A/N: Hey everyone! Well, since Beautiful has become so popular, I decided to start a new slash fic. I hope it turns out as well-liked as Beautiful, and keep in mind that this is my first attempt at a romance/angst story, so please bear with me if some of it needs improvement. Also, in this, I use the name Malachite.

Now, I realize that that is from Sailor Moon, but it is also a mineral found deep in the earth; so, I am not trying to steal or model my character after the guy from SM. Please don't flame or yell at me for that. Flames are not welcomed or accepted with me, though constructive criticism is always welcome. ^_^

Also, I know that Autumn is a girl's name normally, but in my story; it's a guy's too. Oh, yeah, I should mention that the two little stars (* *) next to the character's names on the top of the chapter tell the POV that it is in. I'm gonna mix them up a bit. ^_^ Anyway, now that I'm done ranting, please feel free to drop me a review when you're done reading. ^_^ Thanks, and ja ne! ^_^

~I want to dedicate this story to a good friend of mine. A little something to brighten your day. You know who you are! ^_^ ~


I hate my life. Sometimes I wish I had never been put on this evil earth. Maybe things would have been better that way. Maybe I should introduce myself first. My name is Autumn Zaria, and I'm twenty-three years old. And, oh yeah, I'm gay. I didn't choose this path in my life, it just came naturally to me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed, others say it's a gift. I really don't know what to think anymore. Right now I'm in my second year of college studying to be a :blush: interior decorator. I know, not much of a 'manly' job, but what can I say? It was something I enjoyed doing.

Most people didn't like me much because of being this way. I guess you could say I was the softer male. More in touch with my emotions, versus with most guys that lock them up unless they're alone. But, I wasn't like that, oh no. It didn't matter where I was if something made me sad; I just would break down right there.

Most would tell me I'm a wimp, and hurt me even more. I was starting to believe them. I didn't really have any friends, and no one to help me in trying times. In fact, I never found myself interested in other people at all until- him. In case you're wondering who I'm talking about, it's the guy that I love.

I know you're probably thinking "Oh, really?" but yes, it's true.

His name is Malachite Avalyn. He's actually in my Creative Writing class, and I guess he plans on making a career out of it. Becoming a writer, I mean. I never completely fell for him until about a year ago, when I discovered that he wasn't like the other guys.

He wasn't a jock-type, and he never flirted with any girls, eventhough he's completely gorgeous. I'm afraid to tell him how I feel, because I'm afraid that he'll only end up using me like so many others have. Well, actually, I'm beginning to wonder that about him now.

I know, it's a sad thing to think about someone, but I can't shake it off. It's true, we're friends, but I don't know if he wanted to keep his popularity up or whatever, because it seemed that he was only really kind to me in private.

Sighing, I pick up a small pebble and fling it as hard as I can into the nearby river as a light splash is heard.

"Hey, not bad. Keep that up and you'll be able to reach the other side," a sweet voice spoke with a laugh.

I turn as I notice my crush standing behind me. I feel like throwing my arms around him and kissing him deeply, but I resist.

"Oh, hey there, Mali," I greet to him.

That was a nickname that I had given him not long after we had become friends. When we first met, I told him that he had a unique name, and later on; I had asked to use a nickname. Well, let's just say I came up with it not long after, and I'm the only one that gets away with it. To everyone else, he's just Mal.

"Hey, friend. Um, I'm sorry to ask this-" he begins.

Here we go again. I knew where this was heading.

"I- kind of don't get paid until next week. Could you maybe, lend me twenty bucks?" he concluded.

I sigh. That's what I often wondered, why he stayed my friend. Money. I know I shouldn't, but I give in. Reaching into my pocket, I take out my wallet and take out two tens, handing them to my friend as he smiles.

"Thanks, dude. Well, see ya!" he calls as he headed back to the campus.

I sigh as I focus my attention back towards the river. Why do I even bother? I mean, bother to live in the first place? Hell, why did I even come to this stupid town? I mean, I left everything behind there- my parents, (though we were never that close in the first place,) my friends, and my boyfriend. It's true he wasn't the greatest thing in the world, but he did tell me everything I needed to hear.

Feeling tears start to sting in my eyes, I let myself slowly collapse onto the ground, burying my face in my dark green, winter jacket. Will I have to live this way forever? Is there any hope at all for me? I was beginning to say 'no.'

I raised my now tear-streaked face to the river, as I swept my long, blonde hair back. Realizing the time, I dried my glacier-blue eyes as I swallowed the lump remaining in my throat. Standing up, I walked back to the college, preparing myself for the other half of my day in hell.

~Well, this is chapter 1! I know, we all feel bad for Autumn. But remember, I did say this was an angst story, as well as romance. But don't panic- things will get better for him. I don't wanna give anything away, so I'll just leave it at that. ;) Anyway, please r/r and I'll continue! Much thanks! :) ~