Announcer: Sixteen strangers have been brought into one place for a one sole purpose: To win the ultimate reality show ever! But if you lose, then you get thrown into The Pit!

(sixteen strangers sit in some bleachers listening to John, the host of The Pit)
John: My name is John. I am hosting The Pit. Each of you has been selected to partake on this extraordinary journey. You will fight with and against each other in a fit for one million dollars, and survival. You have been split into two teams: the first team is Andrew, Ben, Elisabeth, Emily, Josh, Matt, Morgan, and Shannon; the second team is Bryan, Celeste, Erica, George, Jay, Lena, Sam, and Shanna. Go to your camps and I'll call when it's time for the first Head of Immunity challenge.
(they get up and leave)

The Contestants

"I'm excited to be here, and I'm just going to give it my all." nervous laughter

"I'm the smartest person here, so I'll probably win."

"¡Me llamo Shaft! ¡Me llamo Shaft!"

high-pitched voice "I miss Walter. We were supposed to go through this together!"

"Everyone hates me. I can tell already. Everyone is against me."

"I'm a SO ready to get started! WOOHOO!"

"I'm not sure how much I can do with only one functional leg."

shaking head "So many fat people… so, so many fat people."

"This time I'm actually going to apply myself."

"Why do I need to say something?"

"Well, I've had experience down rabbit holes before, so this should be a piece of cake."

"I'm not exactly sure why I'm here…"

"I brought some man pants for this show."

"Yeah, this will be fun."

"This is a real show? Wow. Hey mom! I'm a TV!"

"Nope, not saying anything."

Day 1

The First Team:
Andrew: John gave me the list of things to get started on before the first challenge tomorrow.
Elisabeth: Well, what's it say?
Ben: Give me that list.
(Ben takes the list from Andrew)
Ben: What does that word say?
Josh: looking at it 'The.'
Andrew: Patient Tree Surgeon, 35 Yeah, I wasn't too happy about Ben taking the list away from me. I didn't think that was right.
(Andrew takes it back)
Andrew: We need shelter, food, a team leader, and a team name.
Shannon: What kind of scavenger hunt is that?
Josh: It's not a scavenger hunt; it's a survival guide.
Emily: We're going to win! Num-ber One! Num-ber One!
Matt: What kind of name were you thinking of?
Morgan: The Winners.
Elisabeth: WR. For… um… Winning Really.
Andrew: Sure, that's what WR stands for.
Elisabeth: Manic Depressant, 27 I'm not sure what he meant by that, but I could tell everyone was thinking something mean about me. Why doesn't anyone trust me?
Josh: Let's name it Team Wallaborough-Greygorthion.
Emily: Yeah, then maybe we can go die because we have a stupid name.
Shannon: Your mamma's got a stupid name.
Emily: Nah-uh!
Ben: Well, I want to be team leader.
Everyone: No.
Elisabeth: I think I would make a fine leader for the first time.
Morgan: I nominate Josh.
Shannon: I second.
(Morgan and Shannon look at each other briefly, then turn and look at Josh, then at each other, then look in opposite directions)
Josh: I accept. All opposed.
Ben: I oppose.
Matt: Shut up.
Matt: Hobbit, 22 Yeah, is that camera on? No, I'm not ready. Shut, shut it off. I have nothing to say right now. Um… I'm leaving.
Josh: So I'm this week's leader and our team's permanent name is Wallaborough-Greygorthion.
Elisabeth: We've got plenty of rations for now, so we should work on shelter.
Josh: Good idea. Everyone, gather stuff.
Ben: I found a frog.
Matt: Seriously, shut up.
Josh: Professional Skateboarding Stunt-Double, 25 I was honored to be leader and have my team name accepted. I've just got to be on my toes, because there's some evil afoot.
Morgan: Fast Food/Movie Delivery Person, 23 I fell on my cell phone…
Emily: Telemarketer, 47 People have been saying some things about me that are not true! And by people I mean Ben and Josh, and I am going to get a good friend to kick their butts. Jerks.
Ben: Professional Game Show Contestant, 33 Emily has not been pulling her wait while making shelter, so Josh and I got this plan to spread rumors about her. Also I— Is that… is that cow eating standing up? That would be so weird if humans did that!
Shannon: Elementary School Student, 8 Ugh. Things are so confusing.

The Second Team:
Bryan: I've got the instructions, so everyone's going to listen to me!
Erica: What do we do, Bryan?
Bryan: It says here to give up and let Bryan win.
Shanna: Really? That doesn't seem very fair. Are you sure? Well, if that's what it says…
Shanna: Village Idiot, 20 Why does Bryan get to win already? It's only been the first day. I know I'll win because I'm a genius.
Celeste: It also says to beat up Bryan and let Celeste win.
(Shanna starts to hit Bryan)
Shanna: Let Celeste win.
Bryan: Clown College Professor, 29 She hits like a girl. It didn't hurt at all.
Bryan: sobbing Stop! It hurts! Stop it! Quit picking on me!
(Sam pulls Shanna off of Bryan)
Sam: Save your strength, Shanna.
Shanna: Good idea.
George: What does the paper say?
Bryan: Maybe I could tell you if I wasn't about to die.
Bryan: Clown College Professor, 29 No, don't show that clip.
Jay: Hurry up; I'm bored.
Bryan: We need food, shelter, a leader, and a team name.
Lena: Let's be named Team B because we're the best, and we're the second team, and it's not some stupid long name that is hard to say.
Erica: Sounds good.
Lena: Ok, who's leader?
George: I'll be leader.
Shanna: I think that is just great.
Jay: Shut up frilly leaf-monger.
Bryan: You can be leader, but I want to be Grand Poo-Bah.
George: Let's start building.
Erica: Professional Cripple, 32 I'm not sure how much help I can be in the upcoming challenges, seeing as my entire left side of my body doesn't work. I just hope I'm not voted out too soon.
Lena: Aspiring Writer/Actress (i.e. Waitress), 19 I definitely feel that not everyone is pulling their weight around here, and some people need to apply themselves more.
Jay: Misanthropist Rocker, 21 These people bore me a bit. I'm pretty sure I can get by. There are a few people I'd like gone, and Bryan and I have an alliance going that should help get us through the game. We're strong players, so I know I can win.
Celeste: Stewart's Mom, 49 Sam and I share this special bond already that no one else shares. We have a very exclusive alliance right now.
Sam: Golf Caddy, 28 Everyone keeps coming up to me and saying: "Hey Sam, do you want to be in our secret alliance." I keep saying "Yeah," so now I'm in about three or four different secret alliances. Now no one will vote me out!
George: Self-Appointed President Of Every Business, 19 As leader of Team B, I can see many hardships ahead, but we will not lose tomorrow's challenge to the fatsos, and we shall build shelter.

Announcer: Time for a word from our sponsors!

Commercial Guy: Have you ever wanted to take a dive in a swimming pool full of hot molten lava? Well—

(Jiru turns off the TV; groans from the five people on the couch)
Jake: Hey, I was watching that!
Jiru: It's just John's stupid show. Besides, it's on commercials.
Rem: But I wanted that swimming pool!
Jiru: We have much more important things to attend to.
John: Jiru, I worked really hard on this show, and my sponsors would like their money's worth, so turn the TV back on!
Jiru: Listen to me! We can't just go around watching TV all day—
Sam: It's once a week. Besides, I really want that guy who stole my name to be kicked off there. John, when does he leave?
John: I can't ruin it. Besides, they're over there while we speak.
Chelsea: That's really interesting. Jiru, I would like to finish watching the show, so could you please make your announcement brief?
Jiru: Chris is missing.
Jake: Who?
Jiru: Chris. Remember about a month ago when he had that key and the virtual reality things? Remember? All that stupid stuff that doesn't really matter happened, and our friend named Chris was involved.
John: Oh yeah, that's where I got the idea for the show. I found that Bryan person in Cairo, just like Chris said and brought him onto The Pit.
Rem: So what do you want us to do about Chris, Jiru?
Jiru: We have to find him. Something tells me not everything in his virtual reality simulation was entirely inaccurate. I've done some research about the giant turtle Bumstrong, and—
John: Uh, huh. Show's back on.
(John turns the TV on and tapes Jiru's mouth shut)

Day 2

Team Wallaborough-Greygorthion:

Emily: Woohoo! Three o'clock in the morning! YEAH! (everyone drags themselves out of their pitiful shelter made from dirt and sticks)
Elisabeth: It's nine o'clock, not three.
Josh: I thought you were supposed to wake us up a three.
Emily: Uh, you're the leader, not me.
Emily: Telemarketer, 47 Josh has really been getting on my nerves lately, but I know there's this strong alliance between him, Shannon, Morgan, and Andrew, and they could take out anyone else they want. All I have to do is make sure we win today.
Andrew: Well, I woke up about thirty minutes ago, and breakfast is almost done. Why don't y'all come eat some of it?
Morgan: What did you cook?
Andrew: Mostly dirt and grass and stuff, but I put a lot of seasoning on it, so you won't even be able to tell a difference. (they all eat it)
Andrew: Patient Tree Surgeon, 35 Everyone ate the food I made and REALLY enjoyed it, so I think now they believe me to be an essential part of this tribe.
Ben: Professional Game Show Contestant, 33 His food sucked. I wanted roast goose. I think I'm going to vote Andrew off.
Matt: Hobbit, 22 I'm actually allergic to grass and dirt, and that seasoning causes me to die. So, I just pretended to eat it, but I was really feeding it to the fish.
Shannon: Elementary School Student, 8 I know Andrew is in our alliance and all, but his food is horrible.
Josh: Professional Skateboarding Stunt-Double, 25 I really can't get over how bad that breakfast was. We need to find a nice wench or something to cook our food.
Morgan: Fast Food/Movie Delivery Person, 23 I've been working at Tasty's Movie Store for the past seven years now, and that crap was an abomination to food.
Elisabeth: Manic Depressant, 27 I actually threw up so much that my throat got clogged and I almost died.
Emily: Telemarketer, 47 In all honesty I thought Elisabeth's vomit looked better than that stuff Andrew made.
Andrew: Did everyone enjoy the food?
Everyone: trying not to vomit Yeah.
Andrew: Patient Tree Surgeon, 35 It really makes me happy to know everyone liked the food. I'm going to make it every day, now. I just hope Elisabeth start feeling better. She said she drank something funny.
Josh: Well, group, it's almost time to go to the first challenge. I hope we're all ready, and let's do our best.
Matt: I'm ready to get it over with.
Ben: Wait, where are we going?
Elisabeth: Manic Depressant, 27 They hate me. Everyone. I can tell. If we lose, I know I'm leaving.

Team B:

Celeste: I made breakfast. Jay: Great job, wench.
Sam: What is it?
Celeste: I make French toast and pancakes with sausages.
George: Where exactly did you get all that food?
Celeste: There's a Huddle House right down the street.
Shanna: There's a street here? Wow I thought we were in the middle of nowhere?
Erica: You really are dumb, aren't you? There's no Huddle House, Celeste just knows how to accessorize.
Bryan: Clown College Professor, 29 I'm not sure where the food came from, but I enjoyed it.
Lena: Well, we have to be at the challenge in less than an hour, so we should hurry up and go.
Jay: Hold on, hold on.
Shanna: Village Idiot, 20 I'm looking forward to the first challenge. I hope we win.

The First Challenge

John: Team Wallaborough-Greygorthion and Team B, I hope you all enjoyed you sleep. Today you will be fighting against each other in order to win Head of Immunity. The losers will have to vote off a member of their team tomorrow night. Whoever is voted off will be torn to shreds by whatever is found in: The Pit! Does everyone understand?
(everyone nods)
John: The first challenge is quite simple. Each team will divide into two groups of three and one group of two. The first group of three will carry one group member across the windy, dilapidated bridge, and through the meadow of pixies where the second group of three will be waiting. That group of three then switches shoes with the members of the other group and run through the running field of terror where they will meet several unique and strange obstacles. Once past the running field, the remaining to people will devour a bowl of raw worms. The team to eat all the worms first wins Head of Immunity and a house for their group. Does everyone understand?
Ben: So, are you going to divide us into groups or—
John: I'll take that as a yes. Divide yourselves into the groups and get to your posts until it's time to begin.
Josh: Professional Skateboarding Stunt-Double, 25 As group leader, I divided us into the groups. Since Morgan is the lightest, I figured Elisabeth and I could carry her. Shannon, Matt, and Emily are going to go through the field of terror, and Andrew is going to have to eat nasty stuff with Ben because Andrew made us eat that breakfast, and Ben is kind of annoying.
George: Self-Appointed President Of Every Business, 19 Erica can't run, so we'll get her to be carried by Shanna and Bryan. Sam, Jay, and Lena will run through the field of terror, and Celeste and I will eat the worms. I think it will be great.
John: Everyone ready?
Elisabeth: Wait!
(Elisabeth does far too many warm-ups)
Elisabeth: Ok!
John: Go!
(they run; Elisabeth trips and Josh and Morgan fall, Shanna, Bryan, and Erica run, Sam, Jay, and Lena get through the field of terror, which is really just a field of daisies, and Celeste and George eat the gummy worms while Elisabeth rolls around in pain)
John: Team B wins!
Elisabeth: Manic Depressant, 27 I think everyone understands that I stepped on a poisonous blade of grass and now my foot is dead. I don't think this will be my downfall.
Shannon: Elementary School Student, 8 Elisabeth is the cause of our loss, so Elisabeth will be leaving tomorrow.

Announcer: Once again, a word from our sponsors.

Commercial Guy: Word!

(Jiru steps in front of the TV)
John: Jiru, this is a great show.
Jiru: It's on commercials! Now can I please talk to you?
Sam: It depends, are you going to make us go on some kind of wild goose chase that allows me to end up dead?
Jiru: No, we just have to find Chris and find the real Bumstrong!
Rem: How did she get out of the padded room?
Jake: I must've forgotten to lock it.
Chelsea: Jiru, how do you know Chris is missing?
Jiru: He's not just missing; he's kidnapped!
John: Oh, changing your story now, I see.
Jiru: Listen to me—
Jake: I'm pretty sure we've all done enough of that.
(doorbell rings)
Sam: The pizza!
(Sam gets the door; Dixon is glued to it)
Sam: Where's our pizza?
Dixon: Forget that, someone glued me to the door!
Rem: I was wondering where I put that glue.
Dixon: Can't you help me? My face is glued to the door!
John: We're kind of watching The Pit right now.
(Dixon gets off the door and brings the pizza inside)
Dixon: Oh, can I watch?
John: Sure.
Jiru: I thought you were glued to the door.
Dixon: Nope. I was playing a trick on you and you fell for it.
Chelsea: Be quiet; it's starting.

Team Wallaborough-Greygorthion:

Ben: I hate you, Elisabeth.
Emily: You big jerk!
Matt: Yeah, uh, yeah.
Morgan: Now guys, we can all take out our anger on her tomorrow on the Throwing-People-Into-The-Pit Ceremony.
Andrew: Patient Tree Surgeon, 35 I'm going to take the time and explain what I think is going on with our team. Josh is obviously the strongest member of the group, and I have an alliance with him along with Shannon and Morgan. Matt isn't really thinking strategically, so I don't think he'll be any problem in the future. Emily and Ben have an alliance, but it can easily be broken. They're trying to get Elisabeth into it, but Josh decided that she'll be the first choice to throw into The Pit. All this means now is that we've got to win the next challenge and get rid of some members from Team B.

Team B:

George: We have a house!
Lena: This place is awesome. Just check out these driers!
Bryan: Uh, that doesn't sound like serious thought to me.
Jay: Who cares? We won a house!
Celeste: Stewart's Mom, 49 The house was nice. There's only five beds, and Lena kind of made us all a little nervous by offering to sleep in the drier. I think she has some problems.
Sam: This place is great.
Shanna: I can see a house in here.
Erica: Well, I'm going to sleep. Good night.
Jay: Misanthropist Rocker, 21 The house was ok, but what was really good was that I got to frolic through a field of daisies. Now I can die happy.
Lena: Aspiring Writer/Actress (i.e. Waitress), 19 Driers are really comfortable. I like pretending to be a rabbit.

Day 3

Team Wallaborough-Greygorthion:

- Matt: Hobbit, 22 This morning was rough…
Emily: I hate you Elisabeth! I got bitten by two ants last night because I wasn't sleeping in a house!
Elisabeth: At least I'm not ugly!
Emily: At least I'm not fat!
Matt: Hobbit, 22 …Emily and Elisabeth had a brawl,
Elisabeth: At least I'm not a drab!
Ben: Yeah, you are.
Matt: Hobbit, 22 And then Ben got into it.
Emily: Thank you, Ben.
Ben: You're a whore, too.
Matt: Hobbit, 22 And it only got worse from there.
Josh: Hey, cut it out!
Elisabeth: Ah! Eh! Oh! Let me gnash my teeth!
Matt: Hobbit, 22 And the comebacks just got lazy and unoriginal.
Shannon: Your mamma!
Emily: I know you are, but what am I?
Morgan: Nerd!
Elisabeth: Silly gobblegobblers!
Andrew: Let's go slap Ulysses!
Emily: I hate you.
Josh: Fine!
Shannon: More like you… fine!
Ben: Stupidhead!
Matt: Hobbit, 22 All the while I was hiding under a large piece of shrubbery. It was a nice piece of shrubbery, and it kept me protected. Finally things calmed down once they realized they were bored.
Andrew: Shut up!
Emily: Ugly!
Shannon: Meanie!
Morgan: I'm bored!
Everyone: Yeah, me too.
Matt: Hobbit, 22 After that everyone forgot there was even a fight and just ate dirt and went fishing. We worked on the shelter a bit, and now it doesn't fall down and cause us to stop breathing during the night. That's always a plus.

Team B:

Lena: Did everyone sleep well?
George: Yeah, they did. Ok? Now I just got a reminder that we need to get better food.
Celeste: I kind of used up the next two weeks' food supply for breakfast yesterday.
Sam: Golf Caddy, 28 I didn't think it was right that we didn't have food, but I wasn't hungry anyway.
Shanna: carrying a large barrel of fish I found these fish.
Erica: Where did you get those fish?
Shanna: The river.
Erica: Shanna, those fish belong to the natives.
Shanna: Oh, no, a bear killed them.
Jay: All of them?
Shanna: Yeah.
Bryan: Well, that's enough for me. Let's eat.
Erica: Professional Cripple, 32 I don't like the fact that Shanna is stealing from the dead, but I have really hungry, so I've decided not to care.
Shanna: Yea, now I'm popular.

The Ceremony

John: The eight of you have lost pathetically. Who's fault is it?
Everyone: Elisabeth's.
Elisabeth: Yours.
John: Tonight in the pit is a group of rabid octopi. Well, with that said, let the voting begin. Andrew, you're first.

John: Ok, let's count the votes. Vote #1: Elisabeth Vote #2: Emily Vote #3: Elizabeth Vote #4: Andrew Vote #5 Elisabeth Three votes Elisabeth, one Emily, one Andrew. Vote #6 Andrew Vote #7 Andrew and Vote #8 and the first person to be thrown into The Pit: Elisabeth. Ok, guys, throw her in.
Elisabeth: What?
(Jake and Rem grab Elisabeth and throw her in The Pit)
Elisabeth: AAAH!
John: I hope you can all go back to camp and win the next challenge. Good luck.
(they all get up and leave)

(Jiru turns the TV off)
John: Great, huh?
Dixon: Loved it.
Chelsea: Wonderful.
Sam: I want to see the next episode.
Jiru: Can we get started now?
Rem: sigh I guess so.
(they all slowly get up)
Jiru: Let's go!