Okay, so here's part two. I can't promise entirely steady updates, but hey, I'll try to get a few out to ya every month. And if I can find the time, maybe more than that.
Chapter Ninety Five
My heart aches as I stare over at Rave, his body curled into a ball, holding himself. Tears streaming from his dull, clouded eyes, spilling down on his cheeks. His body is shaking as if he cant control it, as quiet sobs break through the silence every now and again. He looks so helpless, so afraid. . . so fragile. Fragile, something I don't think I've ever, even when he was experiencing his breakdowns, seen him.
I had seen a glimpse of Cerin's unconscious form before I had pulled Rave away and into his bedroom. I couldn't, still cant, believe that it was Rave who did that to the boy.
So many bruises. . .
Rave had cried on my shoulder for the longest time before he lay down, finally tiring of explaining the unexplainable. He had said such things about 'the darkness' and his father, what his father had said before seemingly taking over his body. Making him do those horrible things to his love. Then awaking to see Cerin upon the floor, hurt so terribly. He had cried so much when telling me, his face buried in my shoulder, seeking some form of comfort. Comfort I know that due to the guilt no doubt eating away at him, he wont be experiencing for awhile.
Oh, Goddess, I know that were I to ever do such a thing to my own love, Tawny- and forbid such should ever happen- I don't know what I would do with myself, just thinking of doing such a thing to the boy I love makes tears sting my eyes. But Rave, Rave 'will' have to live with it.
I glance over at Rave once more, my heart jumping with something akin to fear as I, literally, see all his tears dry up. The light in his eyes go out, with the light goes the real Rave, his bright eyes darkening to show someone I do not know, darkening to a frightful black-green. His shakes stop as one lone tear falls down his face, the last real sign of remorse. Those frightening eyes soon close as this person, no longer Rave, sleeps.
Rising, I tentatively make my way to the door, walking out I find Tawny and tell him what Rave told me-and what I saw. Telling him of those haunting eyes.
I stop in mid sentence as I remember a picture I saw long ago of Rave's family, a picture Rave was sure to burn as soon as I found it.
No, Rave is not himself, for the eyes he holds now are not his at all.
But his fathers.
I stare into the mirror. A mirror that shows me a face that doesn't seem to be my own, a face that is pale, vengeful, with a mouth that seems to ever hold a silent snarl curling my lips up. My eyes do not seem my own, they are dark, nearly black, they are dead eyes.
I do not look like myself.
For I am not myself.
I go into the darkness at various times of the day, awakening to find myself in a place which I have no idea how I came. Yet, always, with a lost feeling I make my way back home. Cold and confused.
Always I avoid Cerin. Keeping my eyes cast down upon the floor as I walk past the three of them-yes three, Rayen and Tawny don't leave Cerin alone with me any more not since that day, a week ago. And for that I am thankful-they do not know me any longer, hell, I don't even know myself.
I don't sleep in my bed any longer either, nor go to class, I simply take my medicine and lay upon an old couch in the attic, staring at the dusty walls. Looking out the single window into a world I do not know any longer. I rarely eat, enjoying the faint pain of my stomach.
I deserve to hurt.
Which is why whenever I am left alone in the house, I slip into the bathroom and run the shaving razor over my wrists and arms. Not enough to die, he wont let me die, now that he has me. But I have to do it, just to feel, to make sure I'm a live. That I'm in control of some part of me. It feels so wonderful, so releasing as the sharp instrument runs over my pale flesh. So beautiful as the blood red runs over my skin and onto the white of the sink.
For these brief moments, when blade meets flesh.
I am free.