Her name is Tegan. My name is James.

I met her when I was 10 years old. My sister Jillian was in year 8, me in year 6. She in high school me in primary. I was forced by my parents to attend a family picnic. And boy am I glad they did. It was then that I met her. We started off on the wrong foot, both anxious to out-do the other. The anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better scenario. In fact we used that song as a basis for trying to prove superiority. We would claim that "I can sing anything higher then you" or "I know any word that's harder then yours" "I know more then you about maths." "I'm better at english." "I'm a better author" "I'm a better composer" "I'm better at sport" "I'm better at science" "I'm better at singing" "Oh yeah?" "YEAH!"

You get the picture.

Naturally we became the best of friends, we would regularly exchange letters via my sister with challenges for the other, it then progressed to e-mails and then just friendly letters. We actually became closer friends then I've ever had with anyone before. She would have sleepovers with my sister and I would hijack her and we would talk and write stories with each other until midnight when she and my sister would finally have time to talk to each other as we both went to our beds. We write stories together on fictionpress.com and are really the best friends I have ever seen in anyone.

Then came the terrible teens.

She and I remain friends to this day. I'm now fourteen and she is sixteen. She is an obsessed Legolas fangirl (Though she's beginning to calm down) and I am a raging Tegan fanboy behind her back (And needless to say a raging Orlando Bloom hater).

Yes this is where the trouble starts.

I have been in love with her for three years to this day. Three years ago I realised it. I loved her. I still do. I went to the school formal (The Australian version of a prom for you americans) with her, but just as friends no-one knows how much I wanted it to be more then friends except myself and possibly my sister. Afterwards I confessed something to her. That her friendship means everything to me. More problems. I would rather DIE then lose her friendship. Even if that means staying on the sidelines while she dates someone else. Even if that means hiding my feelings and never telling her how I feel. If I lose our friendship I would just lose myself in the process.

And there begins my greatest dilema.

If I tell her I am in love with her but she doesn't feel the same about me I might have permanantly changed our relationship. She would never look at me the same, she would never think of me the same and possibly in a bad way. On the otherhand I don't tell her and grow into a bitter old man wondering about the past and what could have been. I do not under any circumstances want to hurt her or our friendship but I don't want to lose her to some undeserving boy either.

I do not know what the hell to do.

And you think that was bad. there's more. I'm bisexual. And have been so for a year and a half.

She is openminded to such things, but what about the rest of society. The rest of our cold, uncaring, bigoted society. I don't want either of these secrets to leak to any of my friends and especially not her. I am fully aware that this is not a story where everything turns out alright and happy ever after. Or a video game where you can go back to the last save point should you stuff up. I have but one chance at life and I don't want to ruin it.

I definitely need help.