Ummm… hello? Anyone still there?
Shawna Forbes here.
Yeah, I bet you are all dying to know what ended up happening to me, seeing as I was the one who got shafted and all out of this experience. Well, I'll humor you, I suppose. But, I'm only doing this because I have this new outlook on life that I should be nicer and more considerate of people, as Joey told me after she got the balls to say something to my face about it.
Oh, who am I kidding?
When the hell did I start listening to what Joey had to say?
I was the one who had my reputation nearly smashed to pieces, people! So why are you all cooing over Joey and Matt (gross, by the way… alright, maybe I will admit it's kind of cute. Only kind of!) when I got hit and couldn't show my face in front of anyone?! You people are all so inconsiderate. Casting me aside like a pair of last season's shoes, never to be worn or thought of again… of all the nerve! I'll have you know that some things, although rare, are worth keeping after they have gone out of style!!! Have you ever heard of vintage? It's all the rage.
You people are pathetic.
Okay, okay, sorry to get all worked up… you all did voice some concern for what happened to me, didn't you? That is the point of this epilogue, is it not? So, I suppose I shall have to be somewhat grateful, but not too much. I mean, after all, I don't know you people! And what if some of you are emo kids or even worse… band geeks?! If I was ever caught dead trying to be nice to people like that, all that I have worked for to save my reputation would be ruined.
I will never be taken down by a band geek! Nuh-uh. Can't ever happen. Indeed, I can't really even imagine it, to tell you the truth.
Oh, sorry, kid. I didn't mean to offend you. After all, I suppose my cousin and her best friend… boyfriend? Best friend? Whatever… are band geeks, too. Thank god they aren't emo, though.
OKAY! Sorry! Gawd, please, stop throwing things at me! That is soooo uncalled for, and you could mess up my new halter top!
Anyways, moving on. Where was I? Oh yes. What happened to yours truly after this whole 'trading faces' fiasco was over. Well, I'll tell you. How do you think it was for me, having the most popular guy in school telling everyone at the prom that I was a bitch and he had made me popular and that I was nothing?! Yeah, I know, you were probably in shock, too. Me, a bitch? Umm, no! And he made me popular? I've been popular since kindergarten, you douche! How dare you say you made me what I am?!
But having him say that in front of EVERYONE that matters in the school social structure was very mortifying, and I'm quite sure some of them believed it. But if you did, I sincerely hope that you have seen the error in your ways. I mean, he hit me, for Christ's sake! I'm very well aware that I wasn't actually in my body at that point and didn't actually feel the punch, but I was the one that had to live with the ugly purple bruise and the tenderness until it went away!
Excuse me? Stop being dramatic? Well, excuse you, Miss High and Mighty! You sound frighteningly a lot like Joey.
Well, maybe I am being the tiniest bit dramatic… It actually wasn't all that bad as I've made it out to be… I didn't have to work that hard to save my reputation, because people actually felt pretty sorry for me. And rightly so! But, I did stay home from school for about a week, waiting for my cheek to heal. Lots of people called me to ask if I was all right, which I was happy for, but I didn't talk to any of them – it was much more dramatic to have people wonder how I was and come to their own strange ideas of what had happened.
Just think of it – the whole school was talking about me, and they weren't saying bad things either (not that they should be!). Sometimes, being the subject of rumors can be helpful to the reputation, and with all of the things that went on while I was away from school, my place at the top of the social pyramid was cemented for the rest of my time in high school. I was the legit queen of Langley High once more.
Joey and Matt did come to see me while I was resting in my home after the incident. And, don't tell anyone I said this, but I was kind of happy to see them. I still don't really like Joey that much, but I do love her, and I guess that's all that matters. And, I have been a bitch to her in the past, I will admit. Same with Matt. But, I figure, why dwell in the past? This is the present! Just as long as I don't have to watch them being all lovey-dovey, I think we'll be cool. But, they aren't really like that, which I am thankful for. PDA is totally not okay, unless I am on one side of the make-out session. Then we would have to make exceptions.
Jay never came back to school after that incident. I heard that Matt went and beat him up pretty madly, even broke that lovely nose of his… not so lovely anymore, is it, you asshole?! Serves you right, hitting a woman! I'm glad you were beat up. I only wish it hadn't been Matt hat had done so – now I have to feel this sort of gratitude towards him, I guess, and that just sucks big time.
But do you know what sucks even more? When someone does go and beat up the boy that has attacked my honor, it has to be Matt Owens?! Why couldn't it be someone else? Alas, I never get the guy in the end. Yes, I am a bit bitter about that.
I have to tell you this now – I've decided to give up on high school boys after this terrible experience with Jay. I've placed my sights on the college crowd, now. I mean, William and Mary is only five minutes from my house, and have you seen all of the delicious specimens of man-flesh that go there? Mmm, I'll get me a piece of that someday. But, now, I just have to focus on getting my grades up. For some reason, after we switched back, all of my teachers started expecting me to do better on my work and stuff… I suspect Joey had something to do with it. Why in the hell did she have to go and make me look smart while she was in my body? She never thinks, does she?! My cousin is soooo inconsiderate. But, yeah, I need to pass my classes and get into college before I can start looking for my perfect man.
Only a few months more. I guess I should enjoy it.
But, yes, that, in a nutshell, is what happened to me after the whole trading faces thing was over. I've moved on, I'm more popular than ever, and I got this amazing new diamond necklace from my parents as a sympathy gift.
God, I love it that my dad is loaded.
But, what was that? Everyone else? What happened to them? I thought this was about me, dammit!
Fine. I'll tell you.
It turns out that Matt's sister Looney Lily and Mr. Salsbury, the psychology teacher, have been shacking up, if you know what I mean. That dirty man, taking advantage of the insane! He should know better – he is a psychology teacher, after all. The mentally unstable are what he studies, not sleeps with! Double gross!
Ummm… who else was there? Timothy Weinstein continues to worship the ground that I walk upon, and I do admit he is rather sweet. But not a college boy. Maybe next year… we'll see. Mrs. Fankhauser is still slightly off her rocker, and Assistant Principal Feldman is still an asswipe, and Greer, she quit the cheerleading squad, completely randomly, and broke up with her boyfriend, saying that she was tired of being judged as a product of society and as plastic… I don't know where that came from, but I suspect it has something to do with her hanging out more and more with that Chase Denway kid, Matt's friend.
…And I've told you that Jay never came back and that Joey and Matt are fine, and dare I say it, cute together? Ewwwww. But, I am happy for them. And, I'm not gonna lie, it's not like we didn't see that one coming. I mean, c'mon. Joey and Matt? Everyone knew that it would happen eventually. I'm just slightly pissed that it never crossed my mind when we were trying to get Jay to fall in love with Joey. Focusing on Matt would have been sooo much easier.
On a side note, I just want to make it clear how pathetic I think this all was. C'mon. Looney Lily cursing us just so that she could hook her little brother up with his best friend? Gawd. Maybe they did need a little encouragement, but why was I pulled into all of this? Bitches.
So, there you have it, everyone. My epilogue. What happened to me, although the subject of me didn't seem to really concern you all that much, did it? I'm offended. You think I can't see through you, through your fake concern for me, and see that you only really wanted to hear about what happened to Joey and Matt?! For shame.
But I'll forgive you. I guess I have to go back to that whole, 'I need to be a nicer person' kind of thing. That damn Joey. Maybe she will have an impact on me someday.
But, as for me now, I'm off to go shopping. I mean, the seasons are changing, and there is so much to be bought, just waiting for me and my credit card… I can't let all my stuff be vintage now, can I?
A girl just can't live in the past all of the time…