When I was a younger man, I was frightened of change.

I hardly think about things in quite such philosophical terms anymore, but back then, I suppose that I'd always been intimidated by change, because any change had the potential to be either good, or bad.

Let me explain.

Many people feel that there is a balance to the world. That every bad turn gets justified, balanced out, if you will, by something positive.

They believe that there are forces for good in the world.

They are wrong.

I will be the first to admit that there are many things that I do not know, and am not interested in learning, but my life has provided me with some convenient, if hard-earned truths about the way that men think and feel and act, and what influences them to act the way they do.

I was taught that the hearts of men are good, that our every impulse comes from something greater, something outside ourselves. I was taught that men could be corrupted, dragged down by the weight of the ghouls and demons and the spirits of greed and avarice that infect this world, but that deep inside, all men want to be good.

I will also be the first to admit that this sounds nice.

There was a time when I believed it myself.

But it seemed as if the men I met challenged this belief, tore holes and furrows in my faith like branches catching and ripping a tattered cloak.

Man's inhumanity to man was the reason, ostensibly, that I stopped believing the lie.

But there was more to it than that. There was another reason for my loss of faith, and it's been something that has stayed with me, guarded close in the darkest corners of my heart.

The reason is that deep down, I no longer believe it about myself.

I don't want to be good. Not anymore. And that makes all the difference.