Bob the Boring

Mindlessly, I stared at the TV. It was glowing, emitting a ray of hope. It gave out a pure essence that I craved, but yet today I was disappointed...to say the least.

The channel I turned to was Nickelodeon. Specifically it was Nick Jr. Wow, the fond memories of my childhood came rushing back. I remember the cool shows like Eureka's Castle and I remember the "Face" who always made a trumpet sound with his lips after making an announcement to the viewers. Oh how it's changed. "Face" is still there, but it isn't the same.

The show that happened to be on when I turned on to Nick Jr. was Bob the Builder. What the fuck kind of name is that? They tried to fool you with the nice alliteration in the title, but I wasn't buying it. In reality, it was the most boring show I have ever seen.

I was in a state of serious shock as I watched this round clay-made man (maybe it was crappy computer animation, I don't know). He had a hard yellow hat, which actually was the most interesting thing about him.

Bob's eyes were barely there. It annoyed me. It made him appear to have no personality. And then I started watching the show and realized he really had no personality. That damn bastard Bob actually TALKED to his automobiles. He had a lively conversation with his tractor about placing tiles. Placing tiles.

The sad thing is I think Bob has a wife on the show. Shouldn't he be screwing her instead of talking to machines on his flipping farm or wherever the hell he lives? I know I would, even if his wife was as dull as him. It would just have to be more fun than building crap with inanimate objects.

What really sickened me though was how Bob's machines were so nice. They actually decided to do Bob a favor by finishing up some shit he was building to make him happy.

Now when I think of machines, especially cars and such, I doubt if they could talk they would be nice. Man-made machines are always trying to fuck me over. Do you really think they'd be willing to do me favors?

Maybe it isn't fair to pass judgment on Nick Jr., just from watching Bob the Boring for 2 minutes. Somewhere out there in the world, I know many kids watch the show and find blissful entertainment from it. I guess I just don't have the simple mind that everyone tells me I have for it to entertain me.

Frankly, this scared me. I felt old. So as quick as I could, I went outside, ran through the sprinklers and chased the ice cream man a few blocks down. It made me feel young and careless.

That was just what I needed to get in touch with my youth.

I may not understand kid's shows anymore, but I can appreciate how young I can still be.

Thank you, Nick Jr.