Making Me Sin
Small note: Sorry about my absence, I've been swamped with homework and the like.
Chapter Three: Say Yes or Say No
I really wasn't expecting him to pursue it any further after I said I couldn't do it. I mean…sure, maybe my grade was the best in the subject, but I certainly wasn't the only 'A' student around that he could seek help from.
The thought that he might, for some odd reason, want me as his tutor and only me never even crossed my mind for a half a moment.
I was still upset with my parents. I'd said I would do something and they had made a liar of me by telling me that I couldn't do it, just because they didn't think they would approve of who I was helping. In truth I hadn't thought it would matter who I was helping, as long as I was helping someone.
Apparently I was wrong however. We could only help certain people…
I just floated through the first half of the day, right through Algebra and even through English, which I think worried Hack slightly, as it wasn't something I normally did. Not in any class, but especially never in English class.
I grabbed a lunch, which was really just a brownish-white good with applesauce and milk on the side, and headed over to an empty patch of grass out on the quad. I always ate alone, half because I wanted to be alone and half because no one really wanted to bother with me.
I was used to it so I didn't mind anymore.
I was poking at my lunch when black jeans invaded my line of sight.
"What in the fucking hell is that?"
I looked up and found a very disgusted looking Luc staring at my tray. I blinked, a bit at a loss for what in the world I was supposed to say to him. (And not just because my social skills may have been lacking a little bit, though I'm sure that didn't help any in this case.) My shock only grew as he set down a plate of slightly wilted salad and sat next to me, folding his long legs underneath himself.
I find myself drawn to his ankle. When he sat his pants leg went up and I could see a braided hemp bracelet around it, with a few dark glass beads wound inside.
"My cousin Clover made it. She and her brother Thyme's parents were flower children." Luc said, a slight smile quirking his lips. "When all the beads fall out it's supposed to cause me to gain stability."
My first instinct was to tell him he could find stability through God, but it sounded so terribly much like something my father would say that I just nodded and shoved a mouthful of whatever the hell it was into my mouth and chewed slowly.
Luc looked like he was going to gag. "And you actually eat it? That's sick."
I couldn't believe he was even talking to me, period, let alone talking to me as if it was something he did all the time. Just the easy way he sat next to me and talked threw me through a major loop. I couldn't even open my mouth to talk to him at this point.
Apparently my blank expression became clear to him after a moment because he smiled at me widely and tilted his head off to the side.
"So, why can't you tutor me? I mean, isn't helping people and giving of yourself until you have nothing left to give what Christians are supposed to do. That and loving your neighbor."
I nodded slightly. "Yeah, that's the basic idea I suppose." He raised an eyebrow at that and honestly, I felt like such a hypocrite in that moment, more than I would at any other point in my life. I ducked my head, knowing I was blushing furiously.
"So what's up?"
"My parents don't like you." I felt beyond foolish at this point and I was sure I could hear the taunts forming in his head.
"Your parents don't even know me." He muttered, eyes flashing fiercely. For a moment his expression clouded and I swallowed, slightly taken aback at the sudden change and…something else. Something I tried to push aside, not wanting to think about the feeling in the put of my stomach. I was sure nothing good could possibly come from it.
Then just like that he shrugged and was back to how he'd been before. "So don't tell them. Do you let your parents make all of your choices for you?"
I blinked, because the answer was yes. I think he sensed that because he sighed and shook his head. For a moment I wasn't sure what to think then he started to laugh and I felt myself blushing again, just a little mortified…okay, maybe more than a little.
When he was done he smiled slightly. "I'm sorry. It's just…my parents aren't those type of people. They took a hands off approach to me." I could almost hear him silently thanking God that they weren't like my parents. I wondered what they were like, once again. What did 'Hands Off' mean? "Anyway, you don't plan to let your parents plan everything for the rest of your life do you?"
"They're naming my brother's baby." I muttered, as if to show…something. I'm not sure what I was showing exactly, but judging from Luc's expression I got my point across.
"So you were planning to let them run your entire life…that's kind of pathetic you know. Most kids turn eighteen, move out and enjoy themselves for a little bit." He scratched his head. "I mean, letting them do everything for you has to get a little…tedious after a while."
He had no idea how right he was. It did get tedious and it did wear on your nerves a little bit and…it did make you want to do some crazy things, I suppose. My parents were just a little smothering by most standards, though not too bad. Most people probably could have dealt with them their whole lives, but then again most people probably wouldn't have let them make every little choice for them, like I was doing, either.
I took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll help you. I have to be home by five though so…uh, the library? After the final bell?"
School was over a two o'clock, but I usually spent the rest of the time in the library doing my homework before heading home and…doing nothing, actually. Usually lots of reading or writing…a lot of nothing, just because I had nothing else to do with my time really.
Sometimes I helped my mom clean up or in the kitchen, or helped my dad in the church or hung out with some of the Youth Choir, but…I wasn't in the YC, so I wasn't really 'accepted' amongst them as much as both of my sisters had been. My older brother, Charlie, had been sixteen when my family moved to Jernigan, so the youth activities hadn't really been his thing, understandably.
"Might as well just come over my place. I'll give you a ride home…or close to home for the sake of things, afterwards." He winked. "Promise I'll have you at home on time."
I found myself smiling at him almost shyly. It sounded so much like…a date or something. Which of course it wasn't, because…you didn't go on dates with other boys. It wasn't right and my parents would skin me if I even entertained the idea for a moment.
He flashed me another smile then gathered his things and left, leaving me feeling slightly…Naughty, almost. I was going to defy my parents for the first time, ever. It was…exciting in a way, and also a little bit scary.
I did fear the repercussions if I was caught, but I didn't fear them enough to not risk it.
His car left me speechless. It wasn't the kind of thing you saw around Jernigan that often, all black and powerful and…well, just damn beautiful.
I noticed he was giving me a look that seemed to scream 'You poor sheltered child' so, knowing I was blushing brightly, I slid into the passenger side and looked down at my feet.
The seats were leather.
I couldn't believe I was in this car, on these sits, with this guy…against my parents' permission. I ran my fingers over the seat, feeling the smooth material under my fingertips, and swallowed hard. It wasn't just the fact it was leather of course, but the whole…decadence of it. The unfamiliarity of something that seemed to me to be extravagant and fancy…at least for a seventeen year old boy to own and drive around this place.
He chuckled quietly and I looked up at him and felt my cheeks warming even more than before. He was probably wondering what backwoods sheltered hick he'd managed to pick up.
Well…not *pick up* but…well…
He took off and wind whipped against my warm cheeks and I slid deeper into my seat. I didn't want to be enjoying this, I was going against my parents after all, but something about it just felt so good, in spite of the insane way my heart was beating in my chest, like it might slam right through my chest.
"You okay?" He frowned at me. "You look a little sick and I did just get this car from my mother…"
I held up a hand and shook my head, forcing a smile. "I'm fine, I think. Just a little…you know…I don't think I've ever disobeyed my parents before now."
"Wow." He raised an eyebrow. "Now where is the fun in that?"
I blinked at him. "What do you mean?"
He rolled his eyes. "I know this is hard for you to grasp, considering, but part of the fun of growing up is that you get to piss off your parents with your newfound independence. Parents want to keep you in a little box, in a certain place of their mind and never have you change." He paused as if to make sure I was following him. "Fun comes from changing before their eyes and watching them scramble to re-file you."
I blinked again. "That sounds more mean that fun."
"No, it's natural. Most people do it. You are apparently an exception to the rule." He shrugged then brushed a strand of ink colored hair out of his face.
I was silent the rest of the ride, not sure what I could say to that. It seemed to strange to be in the car with him, he who was so completely different from me, and yet at the same time every part of me thrilled at it.
I wondered if I was starting to lose it.