Chapter 1/2 of the Insane Ego Posse

Berlin: Host body- sort of sane but not always. Tall (5'10"), blond hair, blue eyes, taken.

Lasair: Anger management escapee- plots revenge on just about everyone. Tall (6'2"), blond hair, blue eyes, bisexual, single. Lives in Berlin's head.

Xavier: Relationship counselor for anyone- does not get along with Tirialth at all *cough cough*. Tall (6'2"), dark brown hair, green eyes, bisexual, single, looking for a girl. (If known of please call.) Lives in Berlin's head.

Fred: Irish and clinically insane- talks fast and rarely makes sense- says he has green hair. Short (5'5"), green hair (naturally red), green eyes, straight but not looking for love. Lives in Berlin's head.

Megan: Host body- sort of sane but not always. A height (5'6"), dark brown hair, hazel eyes, single, looking for love, is sad, loves a guy.

Tirialth: Wants to kill Xavier *cough cough*- another anger management escapee- has arrows and is an elf. Tall (6'), long LONG blond hair, blue eyes, falls for random hot guys, is believed to like either Xavier or Lasair, but no one is very sure on that. (Press conference is scheduled.) Lives in Megan's head.

OP (Oralixa Pandora): Doesn't get along with Megan or Tirialth- is the sane one. Tall-ish (5'8"), long black hair, really really really light blue eyes, fair skin, taken, has the hots for Bob. Hates Berlin's alter-egos. Lives in Megan's head.

Bob: Very VERY random and never makes any sense- no one knows why OP likes him. Short (5'4"), light brown hair, brown eyes, is taken we think, no one knows why. (Again, a press conference IS scheduled.) Lives in Megan's head.

Introduction to Berlin's Head

Berlin: He's talking to his video game...

Lasair: Who is?

Xavier: Derrik... what other guy does she talk to?

Berlin: Shut up! Now he's deciding to kinda talk to me... though he goes back to his game every other minute. *rolls eyes at Derrik* And I like him...

Fred: That's sad... but... *backs away from Berlin* nothing.

Introduction to Megan's Head

Tirialth: So, what are we doing tonight?

OP: Um... *shrugs* I dunno.

Megan: I vote we eat something!

Tirialth: You just ate something. You eat too much. You're going to get fat.

Megan: *proudly* I have fast metabolism. I don't get fat very easily.

OP: Okay, that's all great and wonderful, but it still doesn't answer the question of what we're doing.

*knock at the door*

Bob: Megan! There's a chicken at the door!

Chapter One: Later On

Fred: Hey! The gang's all here! *sings* OP and Bob sitting in a tree- F-U-C-K-


Megan and Tirialth: *laughing so hard they can't breathe*

Bob: What about chickens?

OP: *shakes head* You're an idiot.

Megan: *gets an evil smirk* But you love him anyways, right, OP?


Tirialth: But it's fun!

OP: *sulks* For YOU, maybe.

Xavier: Hey, Elf! Where the hell is your boyfr- WAIT! You don't have one! Random hot guys don't count.

Fred: *bursts into laughter*

Tirialth: Hey! It's not MY fault I live in Megan's head and OP took the only guy here!

OP: MUST we talk about this constantly?

Fred: *stifles laughter* Yes, we must. How can you love a guy that never makes any sense?

Lasair: Exactly! Do you just have some strong sexual fetish for a guy that talks about chickens and mooses? Does it, like, turn you on?

Xavier: How the hell do ya fuck in there?!?

Berlin: Woah, Xavier. Let's not talk about that.

Fred: Wait! I want to know the answer! How do ye' fuck in her head?!?

OP: That's none of your business!

Megan: Whoa, whoa, whoa. OP, you're making it sound like you HAVE fucked up there.

Tirialth: *grins evilly* How do you know they haven't?

Megan: If they had, I would have cleansed my brain with iodine by now.

Tirialth: Good point.

OP: *sarcastically* Are we all having fun talking about my sex life?

Megan: *nods* Uh-huh!

OP: Why do I even bother asking?

Xavier: You didn't! I did! Now I want to know... how-do-you-have-sex-in-Megan's-head?

Lasair: Now even I agree with Xavier. How do you? Is it the chicken thing that turns you on?

Fred: You two actually agreed on something? That's a first. Now, if I may....

Berlin: What now?

Fred: *starts singing again* OP and Bob sitting in a tree! F-U-C-K-I-N-G! First comes-

Xavier: Well actually, they're not fucking in a tree, but in Megan's head. How the hell do you fuck in a tree anyways? Wouldn't the branches, like, stab you?

Fred: Am I ever going to get to finish my song??

All Together: NO!!

OP: Okay, my sex life is NOT open for discussion, but just for the record, I DON'T know how we fuck up here, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. That information is NOT open to the public.

Tirialth: I have to admit, even I'M getting curious....

Megan: Okay, are me and Bob, like, the only people who DON'T want to know the answer to this question?

Tirialth: Actually, Bob probably wants to know... I can't see why he wouldn't....

Bob: *looks around confused* Huh? Monkeys? School? What?

OP: *pats him on the head* Never mind.

Fred: I'm curious... where did the monkeys come from?

Lasair: *noticing monkeys* Woah! That's weird.

Berlin: Does anyone else realize that Tirialth and Xavier just agreed on something?

Xavier: No we didn- wait... we did!

Tirialth: HOLY SHIT! *to Xavier* Since when do we agree on things? I don't like it.

Bob: The monkeys come from the mythical tower of goat cheese in the sea of green kool-aid!

Megan: I like kool-aid!

OP: Oh God....

Xavier: *to Tirialth* You think I like it?

Fred: Don't say they're secret lovers too!

Xavier: Hell no would I like the elf!

Berlin: Let's hope so... I don't need anyone else in my head.

Lasair: This could get VERY interesting....

Fred: *laughs*

Megan: Here we go again....

Tirialth: Oh my God. Me and HIM? where the fuck would you get some fucked-up idea like that?

OP: I think we could have some fun with this....

Megan: Oh yeah.

Tirialth: Don't you even dare. *brandishes an arrow threateningly*

OP: *snickers evilly* You did it to me. So, Tirialth....

Tirialth: Shut up. Just shut up. This isn't even funny, it's just sick. You people are just screwed up. Me and him... that's fucked up.

Megan: River in Egypt, Tirialth....

Xavier: Why in the hell would I like the elf?!? She's... just... no.

Fred: Oh, come on! She's not that *stares at Tirialth* wait... never mind.

Lasair: She's sorta *looks at Tirialth* kinda, in a weird way, cute. I think.

Xavier: The fucking elf is not cute! Why, and how, do you think that? She's short and... SHORT!

Fred: Woah woah, calm down! We'll shut up about Tirialth.

Berlin: River in Egypt?!? Huh?

Fred: Denial, Berlin. Denial.

Tirialth: Hey! I am NOT short, thank you very much.

Megan: Took you long enough, Berlin.

OP: *grabs some popcorn* This whole thing could turn out to be very interesting. *sits back* I think I'll watch.

Tirialth: This ISN'T going to be interesting, because it's going to end NOW. *looks around uncertainly* Right?

Megan: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure....

Xavier: It's over! End-of-discussion.

Fred: *singing (again)* OP and Bob sitting in a tree! F-U-C-K-I-N-G! First comes love, then come marriage, then comes the baby-

Lasair: How do they plan on getting married anyways?!? And where the hell's the baby coming from?!? Help!!

Tirialth: *grabs the popcorn from OP* I think I'll be needing this....

OP: Why do you guys insist on making ME explain this? Why don't you ever ask Bob?

Megan: Because Bob couldn't explain anything if his life depended on it.

OP: Damn... that's right. But why does everyone automatically assume I know these things?

Megan: Well, how would anyone else know?

Fred: I have yet to figure that out either, and I was talking to the poor girl.

Xavier: I need a girl.... *trails off*

Lasair: Hey Tirialth! Your boyfriend wants you!

Xavier: I'm NOT dating the elf! Trust me!

Fred: Sure, sure. Whatever you say. Now Bob, like I was asking earlier, why do you like OP?

Lasair: Do you think he's really going to answer?

Fred: Well no, but it's worth a try.

Berlin: It is?

Fred: Okay, no! But you're ruining it! Bob! Why do you like OP?

Lasair: *to himself* Though it's worthless....

Fred: Shut up! Answer me Bob! Why do you like OP?

Bob: Umm... umm... turkey pox?

Megan: NO, Bob. Turkey pox is NOT an acceptable answer. It's a feeling.

Bob: Umm... what's a feeling?

Megan: *slaps head* I have a headache. Anyone else want to explain it to him?

Tirialth: *just now realizing what was said earlier* Hey! He's _not_ my boyfriend!

OP: *shakes head* Took you long enough.

Xavier: I said I need a GIRL... not an elf! Ha ha.

Lasair: Hey! If I dated the elf, at least I'd be nice to her.

Berlin: A feeling is... is... IS... how you feel towards something or someone. In this case, Bob and OP.

Xavier: Would that be something or someone?

Lasair: Ha! That's great!

Fred: You guys are just refusing to answer me, aren't you?

Lasair: *has a "thing" for Tirialth* So elf.... What are you doing Friday?

Fred: I rest my case.

Bob: I feel? ...Whoa.

OP: *shakes head and sighs*

Megan: Well, at least he's making progress. Now he's actually contributing to the conversation... I think.

Tirialth: *to Lasair* Um... I dunno.... *to Megan* Hey, Megan, what are we doing Friday?

Megan: You think I know? I don't think that far ahead.

Lasair: Hey, Xavier, can I steal your girl?

Xavier: What do you mean MY girl?!? I don't date elves or other species.

Fred: Now I'm being ignored! That's not fair!

Berlin: Megan... keep Tirialth away from Lasair! His bipolarity and bisexuality might freak her out.

Fred: Especially when he's dreaming of guys like Alex Hopper, Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom, or Johnny Depp.

Lasair: Shut up! Ooh... Alex Hopper....

Xavier: *joins Lasair in Hot Guy Land* I like it here....

Berlin: Oh God... not again.

Fred: Finally someone listens to me.

Megan: *to Berlin* I think that might be a good idea.

Tirialth: *is also dreaming about Alex Hopper*

OP: Well, at least Xavier and Tirialth have something in common.

Tirialth: *hits her with an arrow and goes back to dreaming*

OP: *rubs head* Ow!

Xavier: *faints*

Lasair: What the- Woah! *vision of skinny-dipping Alex Hopper* *faints*

Berlin: I'm liking this vision.... I also like having gay guys in my head.

Fred: I thought they were bi?

Berlin: Okay, okay. Bi guys in my head.

Fred: Now only if I cared about guys like they did, then maybe I'd be happy....

Berlin: You wish.

Tirialth: They'd better not be gay!

Megan: *slyly* Why do you care?

Tirialth: Shut up. Just shut up.

OP: *laughs*

Tirialth: Shut up!

OP: *backs away* I said nothing!

Tirialth: *mimicking OP from earlier note* You're implying. It's the same thing.

OP: I didn't imply anything. Megan implied things. I just laughed at her implications.

Tirialth: You wanna know what? You should just shut up. Like, NOW.

Berlin: I said that they were bi. They were gay, but not anymore.

Lasair: *twitches*

Fred: Something in his pants is happy.

Berlin: I didn't need to know that.

Xavier: *wakes up* Woah! Lasair!

Lasair: I didn't mean to!

Berlin: Go take care of it! Now!

Lasair: *leaves room, embarrassed*

Fred: Ha ha.

Tirialth: Oh, THAT was lovely.... *shakes head* Guys.

Megan: Things like that should NOT be announced to the general public.

OP: I second that.

Bob: Hehe, numbers... five!

Berlin: *can hear Lasair* Woah! Xavier! Make him shut up!

Xavier: Gladly! *leaves room*

*A Few Minutes Later*

Fred: It got louder!

Berlin: Oh no... I'll spare you all....

*A Few MORE Minutes Later*

Lasair: *walking in* What'd I miss?

Xavier: *zipping up pants* Yeah... what'd I miss?

Berlin: Nothing... nothing at all.

Megan: Oh my God.

Tirialth: I really wish I hadn't heard any of that....

OP: I think all of us wish that.

End of Chapter 1