Elegant Swirls of Steam
For you and for her, you both know who you are.
You stare then press your palm flat against mine
My fingers stay straight, but yours intertwine
My body is shivering but my hands are still numb
You look into my eyes and I wonder why you still come
I look away, believing your emotions are so sweetly faked
And you stroke my cheek gently, and ask how did you break?
I don't bother answering, because the answer's a lie
I could never tell you everything, even if I actually tried.
I couldn't tell you of her lies and words that don't matter
I could never tell you the pain or that in the end, I shattered.
I won't tell you I loved her and why that turned out to be wrong
I can't tell you how I cried, I want you to believe that I'm strong.
I need you to see me the way that you do, it makes this feel right.
But the thing is I can't feel anything, I'm just awfully cold tonight.
You looks at the emptiness that laces my face, burned into my eyes
Stoic and controlled, you sometimes wonder if this man cries.
I do, but only she would know that, only she has felt my tears
But the thing is, she's gone and you… you're right here.
I can hold your hand, see you smile, reach and touch your face
The room's so warm, the tea's so hot, and I never want to leave this place.
Your smile's so beautiful, like the tea and its elegant swirls of steam
But the steam's just vapor and nothing is as it seems.
You kiss me hard, your mouth tasting delicious like vanilla and rusty metals
You clear the table in a swipe, knocking the open Bible, books, and a dozen rose petals
You perch on it, lips never leaving my mouth, my hands roaming, numb and cold
You tear into my mind, breaking apart my fortress built from fool's gold.
You whisper to forget about tomorrow, think about tonight, please stay.
I just kiss you harder, forgetting that in the morning there'll be so much hell to pay
Your touch is sharp as a new razor blade, cutting into the scars that she made
Cutting into my soul and the thousand yard stare that won't seem to fade
You knows my skin still tastes like her, lingering in bittersweet traces
I just hope you won't try to slide my broken shards back in their places
Your fingers on my shoulders holding me make me feel helpless
I surrender to you, remembering how it felt to be selfless
I know you can't fix me, so I hope you won't try
The worst part is she knows you'd fail, so maybe that's why
You see me as so many things I'm not and can't be.
Honor, duty, faith, control, strength, and integrity.
You say I inspire you and call me a priest
Sharp contrast from her, who treated me like a dumb, angry beast.
But you make me forget that, trapping me in your smile
But the truth is, I just want to not want her for a while
You make me forget the only way you know how so I'll take what you give
Because holding on to my love for her isn't a way I want to live
The rain beats down hard at the windows and the wind blows
The sincerity in your eyes tells me what you already know
There are forgotten secrets I have that I must never tell
About demons and pain and heaven and angels that fell
I see in your eyes the mirror of what you see in me
But you can't see I'm a man broken and scarred with memory
Haunted and hunted by the wraith of her ghost, never fading into past
Pretty lies and false flattery and sweet words that didn't last
And somewhere in the dazzling imagery of my reality
I can see in your eyes that you intend to fix me
You'll use your sugary feelings to repair what was shattered
To craft a fake bandage around a soul that is tattered
But the hot tea and the rain and your love seem so trite
Even against your warm body, I'm just awfully cold tonight
Because as her face flashes in the eye of my mind
I remember the pain and I know if you look, what you'll find
You'll find a man shattered, empty, broken, and weak
So I whisper to you in a voice that never really speaks,
Sweet, trusting girl, please try not to love me, please don't care
Please don't realize you're just another object in my thousand yard stare
Because you don't know what I've been through or what she did to me
And that even through the pain, she's still the god of my idolatry
I hate her for what she did to me, for destroying what I wanted to become
I don't know if I still love her or where that love would come from
But in your arms, I feel something in me that reminds me to fight
Because your body's so warm and I'm just awfully cold tonight
And even with your soft touches and the words we left unspoken
The rains beats at the windows and I know I'm better off broken.