sometimes swear i can do it on my own, but inside i am struggling. and when i push you away, dont take it personal, im only scared. scared of getting too close, scared of risking happiness, scared of risking life. we all need someone they say, but all i need is reassurance with myself. because knowing that im still here makes my cry. knowing that im not dead yet makes me sad. i never had anyone to go to for help. i just had myself and my ability to cope. so i dont run to friends for help, i run to myself. and when thats too hard, i run to the next thing alike, my sister. and if that fails, then i know im lost and i deal with it. i dont go for anymore help. because i already know im a lost soul. and thats why you dont ever really see me there, im there but not active, im just idle. my soul is idle.