This is a short something, a short nothing. I wrote it on a whim, in the middle of a quiet day.

Much love, Ki


I remember...

Too much about you, a deluge, a flood, washing away the pieces of myself I have slowly built back together. The tilt of your smile, crazy and bright in the neon darkness. And the small, intimate crook of your finger, blurred in the smoke and sharpened by the spiking strobe light.

Sometimes it ends there, and I wake, gasping for air in a world crammed with it. Only the damp tangle of sheets about me, the low shape beside me still and unaware. Far off rush of traffic streaming into the horizon, spilling dirt and dust into the sky.

I get up, like I got up the day before, and I pad to the bathroom. And I do what I did the day before, and all the days before that in a life gone stale as the smoke in that nightclub. And I'll look in the mirror, and meet my own eyes, and not understand how they can be the same as they were yesterday, as they were before it all.

The bruise is gone, mark of your mouth on my shoulder. Sweet, hard pain, a kiss and a brand. Nothing but skin, yet in these lacklustre days, I think I feel the shadow of possession bruising me again.

Too often, it does not end there.

Too often, I find the memory clouding my vision, putting ghosts in every face I pass. In them I see the flash of light as it slid along your jaw, sweep of eyelashes as they lay smooth on your cheekbone. The careless dishevelled hair too like yours, hair to be touched and tousled.

Cold recognition jolts through me, opening that small, significant abyss into my heart. A place you filled, so briefly, reducing my world to the sweaty, slick feel of flesh on flesh, to meaningless, frantic words that never rose above a whisper.

It passes, destroyed by the urban crunch, shrill of a known voice, bump of a stranger's elbow. The real world bursts in, loud and demanding. Demanding like you.

I'll forget, for a little while, but in the sting of my heart, I know you with each push of my pulse.

My infidelity.


Thanks for reading :)