Knowing Better

Out of the dark,
out the shimmering
black-gold
into a heart,
carved out a house in
my soul.
Wearing your white,
wearing your blue
at funerals
laughing at God;
playing the mad
the gay fool.

I know you.
I know better than that.
I hide--
I shy away from
your laugh.
Because I--
I know better than that.

Brushing your hair,
silver spill long down
our spine
tying it there,
ripping the bright
cord out--
fine.
Painting your lips,
makeup on your
switchblade
giving me back
just a glimpse of
the blood
you take.

I--
I should have known.
I should have seen this
coming when I
brought
you
home
again.
Just like before,
you never change.
And I--

If you cut my wrist
just one more time I'm
leaving.
If you bite my skin I swear
I won't let you back when
you come home.

But I don't want to be alone. . .

Out of the night,
out of the glitter
and gleam
told me alright,
promised you weren't what
you seemed.
But over again,
you wear your ring of secrets
collar of lies;
I can't deny it
I see it
and I--

I know.
I know you and
I know you better than this.
I want--
still I want that copper kiss.
I can't--
Why can't I walk away?
You're killing me
but all I say

(Is all I ever seem to say)

Is I know.
I know you better than that.
Always.
I've known much better than that.  




September 24 2003