers, anglica and thyme in-
The very center of the wild- Gallyweikich! (switch) You mean Dr. Galakawitz? Yes I am-
The deadliest snake in North America. Chosen for its smooth taste and-
Edible- Bud, Wise
Crieky! Australian for beer.

NO one will know you smoke with the
Minty freshness of- Garlic can reduce the signs of aging And ensure-
That no vampires will- Notice your full body hair-
Only when it blinds the taxi-cabs. This is a Genuine Imitation-
Maximum Strength- Glow-in-the-Dark-
Cover-girl lipstick. Vibrant color that will
Last for- 20-seconds, you can have a full head of-
Luscious skin. Say goodbye to- Poland Spring, what it means to be from-
Albuquerque Newtown!
.Maine. Water that has been exceptionally protected By nature-
No humans allowed! What, they have like, deer with machine guns-
Breaker, breaker, this is Smokey the Bear-
We have homo-sapiens on the perimeter. (western trailer) Uh-oh, mama, the Green Beret bears got in agin'!
Repeat! They are encroaching on the
Perimeter! Hey honey, what's that?
Why, it's a cheetah! We can outrun it right?
No, this is only a Corolla! Avalanche!
Why didn't you invest in the outback?
It can dodge boulders. .Yeah, cuz that happens a lot.

I celebrate myself, and sing myself. Chamomile and Water Lily-
And what I assume you shall assume, Love thy neighbor-
For every atom belonging to me- As you would love thyself. As good belongs to you.
Fragrance and Cocamide- Don't smell it, you'll only make it worse-
Propylene Glycol Say that three times fast.
With Sodium- Be yourself-
D&C Orange #4 Not who others want you to be.
Polyquaternium-10 She can't take much more a' this Captain!
Angelica Archangelica Extract I canna' change the laws a physics!
I'm a doctor, not an engineer. It's gonna' blow!
Trust thyself. What does this button do?
Know thyself. Famous last words: This is the real deal, Clinically proven to-
LOVE thyself.

Say THAT three times fast!