A/N - I have no idea what I'm talking about. This is the same essay I put up a few months ago, but edited and with a second chapter.

An Argument Against Guys Wearing Their Pants Around Their Ankles

I like boys. I enjoy talking to them, staring at them, talking about them, etc. But an alarming fashion trend is impairing my ogling. Long shirts and baggy pants are hiding one of the most attractive of a young man's features. Yes, of course I am talking about the butt.

Now why is it that guys cover their behinds? I find guy behinds quite attractive really, and this is hardly a new idea. Think back to the sixties, when young men wore bell bottoms that weren't exactly tight (no, I do not want to see anyone in spandex) but were able to show off a cute derrière. Heck, I'm sure that in the times of the Romans girls were constantly hoping for the men to tie their togas a little tighter than usual. This brings up the point of men wearing skirts, which I think is really just a simple way to deny women butt watching rights. I think I will discuss the evils of skirt wearing men in the next chapter.

But now almost every boy I meet wears really, really low slung pants. Not low slung like they hang off the bottom of their waists. No, I mean low slung like they hang off the bottom of their shoes. And that's not right! Its not like they then wear short t-shirts so the ogler can try to stare through their boxers! (hopefully not tighty whiteys. Ugh ugh ugh) No, they then have the nerve to wear shirts so long that they actually touch the waistline of their pants! Which is still all the way at their ankles! Why has America been cursed with this problem? I haven't noticed it anywhere else in the world, but then again, most of the rest of the world is more concerned with surviving than looking good.

I'm not saying that wearing baggy pants and such should be against the law; well, not really. In fact, I think that people with no butt should continue wearing such styles, and that there are plenty of people wearing tight pants that shouldn't be. (ughhh. Backstreet boys) And I also understand that it's a popular fashion and that many people enjoy wearing it. But why does everyone have to wear it? Where are the good old fashioned levi's? Where are the last outposts of the hot butts? I guess though, in a perfect world, males would all run around naked. But that is not the point.

I've also noticed (as I have many male family members) that guys (and, I suppose, girls) may easily enjoy the privilege of staring at female butts, what with the fact that shorts grow shorter each year and with the advent of stretch material that definitely stretches over our backsides. Not that I have any problem with that. I have a fine butt, and don't mind showing it off, and I don't think girls should have a problem with that. They buy the clothes dammit. No one's forcing you to but on short shorts and run through the mall with a sign on your back that says, "I am a sexual object!". But anyway, getting back to the butt of the argument.

I think the ogling of butts relationship needs to see a little give and take, before the boys have the market cornered. I think it is time for everyone who would like to see the rears of males to rise up and say, very maturely and diplomatically, "If you won't give us a chance to stare at your butt, you can't stare at ours!" And then stick our tongues out and shake our now completely covered butts at them. Lets go back to the days of the early nineties, where everyone was wearing baggy clothes, girls included. Maybe if the guys understand what it feels like to be deprived of the sight of a good looking behind, they will make a deal with us, and show off their own butts more! Who's with me?