Oct. 6, 2003

2:34 p.m.


I found the


And the glass

Colored in

Rusted brown

I wonder why

It was so hard to just

Come to me

Tell me everything

Whisper secrets into walls



Your fists are bloody

From where?

Your eyes were guilty

Which one, you asked

Tablets in two different colors

The same, the color of

Voids and something


I stopped

Catch my breath and

I couldn't.

The room colors you

Warm colors

Living colors

Infusion of desperation

Weaved among your thoughts

I wanted you to

Push them out

Be the victor and

Do what I could not.

So beautiful and


Coming to me because

I would know, you said

I would know about

Tablets and colors and

I stopped



Bloody fists

Dents in walls

It's okay, you said

It's okay

Hide the marks—cover them with


Happy posters

Full of cold-cut lies

A morbid fascination with knives and


Twitchy eyes

I cried the day you

Bared your wrists

It's okay, you said

It's okay

Hide them under sleeves

Don't tell, you said

I trust you not to


Words unspoken

Burning, screaming

Crying to get out

Promise me

Promise me!

Cradling myself in



I couldn't

No, please, I begged

Which one, you asked

Which one!




A/N: Um, yeah.

Another personal experience, although it was a friend coming to me in all of this. She told me not to tell anyone and said that she trusted me. At first it was just kind of venting latent anger for her to punch the walls, but then things started getting serious.

In case you're wondering, yes, everything is fine. I finally just broke down in front of her when she showed me the pills (she assumed I'd know which ones were the right sleeping pills or something since my dad was a doctor and I was the only one she trusted to tell this to) and she ended up being the one to comfort ME that night…I remember, um, profanity. Lots of it.