Beautiful Lover

I remember your moans
The way you arched your back
Your body pressing against me
Your frail form straining
Pinned against my broad shoulders
As our passion faded.
You reached up
Sweat on your face
A smile in your eyes
And cupped my face
You kissed me, lingering
You were such a beautiful lover.

I held you in my arms
Once we were both spent
You curled into me
Like you might fit
And fell softly into sleep.
Knowing I'd keep you safe.
I always wanted to keep you safe.

I awoke to your kisses
To your lips in the nape
Of my neck
I awoke to your passion
And in your eyes
The emotion still scares me
I wanted to be your passion.
And I was.

So I wonder now, as she kisses me
As someone else's fingers run over me
As I my own hands run marathons
Over her soft pale body
As we make you love.
How can I do this
With someone who's not you?

She belongs to me
And I belong to her
We are bound to each other
By what we think is love-
And it just might be-
She reaches for me
I am here for her to find.
I know she loves me.
I know we're meant to be.
And yet I long to be with you,
Like I was before.

At night you lay with her
And you rest in her arms
They hold you close now
You wonder if it was really
My arms around you last time.
You wonder if you really
Let yourself be mine.
You did.

You had come into my bed.
In what seems like a life ago.
I was awoken by your kisses.
Slept with you in my arms.
I was awoken again by your hands.
But when I awoke again.
You were gone.
I blinked and you were still gone.
As though you had not been at all.
But you had been.

I kissed you the next day.
Pressed you hard against the door.
Short, hard kisses.
Long, soft kisses.
Forbidden.

I set you aside and went through
A door I had kissed you against
Returned to my true lover…
We made love on the floor.
I remember how smooth
Your body had felt.
I was making love to you
When I was touching her.
This was wrong.

The night before
I kissed your hands
Kissed your face, your mouth
Kissed up and down your back
Kissed your stomach, your shoulder
Laid my gentle kisses all over
This was making love.
When we weren't supposed to be in love.
And you were beautiful, it was beautiful-
Though it wasn't meant to be like that.