Okay, I wrote this yesterday at Driver's Ed.  It's very random, and contains seven facts about drinking and driving.  (It was part of the assignment.)  Can you find them all?  (We used our own names, so I've changed them so you don't find us and slaughter us while we sleep).

            Three friends were at a Graduation Party, and two were illegally drunk.  (One wasn't terribly drunk).  Austin, one of the friends, decided he wanted to drive home. Jack, the one who wasn't as drunk as the other two said, "You idiots!  Judgment and reason are the first things in your brain affected by alcohol!  We could do something stupid!"

            "And do you know," said Josh (A/N: That's me.), the extremely drunk one, "That my friend Bettie the cow told me that this beer has 0.06 ounces of alcohol in it?  I've had 46!  By all logical reasoning, I should be in a coma!  Unfortunately, I am not reasoning logically."

            Just then, a policeman walked in.  "Okay kids," he shouted, "Party's over!"  Josh didn't want to leave, so he pulled out his high-powered, 9mm handgun and shot at the policeman.  Thankfully, alcohol affects hand-eye coordination, so he missed.


Sort of.

Actually, he blew half of the policeman's head off.  The cop survived but has permanent damage to what's left of his brain.

The three friends were so terrified that they jumped in Jack's car and drove away.  "What's that Bettie?"  Josh questioned, "You say that driving ability decreases as BAC (A/N: Blood Alcohol Content) increases?  Oh, shut up, Bettie, you don't know squat."

Suddenly, Austin shouted, "Car!"  Josh (who was driving) swerved and knocked over a couple of trashcans. 

Actually, the trashcans were people and the car was a cat, but as we all know, alcohol blurs your vision.

A nearby cop jumped on his motorcycle and began pursuing the three friends.  He had seen that they had beer.  He knew that minors were not permitted to consume, possess, or purchase alcohol.  He was prepared to take them to jail.  He knew that the penalties for a first DUIA (A/N: Driving Under the Influence) by a minor included up to a $500 fine, 60-day license suspension or denial, and 20-40 hours of community service.

He also knew that the penalty for killing those pedestrians could be up to a $10,000 fine, confinement in a penitentiary for 2-20 years, and a 180 day- 2-year license suspension.

Suddenly, a giant rock began to fall from the sky.  Bettie said, "Moo!" and jumped out.  "Bettie!"  Josh exclaimed as he leapt from the car.  The rock smashed into the car with a huge BANG!!!!  Austin and Jack were killed instantly.  The cop pulled out an Uzi and pumped Josh with lead.  Bettie went back to the pasture.

The moral of this story is… Don't Drink & Drive, or you might be shot or crushed by a huge boulder.