Authors note= see this isn't exactly a good charlotte fanfic because its mostly about a character named "Billy martin" who resembles the guitarist of goodcharlotte named "William George martin" and Quinn Allman who uncannily resembles the guitarist of "the used" and its also fictional! And I don't exactly own anyone besides the females in this story, so er yeah hahaha and im not a fan of goodcharlotte though I think billy and quinn are adorable mwahahahahahaha and its slash! Ya.. uh… read?

I leaned against the bowl with my eyes bloodshot and aching, I could still taste the lasagne I threw up moments ago; it had a sour bitterness to it.

I lifted my head yet at that moment my stomach caved in again, but there was nothing left to puke. Second time today and I was hoping for some resistance.

I got up and looked wearily at my clothes, they were filthy... exactly how I felt right then.

Whimpering I stepped into the bathtub and collapsed, I heard a loud thud realising my arm just hit the porcelain tub, yet feeling so numb I couldn't feel a thing.

Its cold, and its dark

Life seems so lost

I succumb to nothing

Not that there ever has been anything



I shrugged off the useless insults coming from all directions as I walked down the school hallway, biting my lip I gripped on to the frayed edges of my sweater. My palms are warm and with my head bowed down I can see little bits of black nail polish giving away on my fingernails. My fingers are freakishly bony, along with my hands; then again I'm all just skin and bones.

My hairs kind of long, it's blonde and wrapped in dreadlocks; spares the hassle of combing it everyday.

People like to put others in sub genres; I happen to be exceptional as in I fit into at least 20. I could sing a song about it; make passing by moms smack me with their purses. I laugh at the thought; you're actually just a dork Billy

"What is that freak doing?" I hear a husky voice call from besides me

I look to see Julia the head sluts glare at me as she frowns "Quit talking to your self you loser!" She yells still sounding as if something was clawing at her throat.

A little embarrassed I blush and quickly sigh in relief as I approach my class.

Quickening my pace I walked into my favourite subject 'Media Arts', I was lucky they let me transfer to a grade 11 courses even if I was in grade 10.

My teacher was a recently graduated art student, He had black hair and he always wore a toque to cover it but some curls always managed to peak from below. He wore thick rimmed glasses yet had this bright inviting smile; a lot of the girls mainly took the class because of him alone.

"Hey Billy." He gave me a smile leaning against his desk reading some papers.

I nodded back and took my place on the computers in the far end.

I logged in on my username and took out my CD player, it was old and I painted it silver with a marker while getting bored out of my mind one math class. Afterwards I doodled Tim Burton type stick people, I thought it was awesome.

I put on my headphones and looked over at the teacher telling the class their latest assignment.

"Alright, So our next topic is going to deal with photography… I'm going for say, Shock factor!" He said enthusiastically waving his hands

"Take pictures of something captivating, yet in its own way delivering a shock factor that affect one emotionally." He looked at the whole class making sure everyone was listing.

"Alright then, you have to pair up, and to make it more interesting each partner assigns the other the task of what the feel is suitable to the theme."

I took off my headphones listening to what he had to say as some people started pairing up.

"And I will happen to assign the partners as well." He grinned as some people groaned out loud.

He called out names pointing randomly at different people,

Jen and Darcy, Kyle and James, Billy and Quinn…

Quinn, who the hell is that? I thought staring at my screen not bothering to check.

A light tap on my back caused me to nearly fall of my chair, I turned around to see a guy a little older than me with bleached blonde hair, his eyes were brown with a hint of golden and he was wearing a green old navy print shirt and brown dickies, I didn't know he even existed until right about now when he stood in front of me grinning

There was an awkward pause until he shoved his hand in front of my face

"Quinn." He gave me a genuine smile sitting next to me

I didn't bother returning the gesture but just mumbled my name

"Sorry I didn't get that." He said apologetically. I looked at him again and spoke a little clearer "Um, my name is Billy… Billy Martin."

He nodded and leaned back on his chair

"So… I don't think, I've seen you in any of my other classes, did you fail or something?" he asked casually

"Um I'm a junior." I said, he looked impressed "Ooh so that means your smart and that would mean you know what the heck we have to do." He yawned scratching his stomach, I could see a bit of his boxers sticking from above his belt when his shirt rose.

"We have to take pictures… and uh of something shocking or something but we have to like tell each other and yeah and um and…" I stumbled not really having a clue what I was saying

Just then the teacher came up to us with our cameras

"Alright Billy I'm sure you know how to use these things, and you can show Quinn the basics… I'm interested to see what you guys can come up with." He smiled giving me a pat on my shoulder.

I shuddered; I'm not too big on having people touch me, especially not teachers, I felt another hand on my shoulder and I looked to my side to see Quinn trying to figure out how use the camera's resting leaning on me

"Smile!" he grinned looking at me, I stared back blankly then a smile curled my lips

"Why the hell isn't anything coming up!" he whined hitting the camera on random places

I leaned in and took off the lens cap on his camera, he smelled like adidas cologne, a sweet murky smell.

"Oh." He smirked "Now smile!" he quickly pressed the button without bothering to adjust the lens

I paused as the unexpected flash beamed across my face; I could see it trapped in my eye

The teacher skidded towards us "Quinn! You found something outrageous and shocking already?" he questioned

"I'm not too sure about outrageous but he looked pretty shocked, you should have the look on your face." He giggled as I blushed

God I'm so going to have red eyes in that shot.

"Yes well Mr Allman, try not to waste film, it costs as unfair as that sounds." The teacher stated coldly walking towards some other kids flashing their cameras around

"Alright so uh what do you have in mind?" Quinn asked putting the camera down next to the computer.

I looked at him blankly; he was biting his lip looking extremely bored.

"Fine, fine, tell me something about yourself." He asked looking at his fingernails

I noticed some silver nail polish spread neatly across then.

What could I tell him?

"I'm not sure what there is to say…" I replied meekly

"Well, do you have a girlfriend? A boyfriend? Anything." He asked casually

I was taken back by that… what did he think I was gay

"I'm not gay." I stuttered abruptly

"Oh right so no girlfriend either?"

I shook my head

"Hmm, your not that bad looking, I could hook you up with some friends." He smiled

I looked at him surprised; I didn't need a bloody escort service

"No, don't worry about it." I snapped

"Come on, it's gonna be fun."

"I'm fine." I repeated myself

"Well, if you change your mind you know where to get me." He took out a sharpie and took my arm pulling my sleeve up

"Jeez you have skinny arms, you're a fuckin skeleton dude, and do you even eat?"

He muttered writing his number

And all this time I'm looking at him like an idiot, surprised at his actions…

"Do you eat?" he repeated glancing at me now and then

"Oh… um yeah, Its just a gene thing I guess." I lied

"Right well here we go." He let go of my arm and closed his marker "Yeah also call me for that project shit and all if I'm not busy with my girlfriend." He pointed

"Girlfriend?" I asked, and then shut my mouth realising it might be rude to ask

"Yeah, Trish, She painted my nails see." Quinn beamed showing me his silver nails.

I nodded looking at my own nails, I managed to steal some nail polish from my sister, she didn't care… she doesn't like black.

"Biting your nails is a bad habit." He said grabbing my hands and looking at my nails.

What was up with all the physical contact all of a sudden? I was just surprised I didn't shut myself away from him, there was something… I just didn't know what

"Whatever…" I shrugged then picked the camera stroking the lens

"So we have half an hour of class you want anything done now?" He interrupted

"I don't know, what do you have in mind for the project?" I asked

"Oh, well I don't know either you know, a lot of stuff I guess that would be good for this is just kind of… personal? Aw I'm sorry." He stuttered looking at me guilty "Don't worry I understand." I sympathised nodding my head.

There was another awkward moment of silence, putting down the camera I lay back on my seat and picked up my C.D player fidgeting with the headphone wires.

"What you listenin to?" I saw Quinn looking at me with interest

"Um… Grade, there a Canadian band." I traced the shape of my CD player with my finger

"You listen to screamo?" His voice raised

I looked at him as he stared in awe with an enormous grin across his face

"You know screamo?" I asked surprised and pretty glad

"Yeah, hell I didn't know anyone in this little town knew what emo was alone!" he said excited

"Hah, I'm not a big fan of emo though, rather stick with my screamo and punk." I smiled realising we had something in common

"'The embarrassing beginning', one of the best C.D's around he said opening my player."

I nodded

"I'm in a screamo band myself." He said proudly "We're not official, just a bunch of idiots, started recently." He went on

Just then the bell rang

Shit great timing I thought to myself.

"Well see ya Lil Billy." He winked standing up and grabbing his bag then skipping out, yeah-holy crap he was actually skipping.

I packed my camera and smiled; For once I was actually looking forward to the next few classes.

Walking out of the classroom I ignored all the comments made to me, Just humming randomness to myself I walked into the cafeteria for lunch.

"Billy!" I heard a voice from ahead

I saw my best friend Benji sitting with his arms wrapped around his girlfriend

"Is that a smile on your face?" He asked staring in disbelief

"Its rude to stare… I need a fucking smoke." I complained tapping my feet

One of Benji's friends Jeph walked up and sat next to us

"Smoke?" I asked looking at his direction; I was craving for one badly… I forgot to get someone to buy me a new pack

"Yeah come on outside." Jeph walked over to the exit and around the corner of the school as I followed.

We reached a little niche were most of the people usually got stoned, hustled or smoked, I didn't really go there often; I chose the solitude of the parking lot but hey free ciggy's at the moment so whatever.

He took one out and rested it on his lips, then taking another one out with his lighter along he handed it to me and lighted his.

Without any haste I grabbed it and put it on my chapped lips, then I waited for him to finish lighting his, just then another lighter came up to my face, I lit up the cigarette and inhaled deeply, I looked to my side to thank the person for the lighter when I came eye to eye with another pair of blue eyes.

"Um... thanks." I mumbled looking at the lighter.

Those were some strange eyes, didn't look right.

"No problem, who are you anyways?" The stranger asked

I looked at her; yeah it was a she, I could tell by the tight baby T Deftones shirt on her tanned skin and knee high black laced skirt and huge combat boots, her hair was white and black, partial dreads and twists, she also had a lip piercing.

"I'm a junior here." I said diverting my attention from her and taking another drag of my ciggy

"Yeah, that's prolly why I've never seen you around." She got up on the platform next to me and sat cross-legged.

I shrugged "prolly." Couldn't care less

She looked at me narrowed eyed and started staring

"What!" I asked quietly getting a bit freaked out

"You listen to incubus?" She asked scratching the side of her head

"...Yeah." I still gazed at her uncertainly "How do you know?"

She shrugged "Wild guess." then looked at my hair

"Your really tall." She cooed

"Your extremely bored." I pointed

"True, er shit where the hell is Quinn?!" she wailed

"You know Quinn...?" I asked, jeez I'm such a moron that's probably his girlfriend

"Oh no not at all." She grinned, "He's just some moron that likes to associate with me only for the sex!"

"Right..." I nodded my head; I take that's Trish, what a strange individual, then again whatever strange meant.

"I don't think Quinn's ever mentioned you before." She leaned over and held my dread

I backed away, sheesh her and her boyfriend have some invasion issues

"Chill, I only wanted to see your white boy dreads." She reassured

I let her grab one as she twisted it

"Eew, you whiteys really suck at making dreads, they're all stinky and smelly!"

Trish laughed out loud thwacking my locks against my face

"Ow!" that hurt I said offended

"I'm thinking of cutting them anyways." I stated grimly

"No fun! The whiteness of it all is what makes dreads so awesome." She scowled

"Then what might you suggest?" I asked if she was so all knowing

"Haha chill I just like making people all self conscious." She patted my back

Eeeee I squealed in my head! Make them stop

"Your too skinny." She remarked

I gritted my teeth looking at her and throwing away the cigarette, then I smiled

"That's not your real eye color is it?"

"Smart, you got me there." She confessed "ooh wanna see something cool!" She turned around and started poking her eye; I couldn't see clearly what she was up to

What the hell was she doing? I thought looking utterly confused

"Tada!" she grinned looking at me

"Whoa!" I stumbled a little; one eye was crystal blue and the other an orangish brown.

She started blinking maniacally "You like." She laughed

"Stop its making me dizzy!" I said looking away

Just then Quinn walked up to us I prayed silently thanking the greater power

"I see you two have met, Billy that's my girlfriend Trish." He grinned putting his arm around her

"Um she's... uh cool." I lied; this girl was a total nutcase

"Fuck you, you so pure think I'm a fucking psycho ward!" she beamed poking me

"That too." I agreed

"She's a little loud at times." Quinn whispered

"But you still love me!" she pouted, he laughed and kissed her

I looked away shyly, its so annoying when people make out in public

"So Billy, what are your plans for today?" He asked breaking the kiss and hugging her

"Um... nothing at all," I said looking at my old vans, I love these shoes, their so comfy, I could walk around in them all day.

"You wanna come see my band? We're playing at a Venue downtown."

I looked over at him as he looked at me optimistically

"I'll see." I normally just went to some punk shows with Benji and his brother when I was extremely bored and had nothing to do.

"Awesome, we're playing at the Bovine Sex Club" (Authors note: Yes there's an actual place named that in Toronto, its awesome even though im underage haha but this is all ages in Waldorf yay!)

"Cool..." I looked over at Trish's watch; lunch was only half over.

"I'm going in." Trish complained as she jumped off the platform grabbing Quinn's hand

"Come on Lil Billy!" he called as she dragged him behind her

So seems like I had acquired a new nickname.

I casually walked after them putting on my headphones and blasting up my lovely screamo.

I walked in to see Benji and his girlfriend Virginia still in the same position but this time doing homework.

Quinn and Trish were on the other side of the Cafeteria

Benji waved at me, so did Quinn to join them at their tables

I gulped trying to make the decision because either way I'd be stuck with two guys making out with their girlfriends

I didn't need to bother choosing who, so I just turned around and walked out.

I quickened my pace out of the Caf and left the school walking towards the parking lot. It was October so I could sense winter coming near, I shuddered and covered my hands by pulling my sleeves lower, it surrounded my whole hand except for my thumb which I started biting from habit.

I sat down on some cement blocks aligned at the back of the school then took out my C.D player again; this time I replaced my Grade with my Silverchair C.D. I hugged my knees and rested my head atop closing my eyes, my stomach hurt from not eating during the past couple of days, but I couldn't help it.

I didn't have an appetite and I couldn't consume a lot without throwing up persistently. I opened my eyes since taking a nap was useless thanks to the severe cramp; I lifted my sleeve to expose an extremely bony arm with a number scribbled on. Quinn had nice writing, it all flowed down almost like cuts yet it managed to curve and bend to create a graffiti style image.

Some jocks passed by me in their cars honking like mad, i heard them yell obscenities but I didn't care, instead I turned up the volume on my player

"People making fun of me,

For no reason but jealousy.

I fantasize about my death,

I'll kill myself from holding my breath"

There's way too much angst in this song, but its as if I could relate to every bloody part of it

A girl wearing a white halter top and blue jeans passed me, her blonde hair crashed against her Smokey eyes, she was gorgeous as she looked at me, piercing green eyes she laughed and pointed

I ignore her and buried my head in my shoulders again

Help me, comfort me,

Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.

The rope is here, now I'll find a use.

I'll kill myself; I'll put my head in a noose.

Daniels voice boomed in my head, he put his message across and I clenched my fists until my knuckles started glowing white

I craved a cigarette again

I breathe in deeply as much as my stomach feels as if it's tearing apart

Suddenly my lungs clenched together and I gasped as my heart burned furiously. I let my hands arms fall to the side and my head rolled over then I collapsed

Bliss... I heard people run up to me

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, gasping a little as pure white light rushed towards my face. I clenched my eyes tight again; it hurt too much. Suddenly a sharp jolt of pain rang through my entire system as I opened my eyes. It was all hot and moist around me; my hands were clenched so tightly I couldn't feel them. I sniffed trying to resist the urge to cry from the pain, looking to my side I realised I was on a bed, the sheets wrapped around me almost suffocating me I started hyperventilating.

I couldn't breathe straight my lungs still ached and now my throat was burning, I tasted something sour in my mouth but couldn't do anything

I knew I was going to throw up right about now. It always happened whenever I felt like this, leaning to my side I tried and tried but nothing came out, then I passed out on my bed still having difficulty breathing

I felt a tap on my back; I looked up to see an elderly woman around the age of 50 helping me regain consciousness, she wasn't tapping my back she was fucking slapping it, the pain signals were being delayed so when the ache finally hit, I screamed as tear stung my eyes.

"There there honey." She comforted me pulling me into a hug

I refused and fell back on the bed coughing

then I hugged my knees and fell asleep shaking

where the fuck was I? What was happening to me?

"Where am I?" my eyes fluttered open, I looked above me only to be glared back by an extremely white ceiling.

"Don't worry your at the hospital." A voice reassured me from the side

I rolled my head and my heart stopped for almost a second

There was Quinn with this worried expression sitting next to me

"Why am I here?" I asked as my heart raced, I could hear it beating faster and louder from the monitor next to us

"Take it easy." he put his hand on my shoulder

I stared back at the ceiling trying to reason out what landed me in the hospital

All I could remember was me sitting in the parking lot

Nothing else came to mind

"Somebody found you passed out then called the ambulance, they found the number I wrote on your arm and called me." He spoke leaning against my bed

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." I groaned embarrassed, I felt so extremely annoying at that moment

"Hey Billy don't worry about it." He smiled at me

I smiled back meekly still too exhausted and uncomfortable

At that moment the nurse walked in with a tray of food

"Hey hon, are you doing any better?" she asked putting the tray down

I groaned closing my eyes and pulling the blankets over my face

"Well that's not going to help you this time, you have to eat, the doctor says it's crucial!" she said firmly

"Bah!" I still hid under the blankets, thinking she'd go away but instead it was Quinn who pushed the blankets off of me

"Billy you almost fuckin died dude, take this seriously!" He said with concern in his eyes

I looked at him helplessly than sat upright on the bed

The nurse put the tray in front of me

"Ew, what the hell are you trying to do making me eat this?" I shrieked looking at the food, it was a mix of green and yellow and a little brown.

"Its soup, it's going to be easier to digest considering your condition." She said straightening the sheets on the bed next to mine, now after your done with that we need some information on where to reach your parents

At that point a lump formed in my throat