Jack: (As he walks onto the Titanic with a sketch pad in hand) I'm Jack! I'm a poor artist who wants to go back to America! Sympathize with me!

(Jack sees Rose hanging over the side of the ship)

Rose: I'm a spoiled brat and I hate my life! I'm going to tragically, and unpredictably, jump over the side of this ship and end it all! Farewell, cruel world!

(Jack grabs her arm)

Jack: Don't do it! We'll be tragic, angst filled lovers together!

(Rose comes back onto the ship)

Rose: Ok! That sounds like fun. (Putting Jack's hands on her waist) I'm flying Jack! I'm flying!

(Cal, Molly, and Rose's mother come running on the deck)

Cal: Unhand my fiancé! Throw him in jail, somebody!

Molly: I'm the unsinkable Molly Brown! Try to sink me! Go on, I dare you!

Jack: Don't throw me in prison! I'm a poor artist who draws French prostitutes for a living.

Molly: I'm an artist, too! A poet! Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and. are you lookin' at me?! Are you lookin' at me!

Rose's mother: Don't hang around with trash like him Rose! Yuck!

(Rose spits in her mother's face)

Rose: Oops! Terribly sorry.

(Rose turns to Cal and spits in his face)

Crewman #1: We've hit an iceberg! The ship's going down!

(Crewman #2 throws his spyglass at Crewman #1)

Crewman #2: (To Crewman #1) Not yet, you fairy! (To bewildered passengers below) Never mind!

Jack: Aren't you even going to invite me to dinner so I can impress all your rich friends with my roguish good looks and boyish charm?

Rose: No, we've only got five minutes to get all this in, silly!

Molly: (Slightly offended that no one has yet tried to sink her) No takers, eh? No takers!? It's because you're all yellow! Wussies! You big bunch of cowards!

Crewman #2: (to Crewman #1) Now.

Crewman #1: Iceberg! The ship's going down! Run for your lives!

(Panic ensues below)

We're all going to die!

(More panic)

Lord save us all!

(More panic)

The end for us is near!

(More panic)

Death to the mind flayers!

(More panic yet)

John Lennon lives!

Passengers below: (in unison as they all stop and look up at Crewman #1) That'll do!

Crewman #1: WAIT! I've got one more! A stitch in time saves nine!

(Passengers groan and then go back to panicking)

Cal: Come on, Rose! I've got us a lifeboat!

Rose: No! I don't want to marry you! I'm keeping your necklace and going with the prostitute sketcher! Cheerio!

(The passengers panic. Some get on lifeboats, others jump. Molly tries to
box with the iceberg, which has, quite obviously, tried to sink her.)

Jack: Rose, we have to jump!

(They jump overboard.)

Rose: It's so cold, Jack.

(Jack takes Rose's hand and dies)

Rose: I'll never let go Jack! I'll never let go! Hey! (Let's Jack go) There's a man with a whistle! Neat-o!

(She swims over to the man, blows his whistle, and is picked up by a

(86 years later.)

(Old Rose is standing on the deck of a ship. She drops her humongous
necklace overboard. It lands around the neck of Celine Dion, who just happens to be swimming by, singing the theme song. It's so heavy that she
gurgles the last few notes of the song before drowing.)