"The Best You Can Isn't Good Enough"
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Have you ever loved a girl so much, you just wish you could die to stop? To just go, leave, so you could no longer be that thorn in her spine? I think, I live, I love, therefor I am. You have never lived a life worth living unless you have lived it for others, so I guess when my time winds down it will be worth it. But how much longer can you admire, love, live for another before you implode, or break? I feel my days are numbered, and I have lost count.

I arise every morning, day and night, to dream again of her welcoming face. Her loving touch, it is the touch that kills, eliminates, thrills. When you are sick, she heals. When you are dealt, she deals. She can do anything in this world, except love me in return. I give, she takes -- it never changes. I love, she likes -- it will never leave my soul, body, nor my lifeless mind. Sometimes I think I am invisible, and it hurts so badly. I feel like I must divide to unite, diversity within divinity.

Yet, how can someone who holds all of the same general interests, be so completely different from the soulful person you are. The exteriors of course generating many differences, but I feel our minds are the same, one, always united. The American dream, to love another and to marry. To love, live and explore, yet all I am doing is dying. I'm falling away, leaving myself always. My inner most thoughts have vanished, but it is said that you should keep on dreaming boy cause when you stop dreaming, it's time to die. Wow, I just found out my dreams are lost, so that does not apply to me.

I guess I don't get to leave yet, what a bummer. It is believed that drugs are used to expand minds. I don't much prefer to do them, after all -- why would I want to expand my mind anyway? Why would I want to generate more room for all these diminishing thoughts to thrive, to reproduce within my cerebrum? Why would I want to add on to the weight that is dragging my lifeless mind down, to add to the mind of someone with my conditions would be rather idiotic? But if I did expand my mind, I wonder what would go through my head. I would probably think about false love so much, all too often, that I would truly dissolve.

Die, death is always welcomed, but love is not always welcomed. But when we love, we love to death. Until death do you part if I understand correctly. So why don't we welcome both? Maybe love is the lost key to open the door to death, or the other way around. To open the doors of perception, open the flood gates and experience what life really is. It would be nice, it would be grand. I don't know how many of us will experience this, or how many will ever be experienced, but I feel that I have experienced the worse of the worlds. Or maybe love is the welcome, and you just have to believe it and accept your invitation to death. Then once you have truly loved another, you can implode, explode, leave, just...go.

Thank you and goodnight.