So you're gone, it's really true,
I just can't let go of you.
What about the rest of my life?
Does it really get better with time?
I was looking forward for days to come,
Now my entire heart is numb.
How can a parent leave a child?
Know that his daughter is lying to smile?
I cried so much I never thought it would stop,
My mother, my brother, the therapy helped not.
The only way I knew how to survive,
Had just disappeared, vanished, died.
For a while I believed it wasn't true,
I told myself, "Daddy could never leave you."
But the days passed, my life was a dream,
A needle had torn the most colorful seam.
Everyone apologized, I wondered why,
This was all just a colorful lie.
This couldn't be true, he couldn't be dead,
There were so many things we hadn't done yet.
He hadn't been at my 9th birthday,
He hadn't seen me "move up" from 5th grade.
He hadn't seen me on the honor roll,
He hadn't yet grown grey and old.
He hadn't seen me leave for dates,
He hadn't seen me graduate.
He hadn't walked me down the aisle,
He hadn't met his first grandchild.
Now to be told this would never be,
My life turned from joy to agony.
I'd never known the death of a soul,
And being my father he left a huge hole.
He left me to suffer, he left me to cry,
How could he ever let himself die?
"We loved him so much," I thought to myself,
But maybe this just wasn't enough.
I thought of suicide as a way out,
But my decision was forever clouded with doubt.
Then one night he came in a dream,
He said there was a reason for everything.
He said there was a reason that he had died,
And he said there was a reason I was alive.
The reasons may be unknown, he told,
But at least I now was at peace with my soul.