I Want to Say I Miss You

By Goth-girl1

Please don't tell me it will be fine

I don't need your sympathy

Stop eyeing me with a pitied gaze

I don't have the will to smile

Someone told me that it's wrong to lie

Any grin would break that rule

Spread the biggest lie I've ever shared

I don't feel like smiling now

I'm lonely and I can't make him care

If that's really what I want

But I can't make him hate me either

When every shout makes me cry

I can't tell them that I'm still hurting

I could never tell them now

It's selfish to hold on to your pain

When everyone else is fine

But sometimes when I'm alone at night

I know that I have failed

I wonder if my thousand wrongs could

Could ever just make one right

I don't know if I did the right thing

Now everything feels wrong

But I hurt before and I hurt now

I guess there was no way out

I made a choice to change something then

At first I laughed as I cried

All I wanted was to run from there

And never see him again

I can't accept that it will happen

Someday when I least expect

Because I've already tried too hard

And I want to just give up

Call me stupid call me a failure

Call me perfectly normal

But I know that I am none of these

Which is fearsome in itself

I am nothing that I understand

I can't define myself now

I am just begging for something lost

That cannot ever be found

I want my life to return to me

The way it was once before

I learned the truth and made my last choice

That changed my life forever

I can't stand being alone again

Normal and underachieved

In some areas, this may be true

I don't care what others say

I felt just once that I was special

Different from the rest of them

But I suppose I was just lying

To myself with every step

What do I make of this loss I've seen

Why can't I just recover?

And forget about what happened then?

Why does this even matter?

Everyone else thinks that I shouldn't care

But the truth is that I do

Although we could never try again

I want to say I miss you