Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: The giant shark is back for revenge because this is his first appearance on this show.

Little Miss Know Nothing: Eek! Gaws has escaped! *looking at her watch* I bet this is going to make me late for my hair appointment.

Party Person: Great! Let's party!

Person That Doesn't Know How To Count: There's no time for senseless dancing and other sociable activities while the evil of a giant shark is on the loose.

That Other Guy: Be quiet! Gaws is closing in fast! We're all going to die!

Party Person: Yeah! Let's party down.

Little Miss Know Nothing: Did you not hear Person That Doesn't Know How To Count? Besides, I can't find my earring.

Person That Doesn't Know How To Count: You're going to loose more than your earring if you don't hurry.

Little Miss Know Nothing: You were right!

Person That Doesn't Know How To Count: Well, yeah, why would you think otherwise? Wait. how was I right?

Little Miss Know Nothing: See, my bracelet is gone too! Hey look, some giant fish with really sharp teeth is coming close. uh-oh. Gaws is here! Whoa, watch the hair.

Party Person: Let's party!

(roaring and screaming)

Party Person: Let's party!

(door slams open, punching sounds)

Stupid Man: I'll kill you Hercules!

Hercules: No you won't, Stupid Man.

(punching continues)

Little Miss Know Nothing: Hercules, Stupid Man, please, continue your fighting outside. We're trying to die here!

Hercules & Stupid Man: Sorry.

(door opens & close, punches continues)

Gaws: Now, where were we? Oh yes.

(roaring and screaming)

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: We now turn to Detective Jake for help in solving this case.

Ms. Secretary: Detective Jake, you have a call.

Detective Jake: Good. Now shut up. Hello?

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Detective Jake! Gaws has escaped!

Detective Jake: *holds down his bottom eyelid* Do you see a care in my eye?

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: We're on the phone.

Party Person: Let's PARTY!

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Is that all you ever think about? Just dancing around to some horrible music with a bad-tasting bowl of bean dip and calling it a party? How many people come to your parties anyway?

Party Person: Lot's of people come to my parties. Besides, I think of all kinds of things besides parties. like. social gatherings, and festivities, and celebrations, and bashes, and carnivals, and carnivores.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Oh yeah? Say coconut.

Party Person: Make me.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thing: Do it!

Party Person: No.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Yes.

Party Person: No.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: There's a pie in it for you.

Party Person: Okay. C-c-c-party.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Say ghost.

Party Person: G-g-g-party!

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Say monkey.

Party Person: M-m-m-party!

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Say I'm a stupid idiot.

Party Person: You're a stupid idiot! Let's party!

(choking sounds)

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Now, Detective Jake, Gaws has escaped!

Lollipop: Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy, you have a call.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: What's your name?

Lollipop: Lollipop, sir.

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Mmmmmmmmmm! Lollipop!

Lollipop: Ouch! That's my nose! Ooh! My ear! My hair is not edible! Now what did I just say?!

(Party Person starts eating a pie)

Mr. Big Boss Man Thingy: Where did you get that pie?

Party Person: *mouth full of pie* Windowsill.

(an angry old lady next door is yelling and waving a frying pan out the windowsill)

Detective Jake: Ok, I'm just going to assume you want me to capture Gaws so, bye.

(phone hangs up)

Detective Jake: Helper Guy and Other Helper Guy, which one of you wants to help me?

Helper Guy: Me!

Other Helper Guy: Me!

Helper Guy: Me!

Other Helper Guy: Me!

(they look around and realize Detective Jake is no longer in the room)

Helper Guy & Other Helper Guy: Detective Jake?! Detective Jake?

(toilet flushing)

Detective Jake: Sorry, I had to go.

Helper Guy: Well, which one of us should go with you?

Other Helper Guy: I'm the better pick.

Detective Jake: Why's that?

Other Helper Guy: Ok, first off, I have a better name than Helper Guy.

Helper Guy: That is so not true!

Other Helper Guy: Research shows that I think I have a better name than you, and you can't argue against facts.

Helper Guy: Well. I guess so.

Other Helper Guy: Second, I can do this.

(he stands on his head)

Detective Jake: What's that got to do-

Helper Guy: No, no, he's got a point.

Detective Jake: Well, I'm kind of in a hurry-

Other Helper Guy: And I can do this:

(Other Helper Guy spins around in circles)

Helper Guy: I can do that too!

(Helper Guy spins around in circles, too; when they stop they realize Detective Jake is no longer there; car drives off)

Helper Guy & Other Helper Guy: Detective Jake!!

(they run outside and jump in the car)

Ms. Secretary: Hello. You two wanted to blow up into smithereens too? What a coincident!

(car goes boom)

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Now Detective Jake must find another helper, AFTER he finds some toilet paper.

Detective Jake: Hello. This is Detective Jake. I was hoping that you and Detective Ryan would help me on this case.

Detective John: Sure, we'll be over in a second.

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Two seconds later.

(door bell rings)

Detective Jake: What took so long?

Detective Ryan: We had to make a stop at the moon first.

Detective John: So, what's this about the case?

Detective Jake: Gaws has escaped. We must find him. I'm guessing he's in the ocean.

Detective John: The ocean! We'd have to get the key to unlock the ocean door or we'll never be able to get in.

Detective Ryan: Since when is there a door to the ocean?

Detective Jake: Since now! Now where could we find this key?

Detective John: You must go to the lowest mountain on Earth. And according to this map, that's all the way to your backyard!

Detective Jake: That is a long way. At least ten feet away! We'll never make it! We'll all die! The world will come to an end! When's lunch?

Detective Ryan: Wait, you have a map of all our yards.

Detective John: Yeah.

Detective Ryan: Oh. That's kind of. creepy.

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: So the three detectives, that will now be called Jake, John, and Ryan, are on their long journey to Jake's backyard.

Jake: John, Ryan. Are you ready?

John & Ryan: No.

Jake: Let's go then!

(footsteps)

John: We're here.

Ryan: Watch out for the Backyard Troll. He's nice.

Jake: Yes, the nicer they are the scarier they are. You never know what might happen.

John: Do you know what you're doing?

Jake: I'm almost positively sure. I think.

John: *sarcastically* That makes me feel a lot better.

(meowing and screaming)

Ryan: It's the nice Backyard Troll!

Party Person: Let's party!

Backyard Troll: I'm here! I love you. Let's sing a happy song. *singing* I love you, you love-

Party Person: Never mind.

(barking and rejoicing)

John: It's the Backyard Troll's Executor!

Backyard Troll's Executor: Behold, for I am here to save you from this treacherous menace. You people should be more careful.

Ryan: Look over there! It's the smallest mountain on Earth!

Jake: The key!

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: An evil man is preparing something diabolical. what ever could it be?

Jeff: Screwy Louie, is my diabolical scheme in order?

Screwy Louie: Ribbit, ribbit.

Jeff: Dr. Scientist, how is the collection coming along?

Dr. Scientist: All in good time. We got a sheep yesterday and we're attempting a chimpanzee today.

Jeff: Wonderful.

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Anyway, back to the story. Now the three detectives split up to gather supplies. Jake will be going to Robby Rope's Place. Let's see how that turns out.

(door opens and closes, then opens and closes, then opens and closes, then opens and closes, then opens and closes, then breaks)

Jake: Interesting door.

Robby Rope: Hello Jake, what are you looking for today?

Jake: I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish.

Robby Rope: What's that got to do with anything?

Jake: No one cares, Rope. I was talking to Peppi La Poo Poo Head.

Peppi La Poo Poo Head: Cela ne fait rien, te imbècile!(That makes no difference, you idiot!)

Jake: Shut up. Now, Rope, do you have anything for me to catch Gaws with?

Robby Rope: Probably. Peppi La Poo Poo Head, te prendre chez les fantasque personne. (Peppi La Poo Poo Head, you take care of the odd person.)

Peppi La Poo Poo Head: Fine.

Jake: I'm looking for some rope and. stuff.

Peppi La Poo Poo Head: I don't speak English idiot!

Jake: Sorry. What about Chinese? Cha, cha, cha.

Peppi La Poo Poo Head: No dummy! I only speak French! Duh! No English, no Chinese.

Jake: I see. Votre mère's ainsi gras sauter in et brise and got coller! (Jake though he said: I need some ropes at a cheap price in the bag, and get a bath! He actually said: Your mother's so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck!)

Peppi La Poo Poo Head: That's it! Get out! Out!

Jake: I thought you didn't speak English!

Peppi La Poo Poo Head: I changed my mind!

(Writer: Note to all people out there who can actually speak French, sorry if some of this is incorrect, but I had little to work with.)

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Jake got his supplies and waited for the others. John went to Never Net's Store. Let's see what happens there.

(door knob turns, doesn't open)

John: Hiiiya! Oh (beep) my foot! Geez, that hurts!

Never Net: Let me unlock the door.

John: Never Net, do you have any nets?

Never Net: Never! Never, never, never!

Someone Else: He's just kiddin' ya.

Stew Pid: Ya, just wat Someone Else said.

Someone Else: True, Stew Pid telled duh truth.

Idiot: He, he, he. True, true, true. Never Net always has nets!

Never Net: You're fired, Idiot!

Idiot: I don't work for you!

Never Net: That's cause I fired you!

John: Ok, everyone I'm not talking to, shut up because you sound like a bunch of slap-jawed yokels. Now, where are they, Net?

Never Net: *sarcastically* This way, your majesty.

John: Wow! No one's ever treated me as their majesty before. I feel special!

Never Net: That's how you feel! You are stupid.

Stew Pid: No, I'm Stew Pid.

Never Net: Shut up!

John: So, can I have some nets?

Never Net: No!

John: Why not?

Never Net: I don't know.

John: Why not?

Never Net: Shut up. What do you what?

John: I don't know.

Never Net: What are you here for?

John: I don't know.

Never Net: Why don't you leave?

John: I don't know.

Never Net: Just get out of here!

John: I don't- no!

(KICK!)

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Ryan went to Pronoun Palace, which is also an inconvenience store.

(door falls down)

Ryan: Hey, you.

You: What?

What: What?

Ryan: Not you, him.

Him: What?

What: What?

Ryan: I'm not talking to you.

Him: I know, but you said you where talking to me.

Me: No he didn't. He said he was talking to you.

You: Then he said he was talking to Him.

Him: Duh.

What: Then why'd you all say my name?

Ryan, You, Him, & Me: We didn't!

Ryan: Who owns this store?

Who: Since when?

Ryan: Where is the owner?

Where: I thought you said Who was the owner.

Ryan: *frustrated* The owner! The owner! I want to see the owner!

I Want To See: I am! Wow!

Ryan: No, no. I'm looking for the owner of the store.

Store: You wanted to see me?

You: No.

Store: Not You, him.

Him: What?

What: What?

Ryan: Argh!

(Ryan turns to leave, hits the door that is for some reason back on its hinges, falls down, gets back up, and leaves)

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Jake, John & Ryan meet up at the shoreline to open the ocean door.

Jake: Now to unlock the-open door! Why do we need a key if the door's open?!

(Jake throws the key in a nearby volcano and opens the door all the way to discover.)

Jake: Another door! Who are these people?! Now how will we open this door?! Any ideas?

Ryan: Maybe use a key.

Jake: Any useful ideas?

John: Maybe you can go through the keyhole.

Jake: Any useful and intelligent ideas?

(volcano explodes)

Jake: Now the volcano to exploded and melted the door. Just great! How are we going to open the door if it's not there?!

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: So Jake, John and Ryan get a boat to go exploring.

Jake: So, Captain Underpants, is your crew ready to risk your life for a counterfeit penny?

Captain Underpants: Not really.

Jake: Great! Let's go!

Captain Underpants: This is my first mate, Boxer Short, my second mate, Fruit Of The Loom, my third mate, Little Rocket Ships, my fourth mate, U. N. Derwear, and my fifth mate, Fred.

Jake: How did he get in the underpants club?

Fred: Look under there.

Jake: Under where?

Captain Underpants: That's how.

Jake: I don't get it.

Captain Underpants: No one does.

Jake: Do you?

Captain Underpants: Not really.

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: So Jake, John, Ryan, and the underpants club go of to find Gaws.

Captain Underpants: Well, lets catch Gaws.

Tour Guide: *for another boat* And if you look to the left, you'll see the three greatest detectives that never lived!

(ooing and awing and pictures snap)

Tour Guide: And if you look to the right, you'll see a giant shark that is about to kill us all. This will be the end of our tour, have a nice day. This might be a good time to remind you that there are no refunds and we deeply urge you not to sue.

(punching sounds)

Stupid Man: I'll kill you, Hercules!

Hercules: No you won't, Stupid Man.

Tourists: Hercules, Stupid Man, please, continue your fighting somewhere else. We're trying to die here!

Hercules & Stupid Man: Sorry.

Gaws: Now where were we? Oh yes.

Narrator Person Thingy Man Dude Guy: Unfortunately, after the swallow, Gaws died from starvation.

Jake: Looks like our job here is done.

Fred: You didn't do anything.

(water splashes)

The End