Happy Birthday to Me

For my twenty-first birthday I went to a bar
The dancing room floor had rotating stars.

I had too much to drink, and acted like a fool
I went to sit down, and missed my stool.

I couldn't stand to shoot pool
But yet, I thought I looked cool.

I tried to act like a Romeo hunk
And, the girls laughed and said, "You're drunk."

Some of the gals danced on the table
I tried too but, my feet were not stable.

I fell on the floor
Then, I was escorted to the door.

I sang me, the Happy Birthday song
And, my friends sang along.

They kept asking me, "How much booze did you consume?"
And when they got me home, I danced with the broom.

The booze put my mouth in gear
And, my eyes over flowed with tears.

I went on a crying jag
And, later threw-up in a plastic bag.
The next day, I felt like I had jet lag.

My stomach did flip flops
And, all day I sipped on soda pop.

My head felt like it had been trampled on by a buffalo herd
And drinking, I'll leave that to the birds…