Unrequited Love

Louise was in love with Michael, but she knew that it was all wrong. She was a Christian, and he was her youth leader. The attraction was purely on her behalf, and she knew it. That's what made it worse. She knew that there was no chance of him ever taking a second glance at her. Not in that way. Not in the way she wanted him to.

"Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces pass,
And I'm homebound.
Staring blankly ahead,
Just making my way,
I'm making a way through the crowd."

That wasn't even the worst of it. Michael was married. His wife was so lovely, and at times, she had been like a second mother to Louise. She had helped her out of some sticky situations. As a matter of fact, so had Michael, and this only made Louise's feelings for him stronger. There was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't help the way she felt, and as much as she tried to get over him, she really couldn't.

"And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder..."

And his wife wasn't the only problem. They had a child together. A six-month old little boy, called Jacob. He was so gorgeous, so innocent. Louise had babysat for them often, and she adored the child.

"If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles,
If I could just see you, tonight."

She knew that what she felt for Michael was probably based on hero-worship. She knew it, and couldn't do anything about it. If he hadn't have been there for her when nobody else was willing to listen and lend a hand, she knew that her love wouldn't have developed into anything further than friendship. But it was far too late for ifs and buts. It had happened. She had fallen for him, totally and completely, and there was no way she could change it now.

"It's always times like these,
When I think of you,
And I wonder if you ever think of me,
'Cause everything's so wrong,
And I don't belong,
Living in your precious memory."

She stood above the bridge. Did she dare to jump? She wanted to. She wanted to so badly, but she didn't have the courage. It was as simple as that.

"Cause I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder..."

"Michael..." she sobbed, as she stared down at the water. It hurt so much. Carrying love for someone, and never being able to tell them about it. Knowing that if she did tell him, nothing would change anyway, save for her and Michael both being too embarrassed to face each other again. And she didn't want that. She needed his friendship. She relied on it. She relied on it far too much.

"If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles,
If I could just see you, tonight."

She loved the way that he would come over to her and give her a big hug if she was feeling down. The strength in his arms. The smell of his aftershave. She clung to all of the details about him as though they were precious gems, which, if cherished and kept for years, would grow in value. And they really were growing in value, because she knew she was falling deeper and deeper into her feelings for him.

"And I, I don't want to let you know,
I, I drown in your memory,
I, I don't want to let this go,
I, I don't..."

She tried to remember how it had all started. The first time she had looked at him, and not simply seen the role-model and friend she was used to. But she couldn't remember. Louise had hoped that if she could work this out, then she would be able to turn back the clock. A ridiculous idea, her mind told her. She continued to convince herself that it could work, though.

"Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces pass,
And I'm homebound.
Staring blankly ahead,
Just making my way,
I'm making a way through the crowd."

There were the added feelings of guilt she felt for loving someone she shouldn't. Day after day, she begged for God's forgiveness, for his deliverance from the feelings that she didn't want to harbour anymore. But no good came of it. Louise's relationship with God was beginning to falter, and she knew that it was due to what she felt for Michael.

"And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder..."

She was going to do it. She was going to jump from the bridge. Wasn't she? She shook her head, answering her question. She couldn't do it. She knew that nothing could ever happen between her and Michael, but at least she had his friendship. And that would be enough, for now. She turned away from the steep drop, and walked towards her home.

"If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass us by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles,
If I could just see you...
If I could just hold you...
Tonight."