who could have thought
i'd cry so much
just because for nine months
i saw it catching up
i was never good enough
why did i fall in love
knowing deep down it wouldn't work out?
every pair of eyes around
seem to analyze my face
they seem to stare and see my fears,
and the pain of my nightmares
when they change to reality;
but what's for sure
how do i know this isn't a dream
i can't feel this bad while i'm sleeping
i wake up before i believe it
all of a sudden
for the first time ever
i realize that life is the nightmare
what are dreams?
random scenes we generate in our sleep?
premonitions of what is to be
or nothing other than standing beside yourself,
so you can kick yourself
like you do to everyone else
whatever the reason
i'd still rather be dreaming
than laying awake every day
having to face an inevidable reality

i can't remember peacefully sleeping
it's like having my dad with me
i don't remember the feeling,
being comfortable with just existing
i can't remember ever caring less
of whether shit gets fixed
or left for the next pathetic wreck to take care of
there's no letter of resignation,
you can make it or
take the label of failure
lately that name seems
to be the only thing staying with me
lost my family,
and my future plans for one,
leaving my friends
as i've been left for no apparent reason
i did my best
i put in the extra effort
i tried to be better
but i never expected her
to end it so shortly after
i gave up school
so i could be happier
that was never good enough
just to talk about our problems
but now you won't let me walk to your house
to hear what you're thinking, and leave me properly

everytime you met new friends
you ditched me once or twice for them
i said i understand
and every new man you befriend
you question our relationship
now i wonder what i am
if every friend you have has a chance.
i thought i was special,
i didn't want you leaving him for me,
especially since i planned on moving
but now your friends,
every single one of them,
is succeeding in making you see
i'm not worth seeing.
your fucking mom wants me gone,
i've been nothing but nice
and treated you right since day one
how can you tell me you loved me
i never saw anyone but you in my future
but every new person you meet
is on your mind, like i used to be
i ask again and question
what the hell was i when we met?
why did that change
and why did you wait
until you had someone else to date?
why did you fight when i wanted a break
so i could handle school and graduate?
three weeks was too much,
but one fucking day later
three weeks just isn't enough,
you wanna let someone else touch you
and kiss you like i do
to me that just sounds trashy
i'm so fucking special now!
you want to go out,
and just see me once in a while
fuck that, i'd rather be alone
than live just praying you won't drift any farther away
how could you sacrifice
my mind and my time
to keep you occupied
until you find a new guy?
your cruel games are breaking my sanity
how can you think
it's okay what you're doing?
you see someone new
in flawless light
and slowly get closer
hoping he's better than your current lover,
grass is always greener
in the other field
don't pretend like you're avoiding regret
you said you loved me,
what's to regret?
you were worried about me leaving,
i'd never try to find someone else while still with you
what ever happenned to being honest?

i grew up in a home
where you have to conform
i grew up alone because my life was my own
i had no one but then i met you
fell in love and planned my life around you
left a good job,
dropped plans of moving to edmonton,
caged my aggressive temper
and was there whenever i could
i wanted what was in your best interests
i sacrificed myself,
neglected everyone else
gave more of myself than i had to give out
how the hell did this prick come out?
what have i done that's so bad
that made you change
the way you see me,
you used to wake up to see me
now you don't even think to call

what's left for me now
i'm emotionally distressed.
socially in debt
and hoping for hope
accept being broke
but can't cope with my heart broken
i can deal with being alone
but being left on my own
is more than i can handle right now
what will i dream about from now on?
the worst has come up
and i'm not at all
worried by anything else
i'm not giving up,
i just realized i can't move up
or become what i want

i guess i deserve this
for planning out how to propose
and become something as grand as a daddy,
why was i thinking of being a parent
when i can't even feed myself
let alone a wife while i try to raise my child
i needed a slap in the face
for being so naive and daydreaming
living in that world of pretend
i was bound to find out
i'm not strong enough, or smart enough
to work hard enough to be where i want in life