Love to Hate You

I can't help but hate you
Your autocratic ways
And how you know me too damned well
I can't lie to you about myself
Or even to myself
When you're around
It's an uneasy form of honesty
I can't seem to get used to
And while it's part of what
I love about you
I don't know how to deal
Somewhere in my sociopathic head
I've managed to categorize you
As just a friend
Even though you're more than that
And I can't equate the two
I dug my own grave
Putting you in a box and labeling it
With indelible ink
Irreversible
In the scattered recesses of my mind
Everything you do
Bears the taint of that
Each action faltering
Under biased interpretations
And personal insecurity
The thought of breaking apart
Our easy casualness
Almost shattering in its potential
I don't know how to respond
To your hesitant overtures
Towards being something more
Can't even tell
If that's really what they are
So every time you smile
My heart breaks a little more
Keeping you in your tenuous role
While wishing I had the courage
To burn the box
To smother my uncertainty
And hating you instead

***

::sigh::

I have far too many issues.

Kendal