Somewhere in between

Warnings: Shounen-ai/yaoi, adult situations, and language.

If you do not know what shounen ai and yaoi are, don't read it. If you are not mature enough to handle these things, don't read it.

"I love you."

"I don't love you."

"I know."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Unkempt strands of ebony-black were pushed into a pair of silver-flecked, cold, gray eyes by the commanding wind. The winter weather nipped unforgivingly at exposed flesh turing pale white skin to a soft pink tone. But he didn't feel it. He did not feel the stinging bite of the frosty cold.

Pushing the classroom door ajar, leather-clad feet trod across the room the desk under the fourth window to the right, in the third row. Gently setting down his book bag, he seated himself gracefully in the corresponding chair.

In an instant, hushed voices grew louder and more confident as the female population of the classroom pushed their way past desks until they reached the furthest desk from the door, in the third row.

"Tanaka-saaaaan!" The high-pitched voices said in unison, "ohayo gozaimasu!"

"How was your week, Tanaka-san?"

"What are you doing tomorrow? It's the weekend"

"Do you like cookies?"

"No, i heard that Tanaka-san doesn't like to eat sweets!"

He reclined his head head toward the window, staring into the vast expanse of white frost left from late the night before, as the incessant chatter continued.

"Ahem!" The voices ceased.

"Ah! Sumimasen, Kyou-san!" another voice squealed as she smiled, clearly embarrassed, and pushed away from the chair-back she had her hand rested upon. Kyou pulled the chair from underneath the desk and seated himself. He looked to the right to see his silent roommate trying to mentally tune out the interrogations he was receiving from the girls.

"Aa, Yuki-kun," Kyou chimed, "you left too early this morning, you didn't even eat breakfast." Kyou reached into his back and fished out something rectangular, wrapped in a paper towel. He reached over to the next desk and deposited the wrapped item in front of the other boy. Turning his head sharply, Yuki glared at the brown-haired boy as he unwrapped the paper towel. He looked down to find strawberry jam spread between two pieces of slightly burnt toast.

"I don't want it."

"Oh, just shut up and eat it, you hardly eat anything as it is."

"I don't ha--"

"'have to listen to you', i know, but just eat the damn thing before Sensei gets here."

Yuki didn't answer; however, he gingerly bit into the corner of the sandwich.

Eighteen minutes later, the teacher stepped into the classroom. She walked into the room, revealing a small girl trailing behind her.

"Class, we have a new student," she turned her head to the petite girl with honey-colored eyes and blond hair, "would you please introduce yourself?"

"Hai. My name is Watsuki Megumi, I am seventeen years old, and i enjoy flower-arranging."

"I trust that everyone will do their best to ensure she feels at home here. Please take a seat, there's an empty seat in the second row."

Kyou stifled a small sigh. Looking at Yuki, he had noticed that there was a flash of emotion behind those cold eyes, even if he couldn't figure out exactly what it was. Any emotion was more than he was able to get from the cold boy. Yuki and Kyou had been roommates for only a few months, but classmates for at least a few years. At first, Yuki was kind and considerate; however, he became withdrawn and callous. Not wanting to be a burden to his aunt and uncle, Yuki moved in with Kyou, who had been more than happy to receive the company.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The final bell, signaling the end of class, echoed through the hallways as the school-day drew to a close. Eager and restless students grabbed their books and sped out of the classroom and onto whatever activities they had planed for that afternoon.

As Kyou shoved his books into his book bag, he noticed Yuki walking over to Megumi's desk.

"Aa, Wastuki-san--"

"Megumi is fine," she looked up and smiled.

"Ee, Megumi-san, where do you live?"

"In the Fujiyama Corp. apartment complex, my dad works at Fujiyama Corp., he got promoted to the Tokyo branch last week."

"Really? I live there too. Can i walk you home today?"

"Ee, that would be very nice," she answered, cheeks turning pink.

Kyou narrowed his eyes, recklessly swinging his bag on his shoulder. "I'll be home late due to football practice tonight. There's some food in the fridge that I made this morning that you can eat," Kyou stated bitterly. When Yuki made no sign of acknowledgment, Kyou stomped out of the room angrily.

Megumi looked at Yuki curiously. "Are you two good friends?" she asked gently.

"No, he's just my roommate."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Slipping the key into the keyhole, Kyou patted his stomach. He had been at football practice all afternoon, the team preparing to face their division rivals in the championship game in a month. Sadly, sports drinks were hardly enough to appease the hunger of a unfed athlete. Once he got inside the apartment, he stripped off his jacket and socks, depositing the jacket on the couch and the socks in the laundry basket. He was still wearing the shorts he had worn during practice, which made the bruises on his shins painfully noticeable, albeit wearing shin-guards during scrimmages. He opened the refrigerator finding, to his surprise, the meal he had prepared this morning went untouched, meaning that Yuki had either not eaten, or just not eaten at home. Kyou by no means thought he was a master chef, but his cooking was rather decent, better than Yuki's.

"Yuki-kun!" he called, voice reverberating off the walls of the apartment. When there was no answer, Kyou warmed up a bowl of rice and a piece of fish and threw himself in front of the television set.

Half way into the third movie Kyou sat through, Yuki returned.

"Yuki-kun, have you eaten yet?"

"Aa."

"Where did you eat? I told you that i made dinner this morning."

"Megumi-san invited me to eat with her cause her parents were out."

Kyou winced as his eyes met Yuki's piercing gaze. After living with Yuki for nearly six months, nothing between them had changed. He hardly knew anything about the stoic boy that he lived with, except his situation. However, Yuki's family was never mentioned, it was an unwritten law. Kyou on the other hand, had told Yuki everything about himself. Whether or not the other cared was a different thing entirely. Kyou had told Yuki about how his father was the owner of Fujiyama Corp. He told Yuki about how his parents were never around because they were working or at extravagant parties help by the ridiculously wealthy. Kyou even told Yuki about his most hated memory.

In a swirl of emotion, the young football player had fallen for his cold, callous classmate. Whether or not the other cared was a different thing entirely.

Watsuki Megumi. That girl had waltzed into Kyou's fairy tail and made Yuki smile. Yuki had smiled when she blushed innocently. Everything Kyou hand done had gone unnoticed. Did Yuki find him that disgusting? So unworthy of his attention? Was Yuki disgusted because a boy loved him? No, it couldn't be that, Kyou as positive that his being a by was not the issue at hand. Yuki had never really cared what anyone else thought anyway.

Glancing up at the clock, Kyou decided that he would go to bed, it was almost eleven anyway.

He stripped down to his happy-face boxers and hid his lean, muscular frame between the pale blue sheets.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was half past twelve and he wasn't able to sleep. He could sleep with anticipation weighing heavily on his mind. The waiting was almost painful and mind-numbing. There he lay, waiting. Waiting for what? He wasn't completely sure, but is was somewhere along the lines of love, or at least his poor excuse for it. But his excuse kept him going. It convinced him that he was loved, that he meant something to someone. But truth be told, deep inside he knew that he was nothing. In those eyes, he was nothing. But at least he could blind himself to the harsh reality that awaited outside his intricately constructed diaphanous dream.

He was lost deep in thought when the door creaked open. The other figure made his way across the room until he stood at the foot of the bed, staring intently at wide cinnamon eyes. Wasting no time, Yuki pushed the covers off the slightly shorter boy, eliciting a shriek of surprise from the brunette. He climbed into the pale blue bed and returned the covers to their original state, on top of the bed.

Greedy hands roamed over skin frantically, as if trying to prove that this was indeed real. Impatient fingers found their way to the elastic waistband of Kyou's boxers, swifltly pulling them down to allow more skin to skin contact. Slender fingers wrapped around Kyou's swollen member as they continued to feel each other, as if the other was the only other existing entity. But, Kyou thought to himself sadly, he could never really reach the other because Yuki would never allow it. How much he wanted to make him smile, make him forget his painful past. And that's why he let Yuki fuck him. No, it wasn't making love, it was mindless, stress-relieving fucking. There was no love involved, except on Kyou's part. Even so, he would continue to make excuses for Yuki's behavior. He would tell himself that Yuki loved him, he was just afraid, and that this, this was the only way he knew to show it. He put himself out for Yuki just so Yuki could forget about his past, even if it was just for a few minutes of bliss. And when Yuki reached the end, he would get up, get dressed, and retreat to his own room.

Notes:

Mou..poor Kyou~ Well, hopefully this little ficklet won't be more than three chapters. It shouldn't be. Anyway, i just felt like writing something a wee bit angsty. Well, it'll get better soon!