All Aboard the Short Bus 4

More insanity from the Psychotic Garden Gnome. No, I am not Tie Domi.

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Classic Red Wing:

"…and Mac loves the Penis."

- Brendan Shanahan (hockey player) purposely mangling the pronunciation of the Pianist during a pre-Oscars pre-game show

Gary Thorne: "He's got something that was trying to poke through his jersey."
Bill Clement: "Maybe it was a Red Wing."

 - during an ESPN broadcast of a Red Wings hockey game

"Those groins are nothing to fool with."

- Mickey Redmond, Red Wings commentator

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Sports Related Funniness:

"As intimate as that sounds, the crowning moment of the entire game was when Brendan made his way back to the Wings' bench to sit next to Steve. As they looked deeply into each other's eyes, they smiled in a way that transcends a simple captain and teammate relationship. Much was being said, though no words were spoken."

- Marty Wright, "Why The Wings Will Still Win The Cup"

PB: What's your stance on the age-old question about sex before a game -- yes or no?
BZ: I never have sex before the game -- at least not with another person.

- Baseball player, Barry Zito, during a Playboy interview

"Somewhere Vince McMahon is flexing his breasts with pride."

- Nick Bakay, on ESPN

"No, I don't believe in alien abductions. I do believe in anal probes."

- Rich Eisen, ESPN anchor

"Garrett Anderson is the hottest man in baseball. Crush me."

- John Anderson, ESPN anchor

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Quotes from Friends:

"Apparently it's Protection from Pornography week. Thank God President Bush is here to protect me from pornography. And from people of the same gender loving each other. I feel so protected. Fantastic. Here's what I don't get. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." That's a republican mantra, right? So why does the little press release about PfromP week start with "Pornography can have debilitating effects on communities, marriages, families and children." Because people don't CHOOSE to search for pictures of naked people on the Internet, pornography just manifests itself out of thin air on their desks!"

- Cassidy, on Bush's ingenious protection from pornography week :P

"Jim Rome said today that Kent didn't notice the no-no because he was too busy wondering if he groomed his porn-o-stache correctly."

- Marian, following the Houston Astros' no-hit game against the Yankees, and how Jeff Kent didn't notice it

"The worst thing about taking care of a 19 month old when you are tired is that you forget that when the child is quiet, there is evil occuring."

- Joolzie, on her daughter Lola

"Street urchins? Are they like sea urchins?"

- Some stoner from high school, during English class

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest of all? Kill kill kill kill."

- Simon, said while making stabbing motions with his hand

"Fandom ate our morals, man. I think it also killed het when no one was looking."

- Lassiter, on the lack of scruples in fandom