Can I Spend The Rest Of My Life In My Head?

Can I spend the rest of my life in my head?
Among the dancing thoughts, so full of energy,
Never failing to finish the dance, before they fall.

Is this the way it will always be, or is there something more?

Spiralling into the darkness once again,
Pretending that nothing is wrong, when everything is,
Everything has returned to the way it was before,
Never mind the happiness,
Dreams are all over now, and nothing is left but hatred, confusion, pain.

To be me is difficult- I won't lie about that.
However, other people have it worse, so I can't complain,
Even when it hurts so badly that all I can do is scream.

Remember how we used to be? Laughing and carefree?
Everything was a game, everything was fun- we would laugh.
Say that you'll laugh with me again?
Tell me that you still remember all the good times we had...

Once I was happy, and I see that as I look back,
Forever laughing and singing- why did it have to change?

Mirrors are covered over so that I don't have to face myself,
Yet I still can't hide from the person who lives inside me.

Let me hold your hand, because I'm scared.
I want a way out of this mess and confusion, but I can't find one anywhere.
Fate- is it real, or is it something you made up to hurt me,
Eventually, I will find the answers, but I won't reveal them to you.

Inside, I am reeling from each blow they deliver to me,
Not apparent on the outside, this is something I keep to myself.

Maybe it's because I don't want to seem weak?
You always told me I was strong, but I don't think I really am.

Hidden emotions threaten to cripple me, and bring me down into the dirt,
Every time it happens, I want to cry and grab for that blade again.
All the time, it calls to me, and I have to try and ignore it,
Don't try and help me- this person inside is someone I have to deal with on my own.