Please visit my website, www.freelancejack.com , for more stories. -Jack

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Tying One On

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The Executioner asked of his doomed victim. "Any last words before I drop this trapdoor and send you into the great beyond?"

"Yeah, do you always smell this bad or did you step on a skunk this morning?" The revolutionary spit back, obviously not defeated.

"Aye, gunna be cocky are we?"

"What? Cocky? There are no cocks, or chickens, or any other bird in my family; how dare you accuse me of this fowl play!" He retorted once more, bent on outwitting the man soon to be responsible for his death.

"Ye know what I mean!" The executioner's temper was rising.

"Of course I do, you're having an anger management crisis," quickly twisting the words of the masked man "you must have had quite a childhood to want to kill people as a profession, what you need is a hug."

The executioner fiddled with the rope "One more crack outta you and I'll..."

"And you'll what? Kill me?"

With that, the executioner muttered under his breath so as to prevent being made any more of a fool. He unrolled a parchment and began to proclaim.

"For the act of Treason, one 'Alek Pheonix' is to be hung unto death"

"AND FOR THE ACT OF EXECUTION, ONE SKUNKY WAFFLEHEAD IS TO BE MOCKED UNTO DEATH" Alek screamed out in response "say Mort, what is your name anyways?"

"YAAAA!!! You die now!" With that, the executioner dropped the trapdoor. Expecting a satisfying snap, but only hearing a dull thump, he looked down. The crowd laughed, much as the executioner remembered they did so sometimes during these events. With some puzzlement, followed by shock, he realized that he forgotten to attach the noose to anything.