Muses sing to me in exile

This is the first of hopefully many posts to My name is not important. I'm somewhere between Goth, punk, and just plain eclectic. Labels aren't important either. I'm a girl, and I go to an all-girls Catholic high school. I have a temperamental mother, a well-meaning (but sometimes dopey) father, and an autistic sister. We live in an old apartment outside the theater district downtown.

Did I mention I'm gay and my parents don't know it?

That's what my "entries" are going to be about. See, I'm bisexual. My parents (and most of my family) are complete homophobes. Plus, at my school it's kind of a "come-out-and-get-kicked-out" type of situation, so I haven't publicly come out. A small amount of my friends know I'm bi. I need a place to outpour myself. A place with a lot of avid readers is the place to do it, I suppose.

At the moment, I have a boyfriend named Ben. I have told him I'm bi, but I'm not sure it really stuck with him. Most of my boyfriends have never stuck around long, but I really think Ben might. I hope. He's really nice.

The only other openly lesbian girl at my school is Nix. Nix is gorgeous, but she has a girlfriend, Jacky, who doesn't go to our school. Jacky is in college. I know Jacky pretty well, as I do the rest of the girls that graduated last year- a LOT of them were lesbians. The girls I refer to as the Core are Nix, Jacky, Speck, and Ami. The other girl I like, Elizabeth, says she is completely and utterly straight. Even though she looks incredibly butch. And she's so pretty, in a very natural way. I kissed her once and she kind of freaked out, so I don't know if she IS straight or just doesn't like ME.

I've had one true girlfriend. Her name was Janet. It was a very short relationship- 2 weeks- and there was not a lot of physical stuff. It was kind of an experiment for her, I think. Oh well.

Cat, another girl that graduated last year, is one of my best friends. She's "queer," as she likes to say. I prefer to call myself "queer" too, because queer is not only a lifestyle, but an attitude. Besides, the original meaning of queer is curious and remarkable, and I KNOW I am curious and remarkable. J

Joe, my closest guy friend, is constantly trying to set me up with other girls, but probably just because it turns him on.

Feel free to email me or leave me notes. Just be wary about anti-gay hate mail; I'm running out of places to put the bodies.