Idle Soul

Snow fluttered from the gray tainted clouds into a sea of white. Have you ever

watched a snowflake die within arms reach? The single most beautiful thing in

the world fall and melt into another world, another life, another place in

time.

On a cold winter day, I woke up to find it snowing. The sky was dark and the air

stood still. The iciness left a chill crawling up my spine. Like everyday, I

managed to pull myself together and started walking slowly towards the

computer. From the computer, I could glance out the window and watch winter

shed its tears of snow.

Flutter, flutter, flutter. Snowflakes danced before my eyes, as if they were

telling me a message, a tale, a story. The story I saw was the story of my

life. The story of who I am. I saw the story of my soul. There it was, my soul

being portrayed in snow. Then the tears went tumbling down.

Every snowflake fell from the dim sky. The gloomy sky forced every snowflake to

dance alone, to make it alone in the world. I realized how each snowflake was

forced to hurry up and be "done" with itself, to be cast out into the already

gloomy and dark world. Just so the snowflake could fit in. The lifespan of that

floating snowflake is unknown. Even then, was that life enjoyed? I wondered

what the snowflake did, what was its purpose. I found it to be unknown. This

happens all right before the white treasure floats into a world of white. This

is all right before the snowflake becomes no more. The snowflake is hidden and

lost among the crowd, unrecognizable and buried. The original snowflake died

among the crowd. It was a natural event to watch, it was an event I could not

do anything about. Within arms reach, the snowflake melted into another world,

a sea of white. There, the snowflake was in another life, but alone within

itself. Surrounded by others who have experienced the same journey, but

oblivious to it. So, along with others who have experienced alike, every

snowflake melted into the ground and vanished. What was once a blanket filled

world became mush and mud. Neither the snowflake, nor the snow was ever

appreciated. It was pretty to look at, but as it falls, there was nothing you

could do to preserve it. That is how my soul is, that is how I am.

Inside my heart, I am alone. I am forced to go out into this world knowing what

to do, to dance the dance of life. Indeed I was forced to grow up rather fast,

the situations I have been through required an audience of a mature nature. So

I grew up and left my childhood as soon as I got it, so I could fit in with

what was gruesomely happening and joined the rest of my family. I do not know

how long I experienced it; it is unknown; all that I could remember was it

lasted ever so quickly and then not anymore. I do not remember if the trip was

ever enjoyable; I just was growing up, but even that had to be rapid. The

memories of my life linger inside my head, but most are vague. I cannot

remember the pictures, but I remember the feeling. I could not determine my

inner purpose or my meaning. As I fell into the world of maturity, I could

never find out what it was and till this day, I still do not know my purpose in

this world. Maybe that explains why I feel so lonely a majority of the time. Maybe that

is why I feel as if I am experiencing another life. Indeed I am, but I am

experiencing it all entirely too soon. My life fell so rapidly into another,

that I could not stop to realize what has happened to me. What have I become? I

camouflage with my surroundings and I become invisible. No longer can I stand

outside the crowd. My spirit becomes a weak flower and dies inside. Surely I am

like every other adolescent feeling this way, but of course, I cannot see it.

There was nothing that could be done. My spirit was born a child but within a

few years it was rushed to grow and blossom into another world. My life became

points in time and moments were picked here and there like cotton. A childhood

was never truly had, so my vision of the environment around me, becomes dark.

Dark and cold became the world. Mush and mud. Of all the things I could do to

once be original, I could never stand out. I could not be appreciated. Life

never gave me time to be happy, to grow in due time. Becoming a snowflake I

was, falling into another world and hurried to adapt. Beneficiaries were never

gained. There is nothing that could be done about this. It's a personal

conflict that cannot be touched. My soul melts and disappears, but still stands

there.

I feel as if my soul is there.

My soul is inactive.

Another snowflake among the crowd; my soul is idle.

Just then I received an instant message; I snapped out of my daze.

There is no telling why I felt and currently still feel this way. The entrancing

snow moved me ever so much. But, this is the day my mind grew up. I saw what I

became. I accepted it. No one could see the impact I've made. But I do not

mind. I am glad to help. Like the snowflake, I am pretty to look at, but as me

soul falls and dies; there is nothing you could do about it. I am idle. My soul

is idle. Goodbye.