A sip of Sweet Lullaby

No one talks about my father much any more. I guess after talking so much about one thing, your left with nothing to say. My mom sends money over every other week, for me and Alex. She comes home more often now. It's September and Alex is back in school. I would be in college right now, but I can't leave Al home alone. When he get's older I'll go. It's not that urgent anyway. I'm getting my life back on track. During the day I work full time at a clothing store in the town central. I'm the assistant manager. I hate to say it but things feel so much better now. That Allen's gone I mean. Between my income and mom's weekly checks we're well off. I even started thinking of checking out a new place. I think it would be better for Al if we got rid of our house, he might have some bad memories.

So you heard about that Danny? I can't believe he's back. Why would any one come back to Birksville? Funny how I remembered him. I ran into him about a week ago walking home, it was another sort of hello good-bye thing. I asked him how long he was staying here and he said he didn't know. He asked me how long I'm staying here. I told him, it seems like it will be forever. And he laughed. I think I was the one that asked him to that Valentine's dance. I must have had a thing for him, it was probably his eyes and his smile, I was a kid, I wouldn't have known any better.

***

That was a long time ago. It was a diary entry of mine. After the death of my father, till that point in September I didn't have time for diary entries I guess. It was a sort of update. Then I guess I should tell you what happened after that. Birksville is a place that you can't appreciate if you grow up there. I grew up there, so I never learned to love the beauty of the place, until I visited it recently. It's a small town like I've told before. With quiet little parks all over the place, with children playing on swings and monkey bars when school was out. It had little path ways and side walks, and a few main roads. These main roads weren't very big, and there wasn't much driving done in town, since mostly anything you'd need was in the town center. The town center was composed of a small stores, of all sorts, clothing, grocery, cafes, they were all huddled close together, never more then three stories high. Across the street from the town center was Green's Pharmacy, the place where I had worked the summer my father killed himself. That was also the same summer I found my strength and liberty. The same summer I met-again- Danny Birk. There's really no where specific to start, but you could always try the beginning, and since I've already done that, I'll continue, I'll cover as much as I can. And I'll try to make it interesting. So...

It was late September. I was eighteen years old, learning about myself more and more each day. Stumbling across the difficulties of adolescence. I was walking through one of those parks I had mentioned, with a stone path going through it. It was one of the larger parks in town, so it had benches on the sides, and lots of trees, who's leaves were already turning color, falling and decorating the stone pathway. I was in no rush to get home, it was a Sunday, and Alex was staying at a friend's house 'til six. I stopped and sat on a bench. Admiring how different everything looked from here, honestly I was enjoying imagining that I wasn't in Birksville any more. I hardly even knew it but I wanted to leave desperately. I could hear children laughing behind me on the swing sets, running around in their colorful sweaters. I tried to remember myself running around in a colorful sweater but I couldn't, I don't think I owned a colorful sweater as a child. Something bounced over my shoe. It wasn't a leaf, it was a crumbled ball of paper. I picked it up, I had a feeling it would be one of those silly notes little girls write to each other in the play ground, I was in the mood to read a silly kid's note. I picked it up and smoothed it out. What I found, was, hardly a kid's note. If it was a kid's note (which I know now for certain, it wasn't) it would have to have been a very smart kid. I kept it, and I still have it in my dresser. This is it:

I came back here to a place called home

I found myself sitting alone

I walked into your dim dark life

I walked I walked a million miles

I knocked at your door and looked through the glass

you answered the questions, but you had none to ask

I know you remembered, perhaps you didn't care

I walked I walked, and then I stood there

It's a casual thing, between you and me

like the light of the sun, the sent of the sea

let's keep it this way, it's for the best

I walked I walked, and now I rest

But I cant help but wonder sometimes

what brought me back, what part of my mind

I was so lost, and I guess I was feeling alone

I walked I walked, searching for home

That was scribbled out on a lined paper. It had no name on it, and I assumed the poet didn't want it anyway. I tried to figure out who wrote it. It was a nice poem. So I put it in my jacket pocket, sighed got up a continued on my way home. But on my way, I stopped at the pet store. I always liked stopping by in the pet store, the owner Mrs. Niely would always give me a free gold fish to give to Alex. Her and her husband were very friendly people. I also liked animals. My father never let me own one because he said they smell and their dirty. Honestly I never wanted to bring an animal into my house when he was around anyways, it wasn't a safe home, if it wasn't safe for me then certainly more so, for a defenseless pet. But he was gone now, and the house was mine, and maybe Alex would like a puppy just as much as I would. So I went into the pet store. I said hello to Mr. and Mrs. Niely, and went to the back to see if they had any new puppies. They had the same old cats there, one new one, a nice grey kitten, but I preferred a dog, they always seemed much friendlier.

There was one jumpy little terrier, named Fritz. He was new. And beside him a little Siberian Husky named Finn. I asked Mrs. Niely about the Husky, she told me it was a male only two months old. She told me she put Fritz and Finn in a cage together because she categorizes them alphabetically. "And they both love to play together." she said joyfully. She looked at me and said in such a sincere voice "Finn needs a good good home Sam. Fritz is a happy little one, but Finn needs a good home still." I nodded, I didn't know exactly what she was talking about, but I asked her how much the puppy was anyways. "It's hard to say. I mean these usually cost a good bit, but we got him free, well you see. Oh it's a long story." she laughed and brushed away an old grey hair. "Well, will you give him a good home?"

"Sure I will Mrs. Niely. I've always wanted a puppy and I'm sure Alex"-

"Alright then, I see, I see. If he's getting a good home that's all that really matters. I'll give him to you for $700."

I took a step back. I didn't know how much dogs cost, I had no idea actually, but seven hundred dollars seemed like a lot to me, if after all a good home was all that mattered.

"Seven hundred? Mrs. Niely are you sure that's not a lot? I mean, it's a dog. Not a car. Right?"

"They are expensive Samy."

"But you said he was free."

"Well yes but"-

"I'm sorry Mrs. Niely I just don't think I can come up with seven hundred dollars right now, but"-

Mrs. Niely's face quirked, she furrowed her brow, looked at Finn and then looked at me. I didn't even notice that I was bargaining.

"Well, it is a good home, I'm sure it will be. Alright then. How does five hundred sound?"

I looked down in shame, five hundred dollars, was nothing to most people, but I was saving money for a new place, I had hopes of going to college, which I would pay for, and a little brother to take care of. For me five hundred dollars was half the monthly costs. I didn't have that much to spare.

"I'm sorry child, you must be having a hard time, since...you could use a good little puppy like Finn you and your little brother. I'll make it four hundred, and if you don't have that kind of money right now, you can pay it off slowly, monthly like a bill, you know?"

I was over joyed. I felt like a child, not like a an eighteen year old woman. It felt good. So I signed the papers, and bought dog food and the like, and soon enough I had Finn walking home with me.

I have to contribute a good bit of this story to my Finny, he was a great dog, one of the best. The first day I bought him, he adjusted to home quickly. When things were calm and quiet he was too, and if we wanted to play around and be noisy, so did he. Somehow Finn always knew our moods, and he willingly conformed to them.

Alex got home a little before six that day. Since I didn't have a car his friend's mother dropped him off. When he walked in and found Finn sitting in our living room, he practically went insane with joy. I was in my room when I heard him screaming. "A puppy? A puppy! Sam you got us a puppy! Holy"- I couldn't help but smile like a madman. This is the childhood he should have, if I couldn't have it, he should. That's what was running through my head. I went to join them in the living room. I was greeted by a jumping and licking puppy and a huge hug from a seven year old. "You got us a puppy Sam? You got us"-

"Yup, his name's Finn, he's two months old. Isn't he awsome?"

"He is! I love him Sam! Hey, hey Finn. Sit finn sit. Heal Finn." he said to the dog. Then he turned to me. "Sam I don't think he's smart." I laughed, sometimes the things my brother said were so funny I could pee.

"Al you have to teach him that stuff slowly, first thing he needs is to learn his name, then we'll teach him tricks, okay?"

"Okay but, how does he learn his name?"

"We have to use it. Like when you call him to come to you, or something." Alex started repeating Finn Finn Finn....the look on the puppy's face was priceless, he had no clue what was going on. I put a hand on my brother's shoulder. "Not like that Al, I said when you call him to come to you. If you stand in front of him and repeat his name two billion times he wont understand."

"Oh. Fine." He said and walked away. Then he turned around and called to the dog "Finn come here boy." Slapping his small thighs. "Finn, Finn here boy, come on Finny."

The dog finally understood and bounded off to my brother, pulling on his pants and trying to lick his face. Al giggled uncontrollably, till the puppy gave up, then Alex started walking down the hall. "Here Finn let me show you our house, me and my sister live here, you know the one that bought you, she's my sister, Sam. This is her room, see. And let me show you my room"- his voice drifted off.

I was still smiling like a madman. I was so happy that I'd bought that puppy. The only problem was I had to figure out what to do with him during the day, while I was at work and Alex would be in school. I couldn't just lock the poor thing up in a kennel all day, and I didn't have anyone to watch him. Suddenly I remembered that he wasn't house-trained yet. I jumped out of my seat by the kitchen table and ran down the hall. "Finnnnnnnn."

I walked into my brother's room to find him and Finn sitting on the bed. "Alex he's not house-trained...that means he doesn't know he can't pee in the house." My brother got up.

"Okay Finn, up, come here boy."

I really didn't want to be cleaning dog pee off the carpet. So I picked Finn up carried him to living room where I put on his leash. I told Alex to lock the door and went outside. I didn't know anything about training a dog, so I decided to take Finn for a walk, and hoped that he would understand what to do. I started walking down the street in the direction of the park closest to our house. I'd seen people walking their dogs at night in the park so I figured it was the best place to go.

It was already getting dark outside, the days were growing shorter and colder, as they did I was letting go of the summer. I crossed the street in the direction of the park, and continued walking, holding a leash in my hand felt strange, but nice. Finn was walking beside me happily. We finally got to the park, and just as I walked over to an empty bench I saw that kid, Danny walk out of the park. It bothered me that he didn't even say hello. And then I realized I wasn't in the park to sit. So I got up with Finn and walked around a bit, by the grass, waiting for him to do his damage. After about a half an hour he finally did. And so I took the walk back home, and reminded myself how much I'd love having a dog, and that standing in a park half an hour wasn't much of a price to pay.

When I got back, Alex had fallen asleep without even eating his dinner, but I let him be. I fed Finn, and went about getting ready for bed. Tomorrow's Monday...joy.