Let's not beat around the bush. He won. You all know who "he" is so I'm not going to waste time explaining. Let's just delve into why:

-GUILT BY ASSOCIATION: This was a no-brainer vote for leftists who hate Dubya. McCain was a Republican, so obviously he was exactly like Bush, right?

-WE GET IT. "IT'S THE ECONOMY, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH…": Once again, the incumbents got hosed by the electorate's fiscal fears.

-"I'M A NICE PERSON, REALLY, AND SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS…": Admit it. Some of you white people out there reading this who voted for the other guy did it because you think it absolves some of your ancestors of some heinous acts, right?

-"I WAS THERE WHEN…": And regardless of race, I bet most of you people who voted for the other guy did it mainly because you wanted to be able to bore your grandchildren with the following story: "Yep, I was alive when they voted in the first African American President! And I voted for him! And our iPods could only download a bunch a songs, not like them newfangled things you kids got that can download the whole band!"

And what truly sticks in my craw is that I wouldn't have minded being a part of history. I would love to be able to say I helped vote in the first Black President…except I can't, because the absolute last Black man on Earth that I would want as President is the one we just got!

Which brings me to my question: Where in the hell are all these Black Conservatives I keep hearing about when we need them? It's like one or two pop up in the news, the newsies ooh and aah over them like they're circus attractions and then we never hear from them again! The last one I ever heard of making any kind of serious run for the White House was Alan Keyes, and he was summarily ignored by the press and the Republican Party alike.

Well, now hear this, Republicans! You can't – repeat: CAN NOT – repeat that mistake! You must field a viable, Conservative African American candidate for President in 2012. Why? Because the uber-question has just been answered. Yes, America is ready for a Black President. That was just proven decisively last night, and if he maintains even half his popularity over the next four years, if you don't put up a candidate with truly contrasting political views who'll be just as novel then as the President-elect was in this election year, you will be done as a party. DONE.

You need to go hunt down JC Watts and drag him outta whatever law firm he's been hiding in. You need to corral Condoleeza Rice and get it through her thick head that nobody needs a woman NFL Commissioner but we're all hungry for a serious Woman President. You need to hogtie Thomas Sowell or Walter Williams, whichever, secure him in a dark room and browbeat him like a gangster until he finally gets the message and puts his money where his mouth is. The message should be: "Take the g-damn pay cut and RUN ferchrissakes!"

Don't want any of them? Fine. Pick a Hispanic. Pick an Asian. Pick an Asian Woman. I don't care, so long as you take the lesson of this election to heart, and that lesson is YOU WILL NOT BEAT BARACK OBAMA BY FIELDING YET ANOTHER OLD WHITE GUY!* The YAOWG paradigm is officially dead. The left and the pissed off just put a fork in it last night. Figure this out and start preparing for 2012 now!

*Nothing personal to any Old White Guys that might be reading this.