A/N: And I was sticking to my updating schedule so well for a while there.. *growls* _ I apologize, folks, but I've literally had a project due every day this week, and I have just recently been assigned even more. It sucks, but I'll try to keep Purrfection's metaphorical head above the metaphorical water for as long as I metaphorically can.

Dash: Wha-

On with the fic. ^.^


I was contently nestled between heavy blankets, smooth, contoured sheets, and the warm press of Diego's body when the stench of hell began pouring into my face. Grumbling low in my throat, I squinted my eyes open, blinking into the pale slice of light stretching from the doorway to the far side of the room. Spunky hovered at the very side of the bed, his pooling black eyes buggy beneath bristly white brows, his tiny pink tongue rising and falling over his spit-slicked black lower lip in a rancid pant. I gritted my teeth and made the mistake of taking a long breath in through my nose. Diego shifted under the blankets, a low growl rising from deep in his chest as I coughed behind the press of my palm. After regaining myself and concentrating on breathing solely through my mouth, I glared at Spunky with all the rage of one very pissed off little kitty. Mrow. The Shih Tzu tilted his head to the side before giving a quiet 'ruff!' "Chief!" My ear twitched, my fingers practically puncturing holes into the sheets and mattress.


"There's an emergency! You have to come! Quick!" Scoffing quietly, I lightly shook my head, the veins running from under my wrists up along my forearms rigidly convulsing beneath my skin. I slowly raised my gaze, the skin between my eyebrows kneaded into small ridges.

"Look here, you little revolting mass of fur and fleas, I don't -have- to do anything, so, I highly suggest that you get that little notion out of your pea brain and hover your stinky ass on out of here." Spunky narrowed his eyes and barked, loudly and impatiently, causing Diego to knee me in the thigh and grumble unintelligibly. I gritted my teeth, upper lip curled, and made a sloppy lunge at the floating mutt with both outstretched hands. He dodged me like I was a joke, frowned sternly, and bobbed his head in I Dream of Jeannie fashion, the small tuft of hair gathered into a tiny pink bow at the top of his skull swaying. An all too familiar puff of purple and pink glitter and sparkles clouded the scenery around me. "Hey!" I desperately clawed at the sheets as my body began levitating upwards into the shoujo sparkle-fest, my pants and t-shirt vanishing to leave me in a few brief seconds of utter embarrassment before the clothing was replaced by my Dashy Mew Mew getup. Spunky stared at me, nodded approvingly, and hovered over to the window.

"Now follow me, chief." I gave a high pitched sputter. All I wanted was my eight hours of sleep and a nice, cuddly Diego to snuggle with. Is that so much to ask? Is it? I think I'm gonna cry. Groaning and rolling my eyes in protest, I stumbled off of the bed and noisily shuffled to the window, shoulders drawn up in a sulk. The dust mop from hell bobbed his head again, telekinetically unlatching and raising the window, and proceeded in silently hovering out into the night. I blinked. Sometimes I get the feeling that my life is one really long, really bad acid trip. Nevertheless, I sighed, sprawled over the window ledge and wriggled out, dropping onto the dark, wet pavement below. Spunky hovered before me at eye level and panted expectantly. I cocked a brow.


"You need to close the window, chief." I began to open my mouth to ask why someone who could open things with their mind couldn't close them, thought twice about it, and smacked my lips shut. Don't ask a stupid question if you aren't expecting a stupid answer.




"Most superheroes -fly- or jump in gravity-defying leaps and bounds to get to a scene of crisis.." Spunky nodded from the tiny, frilly pink sidecar attached to my matching tricycle, flowing glittery streamers, purple star-shaped reflectors and all.

"Yes, chief. But you forget, we are not 'most superheroes'." I flattened my ears and continued bitterly pedaling, my knees drawn up and practically touching either side of my face.

"Oh, trust me. I haven't forgotten.." The third beer can that night smacked into the side of my skull accompanied by a less than flattering comment. I'd stopped counting the insults four minutes ago. Again, I ask you, how much more pride do I have to lose?


I eased the tricycle to a lurching stop at the side of a towering black skyscraper, crippled by years of neglect. A few pigeons noisily cooed and ruffled feathers above, huddled into a crevice formed by crumbling concrete and a splintered window. I stared up, a light grimace twitching over my lips. "Why can't the bad guys ever choose a ritzy hotel with upscale dining to rendezvous in?" Spunky chuckled lightly and began hovering upwards. I blinked quickly, watching the petite pooch grow increasingly smaller against the dim, flickering black of the night. "Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

"To defend that which is The Yaoi, chief." I rose up off of the tricycle and tried to tug at my tight, pink spandex shorts as discreetly as possible. It really doesn't matter if you're lying down or riding a bike; "comfortable" is not an adjective to ever be associated with the damn things. And people wonder why Heero Yuy is always so bitter and crotchety. Pfft.

"Well, how the hell am I supposed to get up there? Don't even think that I'm trusting the stairs or elevator of this crumbling tower of shit- za." Spunky's voice drifted down to me, muffled and faded.

"Just stand on the seat of the Mewcycle, chief." I had to blink a few times before the sparkly tricycle of embarrassment mentally clicked in my mind as "the Mewcycle". Aww, how cute. Not. Gag me with a spoon; psh. Sighing and lowering my ears, I carefully planted one bright pink Converse high-top clad foot onto the matching tricycle seat. Gradually easing more and more weight into the foot, I cautiously spread my arms for balance, and lifted my other foot off of the pavement. To my surprise and relief, I didn't find myself immediately face down on the sidewalk. A raggedy old hobo pushing a squeaky, cluttered shopping cart paused on his midnight stroll to slowly blink at me. I grinned, proudly flattening my ears.

"Not bad, eh?" He belched loudly, stared for a few seconds longer, and resumed his slow, shuffling walk. Fine, don't care. Psh. Just as I had gotten the feel for balancing on the tricycle, the damn thing began hovering upwards at a speed somewhere between light and sound. Less than a fraction of a second later, I was on the sullied roof of the skyscraper, shakily stumbling towards a very amused appearing Shih Tzu, my hair more ruffled than usual, eyes wide, lips gaping. "What..the fuck..was that.." Spunky beamed happily, raising his chin in proud accomplishment.

"That, chief, was the power of The Yaoi."

"I feel like I've just been gang banged by a flock of rabid roadrunners."

"Precisely." The Mewcycle innocently sparkled and glittered and twinkled off to the side. I narrowed my eyes, mentally flicked it off, and trudged closer to Spunky.

"Okay, so, now what? We just find the bad guy, overwhelm him with the almighty power of The Yaoi, and go home?" A slinking, feminine voice trickled into the night.

"Not quite.." Flattening an ear, I shifted my eyes to the side, tensing into a fighting stance. The tall, curvy woman laughed like a dull razorblade, a breathy, jagged chuckling. And, of course, as if on cue, lightning illuminated the dark sky in a quick, uneven slashing of light. Cleo lifted her chin and laughed, her audible amusement chiming with the resounding thunder. Tabby gave a low growl from where she half lay, half kneeled at Cleo's feet, slender cinnamon, black striped arms slunk around the taller catgirl's legs. I twitched an ear and blinked. Lightning split the skies again as Cleo dramatically pointed at me, her ears pinned back, the large black female sign hoop earrings hanging from them wavering slightly. "Dashy Mew Mew, you are hereby challenged to a duel." I blinked again, only more violently this time.

"Says who?" The tanned catgirl erected her posture, firmly jabbing at her upper chest with her thumb.

"Says I, Cleocatra, Defender of that which is The Yuri!" I blinked.

"..Uh..Ooookay." Scoffing and smirking, I propped my hands on my hips in a feminine pose and arched an eyebrow. "'Cleocatra'? Pfft. Real original. Where'd you ever come up with that one. Psh." Cleo tightened her brows and crossed her bare arms over her chest, which was made even more prominent than usual by the second skin of purple pleather coating her body.

"Don't even start with me, alright?" She tried to keep a snide grin from sliding onto her dark purple lips. "Dashy Mew Mew. HAH." I blinked abruptly. What's wrong with 'Dashy Mew Mew'? Tabby snickered roughly and crawled around Cleo's feet on all fours, arching her back and rubbing against the taller catgirl's legs with a rumbling purr. The corner of my upper lip twitched.

"Alright, alright. You said you were the defender of lesbian sex, you're plastered in female symbols; I think I get it. You really don't need to physically act it all out." Cleo perked a brow, her lips drawing together in a curious pout. Tabby shot me an 'I-am-the-spawn-of-all-evil' stare, slid her thin black lips into a smirk, and rose onto her knees to begin rubbing her long, black-nailed fingers up Cleo's legs and thighs. My left eye broke into a fit of spastic twitching, my tail beginning to violently flick at the air behind me. My twitching only got worse when Spunky decided that two could play at the horny smut game and began rubbing up against my bare leg like he had a really bad itch. Fingers clenching into quivering fists, I visibly gritted my teeth. "SPUNKY!" The catsuit- adorned she-sluts broke into fits of evil laughter. Spunky blinked up at me, whimpered, and cocked his head to the side.

"But, chief-"



"..Have you made your funeral home preparations?" The tiny dog blinked.


"Then get away from me. Right now." He stared at me as if he were about to protest, thought twice on it, and backed away. Maybe dogs have brains after all. And maybe I'm really a repressed lesbian in the body of a teenage boy. Psht. Tossing my bangs out of my face, I reassumed my 'bring it on' stance, and narrowed my glittering amber eyes. "Alright, so, what? What are the rules to this battle of the sexes?" Cleo straightened her posture, hands on hips, her chin arrogantly raised.

"There are no rules." I blinked, my shoulders slacking some.

"Then how the hell do we know who's won?" The tanned catgirl smirked lightly, sliding an arm down to rest her hand on top of Tabby's head.

"Whoever surrenders first is the loser."

"So..whoever _doesn't_ surrender first is the winner?" Cleo gave a haughty laugh.

"Ooh hoo hoo, the boy toy can make logical deductions." I tightened my brows, ears flicking backwards. There's no need to get disagreeable; I was just asking a simple question. Psh.

"Alright, whatever, Cleo. I'm not here to fight; I'm here to..er.. Okay never mind you know what I mean. Just come on." Chortling, the curvy catgirl sauntered forward, flexing her fingers at her sides.

"So eager to meet your demise, Mr. Mew." I scoffed with a dark grin and tightened my fists, the lights of the night and city glinting off of the silver pyramid studs lining my knuckles.

"That's Master Mew to you, bitch." I lunged forward faster than I had intended, my outstretched fist a blur of pink. Cleo slipped to the side, bits of gravel crunching underneath her slender black high heels. I skidded unsteadily, trying to gain some traction from the smooth soles of the high-tops. I was too used to my custom-designed boots which had more traction than an army tank and were specially crafted for abrupt halts, tight corners, and inhuman speeds. Remind me to ask The Yaoi if a shoe change is possible. I was caught mid-turn when the heavy spike of Cleo's heel dug into the small of my back. My eyes widened, my breath squeakily catching in the back of my throat. Excruciating, agonizing, painful, unbearable; go ahead and select an adjective. Wheezing, I fell to all fours, sliding a hand back to make sure that my spine was still in tact. Cleo hovered over me like an annoying little grant, forever intent on lodging itself in my eye.

"Oh please. I barely even touched you." Snarling, I lifted a shaky finger.

"Don't..even..start." Skittering to my feet with a rather disconcerting crackling noise, I growled at the smirking catgirl.

"Oh, don't worry, Dash. I haven't."

"Ha fucking ha." I swept forward once more, hoping to catch the catgirl across the stomach with my outstretched arm. She dodged, but not fast enough to keep my fist from landing a quick blow at the side of her hip. It wasn't really wounding, but it did upset her balance, enough for me to lunge behind her and jab her in the opposite hip with my elbow. Out of my peripheral vision I caught Spunky and Tabby circling each other with low growls. Cleo unsteadily turned to face me, hands loosely slung around her waist. I smiled dashingly (HAHA). "Can't keep up?" Shaking her head with a light sneer, she scoffed.

"Oh, just you wait." With a guttural yowl, she bowed her back inwards and outstretched her hands, the light sliding in smooth, liquid brushstrokes along the sheer purple of her catsuit. A swirling violet and black vortex split the air behind her. I blinked violently as a few, long, groping tentacles began stretching out from the spinning light.

"What the.." I instinctively backpedaled until the overgrown tentacle monster was in full view and the vortex had sealed itself. Cleo threw her head back with a sharp laugh, the creature's violet tentacles flailing behind her, its one large, bulging eye locked onto me. I blinked and slowly raised a questioning hand. "Uhh..Cleo? I hate to ruin your bad- bitch power trip, but aren't tentacle monsters supposed to be representative of..uh..male organs?" Her laughter lightened, her dark golden eyebrows rising. "And I mean, if you're the defender of _yuri_, then what the hell do you need with a-"

"Shut up, okay? Just shut up. He was on sale, so.." I didn't even bother masking my amusement, which Cleo didn't seem too pleased about. Hunching her shoulders, lips drawn in a stiff pout, she scowled at me. "Yeah, well, I don't see -your- secret battle-sealing weapon anywhere." Coughing away my laughter, I smirked, smoothly motioning to the Mewcycle. The catgirl slowly perked a brow. "Dash.."


"...I think I just lost my last bit of respect for you. A _tricycle_??" Smiling cunningly, I waved a finger, one ear flattened, the other alert.

"Not just _any_ tricycle. The _Mewcycle_." Cleo stood with her shoulders slipping, lips parted, jaw slack. Sweeping my arms upwards into a twisting and glittering magic-summoning pose, I dramatically motioned to the Mewcycle. "MEWCYCLE! WITH THE POWER OF THE YAOI, I SUMMON YOU TO COME FORTH AND DEFEAT THIS FOE THAT STAND-ETH IN THE PATH OF ALL THAT IS GAY AND RIGHTEOUS!" Fanning my fingers, arching my back, and gracefully lifting one leg off of the ground, I shut my eyes and threw my head back, lips parted in a look of near-orgasm. Cold silence surrounded me with the exception of a few crickets coughing in the background. I slowly opened my eyes. The Mewcycle sat perfectly still. Blinking, I swallowed and shot Cleo a borderline-timid glance. "Uh..it just needs to warm up, that's all." The catgirl swayed her hips to one side, let her weight fall into one leg, and crossed her arms with an unconvinced frown. Tightening my brows, I pressed my palms outwards in Dragon Ball Z fashion, and raised my voice. "MEWCYCLE! I, DASHY MEW MEW, DEFENDER OF THAT WHICH IS THE YAOI, COMMAND YOU TO SMITE THE FOES WHICH OBSTRUCT OUR PATH!" A few of the tricycle's glittery streamers swished in the cool night breeze. I stared. Tabby straightened her back, casually thwapped Spunky out of the air, and maliciously grinned at me before laughing from deep in her diaphragm.

"HAH! _This_ is the almighty power of yaoi?!" Haughtily giggling behind one hand, she slunk over to Cleo, keeping her blackish green eyes locked on me. "This is no challenge, Cleo. Let's just go duel the hetros." Cleo gave a twitching narrow of her eyes, parting her lips as if to say something. The world was suddenly dunked into a sparkling, spiraling abyss of black. When I could see again, Tabby was spread on the ground below me, large spinning "x"'s replacing her usual mascara laden eyes. I slowly turned my head to blink at a rather surprised appearing Cleo. The purple gelatin blob of tentacles behind her whimpered like a dog and tried to fall in upon itself, as if it could become invisible and thus be spared from my all-powerful Yaoi-ness. Pfft. Yeah right, biotch. I blinked again, gradually tilting my gaze downwards before coming to the realization that I was hovering a few feet off of the ground, once again atop the Mewcycle. Frowning, I placed my hands on my hips and flicked an ear.

"Oh, yeah, so _now_ you decide to help." The hovering tricycle threateningly dove downwards before rising again, causing me to loose my balance and flail my arms unsteadily. "Okay, okay! Yeesh." Cleo blinked at me, hands tense at her sides. I returned the blink, flattened my ears, and smiled grimly. "Ready to end this?" Cleo tightened her expression and crossed her arms.

"Dash, just stop this; take off that ridiculous costume and come back to the palace." I blinked quickly, lowering my ears.

"'Ridiculous'? _My_ costume?" Scoffing, I arched my back and crossed my own arms. "Well 'scuse me, but have you looked at -yourself- in the mirror lately?" The catgirl gave the faintest of smiles and raised her dark bronze eyebrows.

"What do you say, master? Your big, nice warm bed, all smooth with clean sheets. Your pillows expertly fluffed, your refrigerator stocked with fresh all natural dairy creamer." She slunk closer to where the Mewcycle and I hovered just above the blackened pavement, her eyes soft, voice welcoming. "It's all there for you, Dash, just for you. And all you have to do is come back." Twitching a brow upwards, I scoffed lightly and dropped my weight into one side of the Mewcycle, causing it to dip down and circle Cleo in one effortless, gravity-defying sweep.

"Forget it, Cleo. All of the material possessions in the world couldn't lure me back to that cold asylum. I'd more than happily take up residence in a leaky cardboard box, just so long as I could be with Diego." The catgirl's lip twitched upwards, her ears jerkily pinning backwards. She stomped towards me with a sneer, fists clenched tight.

"Him.." Growling, she hurled a shoulder backwards, fierily pointing at me with one long nailed finger. "Attack him!" The tentacle monster made a low noise mixed between a grumble and a whimper and hesitantly turned its one slick, bulbous eye to me. The Mewcycle rose and plummeted in boasting fashion, its glittering streamers rising up to tauntingly waggle at the cowering gelatinous mass. The monster whimpered and sluggishly slunk backwards, thick tentacles writhing up to cover its eye and head in fear. I smiled smugly and wiggled my eyebrows at Cleo, who merely gritted her teeth and narrowed her brows.

"Just give up, Cleo. As much as it may surprise you, I really don't want to have to hurt you. Don't think that I won't or anything, I'm just saying that I'm not like all giddy and looking forward to it or anything." With an enraged growl, the catgirl leapt forwards and swiped at me. The Mewcycle playfully dodged her attack, streamers hushing and rustling together. Cleo snarled and pounced at me again, only to have the Mewcycle buoyantly bob upwards and out of her reach. I stared down at the catgirl with a triumphant grin. My smile slowly faded as I noticed the furious tears slicking the angry gold of her eyes. Her shoulders heavily rose and fell, the skin over her knuckles stretched a pale yellow. I sighed, the Mewcycle falling in synchronization with the exhaling of my breath. "Let me go, Cleo. You're just wasting your time." She caught her breath, back bowing as she stared up at me with large, welling eyes. I smiled almost peacefully, stretching one gloved hand forward in a calming, and departing, gesture. "Let me go, Cleo. Just let me go.." Her dark lips parted, trembling as if she were about to protest, but the night breeze was hurling me across the city before any murmur of her voice could reach my ears.


I winced, one hand to the side of my head. The wood of the floor outside of Diego's room was warm under my touch compared to the chilliness of the outdoors. I groggily blinked to Spunky. "Why does it feel cold -now-? Shouldn't it have felt cold when I was actually outside, in a tank top and shorts?" The small dog smiled at me wistfully.

"The power of The Yaoi, chief. The power of The Yaoi." I blinked again and shrugged tiredly. Yawning, the smelly dust mop began trotting off down the hallway, toenails clicking over the floor. "Well, goodnight, chief. I've worked like a dog all day. I think I deserve a good catnap." I blinked lazily and gave a dull 'night'. Groaning, I began to rise to my feet, tugging my flannel bathrobe tighter around my figure. Just as I was about to slink back into Diego's room, the sound of rustling and a light chuckle crept to my ears from the foyer. I blinked and stood still for a few moments, trying to decide if the noise was worth investigating. Finally, as is typically the case, curiosity killed the cat. I stealthily tiptoed through the hall, easing all of my weight into the balls of my feet, trying to remain as silent as possible. The entire house was dark, as was to be expected. The slightest flash of white from deep in the foyer caused my ears to perk and heart to speed up. I swallowed tensely and crept closer still. The hunched figure's white outline suddenly span and froze, wide neon blue eyes glaring me down like a pair of high-beam headlights. I gasped, stumbled to the wall, and clumsily slapped my hand around. The cool metal switch finally clicked against my palm, soft melon lights flooding the apartment's entrance and front room. Sangre hissed at me, squinting his eyes and hunching his back. I swallowed down the hiss that had been rising in my own throat and coaxed up a few, nervously quite words.

"What, what are you doing?" The tigerman blinked at me softly, raising his dark rounded ears.

"Dash? Dash? Oh, why I just.." My eyes slid down from the tall man's face to his long, thin stretch of arm, slender, skeletal fingers firmly gripping into the flesh of a limp body's neck. I blinked rapidly, resisting the urge to rub my eyes or shake my head in a violent double take. Pointing at the fallen body, I sputtered.

"Who the hell is that?!" Sangre gave me a calm blink, black lips pouted in confusion.

"Who is who?" I blinked again, shook my head, and furiously waved my finger at the body crumpled beside Sangre's legs.

"Who is _that_! The person lying on your feet!!" The bassist blinked, casually dipping his gaze downwards, and then giving a buttery chuckle.

"Oh, oh -that-." He raised his gaze and met my bewildered expression with a soothing smile. "Why, this is merely a poor lost drunkard whom I found on the street, just as I was coming back from my stroll."

"Stroll? Stroll? San, it's frickin' two in the morning." He blinked at me softly.

"Yes. Yes. I have a, ah, condition that requires that I take strolls at certain daily intervals." Chuckling delicately, he raised a hand, placing a finger to his lips. "I suppose it really doesn't seem at all odd to me anymore, I have gotten so used to it." He smiled at me sweetly. "But, yes, I suppose that it would seem a bit odd to a person such as yourself." I blinked lightly, quickly returning my focus to the body sprawled on the floor.

"But, so, why'd you bring him back here?"

"Why, because he needed directions to his apartment complex. I was merely assisting him." Sighing, Sangre shrugged his shoulders upwards and softly tossed his downy white and black striped hair out of his eyes. "But, then he went and fainted, the poor darling." Gracing me with another one of his sweet-as-sugar smiles, the tigerman bobbed his head. "So now I shall go carry him to his apartment." Sangre bent down, slid the man into his arms like he was weightless, and gently pushed the front door open with the toe of his boot. Tsking, he turned to sadly shake his head at me. "I really do wish people would have more care. Ah well. I apologize for having disturbed your slumber, Dash. Do hurry on back to bed and sleep well. And go on and forget all about this little incident, it's really of no importance anyway." Sangre smiled at me with long, dripping fangs, and slipped out the door. I stood blankly still for a few more moments before shuffling forwards. Yawning, I leaned out into the night. There was no sign of the tall tigerman anywhere. Blinking sleepily, I shrugged, shut the door, locked it, and began to head back to bed. A wet warm slipped slick under the bare sole of my foot. I blinked downwards into the faint trail of red trickling from the end of the foyer to under my foot and out the door. I hadn't remembered cutting my foot on anything. Blinking again, I yawned painfully, shrugged, rubbed my foot over the worn doormat, and shuffled back to bed without a second thought. There are some nights when you should just turn off all bodily thinking mechanisms and wander off to bed. Uh huh. I call it the "Fuck It; I'm Going To Sleep" approach to life. Always put off today what you could do tomorrow. ..Well, not -always-, but, uh, ah, screw it; I'm spent.

A/N: By the way, Webpost has apparently deleted my account on there, so all artwork will now be up on my DeviantArt account. I'll post a link in my user info, but for now my screen name on there is DarkoDemon.